a new affair with an old flame

September 1, 2010

Before I had the strokes, I had a secret love affair.

My husband knew about it.

My kids were subjected to it so often they rolled their eyes.

I mean, we are talking passion.

The hot, steamy flames of a thousand suns.

I loved my camera.

I hated that the hobby that was gone.

I tried so hard but it wasn’t the right hand.  It wasn’t the right eye.  It was backwards.

The camera didn’t like me anymore.

I had to learn that pictures just wouldn’t be where my heart was anymore.

Then she brought a tripod that worked on a wheelchair.

I could make it work with just one hand.

In a way that made me happy.

Made me feel whole.

When I get a tripod of my own, life will change again.

I’m going to get the hobby back.

I’m going to be in love again.

(I took this picture today with the tripod I tried out.  I was so excited to get pictures of the kids on my own again, they were rolling their eyes in no time!)

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this is the where i bang my head against the wall

August 31, 2010

Frustration.

I’m knee-deep in it.

I have these ideas.

I explained it to someone as being the point in time when I work on scraps of paper.

It’s hard to describe.

Difficult to define.

I want to draw a picture.  It looks like soup.  Thhhhhhat’s not right.

So I’m stuck trying to make others see my dream through written words.

Which are limited to one hand.

The wrong one.

And my spoken words.

From a voice that doesn’t always sound right.

Well, never RIGHT.

But, not even decent.

So, this is frustration.

When my brain works, but nothing else will meet it the rest of the way.

I feel like my words are betraying me.

Written and spoken.

Frustration.

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just think, the name could be “snot and farts”

on August 30, 2010 in Stuff i write

Tweet There wasn’t much that went into the name Free Anissa. A long time ago my Twitter account got suspended because it got hacked and they thought I was a spammer. I asked a few friends to tweet that I wasn’t a spammer, and……yeah. Let’s just say the hashtag #freeAnissa started out with no deeper [...]

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I really need a different posse

on August 29, 2010 in therapy

Tweet Let’s get a few thing straightened out.  Everything may not be totally clear. I have three therapists at Pathways, which is a part of the Shepherd Center, where I do my outpatient therapy. Physical therapy – done by Beth, this deals with my walking, transferring,  lower extremities, getting up when I fall, pool exercise [...]

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making a deal i can keep

on August 28, 2010 in Faith

Tweet It’s not very often that someone will ask a question and I know the answer to it. I’m usually asking the kids answers to questions about square roots and wind velocity. But I happen to know this inside out. Sort of depressing, but I do know it. Peyton’s cancer. She’s finished her second year [...]

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lesson 1: how to laugh

on August 27, 2010 in things you have to learn

Tweet People have asked, “How can you still laugh?” To be honest, I understand the question very well. It would be just too easy to let it all take over.  To give in.  Give up. It is a slow, baby-stepping, small-improvement, thankful-for-every-tiny-thing kind of thing. And I laugh. Maybe some don’t, but I have to. [...]

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