Sometimes forgetfulness is a GOOD thing!

Being at BlogHer all weekend was a huge relief because it brought my normal monthly crazy down to a dull roar.

I got home late on Sunday and bright and early Tuesday morning I had to drive Peyton into ATL for her finger poke.

Already? Didn’t we just do this but with a side of paranoia and a big heaping scoop of neurotic?

But apparently all it takes for me to approach that monthly trip with some semblance of calm is to be borderline comatose from exhaustion and to TOTALLY FORGET about it.

I did.

I forgot.

And you know what? That’s awesome!

Because, the day you can forget about your kid’s checkup to make sure she doesn’t have cancer in her body is a good day.  It means you’re at least starting to start the start of letting go of a tiny piecce of it.

We breezed in and I answered all the questions with confidence.

No pain, she’s felt great.

No bruising, just the normal stuff that comes from being five years old with her mother’s incredible gift of grace.

Good appetite? Check.

Good energy? Check.

No headaches? Check.

Counts? Kneel on the floor and weep kind of good.

JUST that good.

And yeah, we go throught this every month.

I’m sure some people roll their eyes and think “Get over it! She’s in remission, just let it be. Why can’t you let go of it?”

For those folks? You can bite me!

Every month I walk in that office knowing that one tiny number could change our lives forever…knowing that one too many bruises is a sign….knowing that a nap could possibly not JUST BE a nap.

So, if I’m excited because this month didn’t bring cold sweats and nightmares? I get to be.  I get to be just as happy about the fact that I didn’t make myself crazy as I am that she was given the All-Good.

It means we’re both healing and both getting better every day.

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28 Responses to Sometimes forgetfulness is a GOOD thing!

  1. Angie-AmNothing August 1, 2009 at 12:39 AM #

    That's a jar-full of awesomesauce. Not the low-fat kind. The FULL fat awesomesauce.

  2. Amy@Atlanta with Kid July 31, 2009 at 8:21 PM #

    That's wonderful!! I'm glad to hear that. You are strong and wonderful mom and woman. It's nice for you to get a little break even it's resulting in a big pile of laundry. :)

  3. IzzyMom July 31, 2009 at 5:39 PM #

    I love hearing the good news every month. No one, however, should ever fault you for being afraid when that day comes… Look at what Peyton & your family have been through? You don't just sweep that under the rug when you get the magical "remission" diagnosis.

  4. Lesha July 31, 2009 at 4:59 PM #

    I think that is awesome. And you are so very justified in any cold sweats or anxiety or any other emotion you want. It's your child's health. Anyone who would tell you to get over it is cold and has never been touched by cancer.

    Horray for another great check up.

  5. Corina July 31, 2009 at 3:10 PM #

    Congrats to both of you!!!!!! I am so happy that she is doing so well. You must hold your breath each month waiting, but you have a little rock star there and she is just plowing through. Much love….

  6. Summer July 31, 2009 at 3:10 PM #

    That is great news! If I was you I'd celebrate every month too because it IS a big freaking deal! Congrats!

  7. Stephanie July 31, 2009 at 2:58 PM #

    I love this. While I know that epilepsy does not = cancer, I know how it can be counting days, still holding onto bad visions and memories despite him being seizure-free. It is a process. And I just know these feelings too.

    Steph

  8. Maya July 31, 2009 at 2:29 PM #

    so so happy.

  9. schwartz July 31, 2009 at 2:20 PM #

    anyone who tells you to get over it is a fucking communist – I swear it to you. They have you soul.
    So happy to hear the news!

  10. georgie July 31, 2009 at 3:10 AM #

    I am a new reader so i do not know a lot of the back story-I do know what it is like living with and caring for someone who has/had cancer…
    YAY for you both and I hope next month brings just as much good news

  11. georgie July 31, 2009 at 3:10 AM #

    I am a new reader so i do not know a lot of the back story-I do know what it is like living with and caring for someone who has/had cancer…
    YAY for you both and I hope next month brings just as much good news

  12. Barbara July 30, 2009 at 9:33 PM #

    OH BOY you so get to be.

  13. AmazingGreis July 30, 2009 at 8:35 PM #

    So happy that the news was good and her counts were where they are supposed to be. You TOTALLY deserve to be happy and can talk about it all you want.

    XOXO

  14. Miss Grace July 30, 2009 at 6:45 PM #

    This makes me very happy.

  15. Ami July 30, 2009 at 5:55 PM #

    I just love this post!

  16. melissa/bostonmama79 July 30, 2009 at 4:48 PM #

    yeah anyone who tells you to get over something like that can BITE ME too. I'm excited for you! I'm glad she's good right now and things are good. I hope your positive thinking will continue to create positive energy. Then you can put all that energy into Guitar Hero and TEAR SHIT UP!

  17. Ginny July 30, 2009 at 4:16 PM #

    I'm glad that you got to have one month where you didn't freak out. Your reactions are perfectly normal by the way! N.O.R.M.A.L. If someone tries to tell you otherwise, well….you know what to do. God bless you and sweet Peyton!

  18. DE Heather July 30, 2009 at 3:46 PM #

    so happy for you guys! xoxo

  19. Carla H July 30, 2009 at 3:35 PM #

    Continue the healing and goodness.

  20. Sugar Jones July 30, 2009 at 3:22 PM #

    I am so happy to hear that this was a good month. I can't imagine the insensitivity of the people that tell you to get over it. How do you get over the very real memories of what you went through? Hugs to you and your sweet baby!!

  21. Diana July 30, 2009 at 3:12 PM #

    Damn right you get to be!

    And *those* folks? How about I kick their asses for you, because honestly anyone who thinks that is a miserable asshat.

  22. Midwest Mommy July 30, 2009 at 3:05 PM #

    Awesome!

  23. Stimey July 30, 2009 at 2:40 PM #

    That's really cool. I hope it will get easier every month.

  24. themaggers July 30, 2009 at 2:30 PM #

    This is amazing news! I don't think you can ever "get over" it. You went through one of the scariest things a family can ever face and you've made it through. Yet it will still be something you carry with you everyday,luckily Peyton continues to do so well. Hopefully one day that fear will be just a minor note in your lives. Continuing to pray for Peyton's health and good numbers!

  25. Maria July 30, 2009 at 2:18 PM #

    So. Happy.

  26. Amy - prettybabies July 30, 2009 at 12:48 PM #

    It seems to me that telling a mother to "get over" her child's cancer is like telling someone to "get over" their heart being ripped right out of their chest and used as a baseball for an entire season.

    I'm happy, though, that your life is beginning to return to a pre-cancer normal. And I'm SO SO SO happy to have met you IRL!!

  27. Assertagirl July 30, 2009 at 11:24 AM #

    How WONDERFUL. For both of you. xo

  28. Scary Mommy July 30, 2009 at 10:46 AM #

    That's fantastic!!!! And, folks who dare think "“Get over it! She’s in remission…" clearly have never been a mother.

    It was awesome to meet you for three seconds. You are simply magnetic! xo

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