There are times I have to switch my hats so fast it gives me whiplash.
Just hours into my time in North Carolina at the Type-A Mom Conference, I got a call that shook me to my core.
A call that left me crying in the bathroom.
A call with news that made my heart ache and bleed.
A call that nearly saw me get back in the car and drive straight to be with my friend as she dealt with terrifying unknowns and doors she isn’t prepared to open.
But, I put on my game face and pushed it deep down so that I wouldn’t think about it during this work time. I laughed and joked, shook hands and wore my professional hat. If a little askew, as always.
It was hard to be there, though.
Listening to people take jabs at each other…hearing the same tired arguments…watching people get so worked up over things that seemed important before the call…it all shrunk in the knowledge that none of it mattered anymore.
If the worst thing that happens in your day is that someone sends you an ugly email, try waiting for a call from the doctor to give you results you’re pretty sure you don’t want to hear.
If you’re going to argue about who makes money and if they’re doing it right, you’ve never sat in front of your checkbook and wondered what you weren’t going to pay so that you can afford to give your child the treatments they need AND keep a roof over their head.
If you can talk about your mafia, feel slighted because you weren’t the center of attention, or fret about your PR connections, you’ve never had to sit and contemplate the moment when they cut into your child’s brain to see what the tumors are doing.
I won’t lie and say that I wasn’t there to work and build my business…but I am, unfortunately, all too aware how quickly it can change, transform, disappear. It stops meaning anything. It ceases to be the most important thing.
Tuesday I’ll be putting on my cancer mom hat that never leaves my side for long and take my daughter to the hospital. I will have a stone in the pit of my stomach waiting for those all-encompassing counts to come. Praying they are what they should be.
Everything else will fade into the background.
And I will be neck-deep in what’s important.