my kids used to think i snored. now they shake me awake for comas.

Things have changed since i woke up from the coma.

in good ways – I managed to miss all of winter.

in bad ways – I’ll  pay to see the new Twilight movie.  Oh,  I’ll pay.

And in ways that break your heart into tiny little pieces – Peyton cried because mommy wasn’t all fixed by the hospital.

It was one thing for my parts not to work at the hospital, that was expected.  It was wrong for it to be happening at home.  And she did have a fit.  An ugly one.  One that got her in trouble with her daddy for being nasty to her mommy.

It took a talk.  From the broken mom.

Pete rolled my chair into her room.

Are you mad?

Are you scared?

Are you sad?

Are you afraid?

She was.  All the above.

How do you tell a six-year-old that it all takes time?  That things will get better if not perfect.  That it’s ok to be afraid but you have to be hopeful too.

And you tell your thirty-six-year-old too.

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98 Responses to my kids used to think i snored. now they shake me awake for comas.

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  4. Bea April 11, 2010 at 7:46 AM #

    How awesome that you're able to blog again. I'm sure your spirit has never been gone, and I'm convinced that typing new blogs will keep it strong. It helped you through the worst of Peyton's cancer, it will give you the courage to beat this too. So many people are cheering you on!

  5. subWOW April 8, 2010 at 8:01 PM #

    This post makes me cry so hard. Welcome back!

  6. Kathy April 7, 2010 at 1:50 PM #

    So glad to see you posting again – I've been following your husband's post to check on your progress – you and your family have amazing spirit!!

  7. Bobbi Janay April 6, 2010 at 5:31 PM #

    I understand how she feels, my Daddy had a stroke when I was 19 and it scared me so badly. He is now 100 % back to normal.

  8. leel April 6, 2010 at 4:09 PM #

    but you are here! yay!

  9. Kaza April 5, 2010 at 1:12 AM #

    So, so, so SO good to "hear" your voice. My little one is now 5, so I can imagine such a conversation. Hard for us to realize that ideal is not always what they need, actually. Mamas who tell them the truth? That, they do need. All of the time. Because life isn't ideal, so our job isn't to deliver the best circumstances but rather to teach them how to respond, how to deal.

  10. Tropic of Mom April 2, 2010 at 4:08 AM #

    Poor girl. You are both so amazing. Heck, your whole family is. It's great to see you blogging and tweeting again!

  11. Mishi April 2, 2010 at 2:47 AM #

    It's not easy, but it gets easier. And you are proof. I <3 U.

  12. katie | motherbumper April 2, 2010 at 1:21 AM #

    How do you tell a six year old anything takes time? No seriously, how do you? I'm just so glad you're there to tell Peyton these things.

  13. Al_Pal April 1, 2010 at 11:42 PM #

    You've got this. ;)
    *hugs*, and a bit of gentle, shoulder-only squishing. (You told me at Type A Mom that anything on your sides might tickle so much that you'd pee!) ;p

  14. DJD April 1, 2010 at 11:07 PM #

    She will see every day that you get better. I will keep you in my thoughts.

  15. tricia honea April 1, 2010 at 9:34 PM #

    As a child of a "broken" parent who never got better(quadriplegia) it's important you keep talking to her. Explaining what's going on. It was hard to be that kid who had no idea what was going on.

    The hope will keep you and your kids going.

  16. jwg April 1, 2010 at 12:02 PM #

    Welcome back!

  17. AmazingGreis March 31, 2010 at 12:33 PM #

    It's hard, but it will get better and she will understand. It's so great to see you back in your space again. We missed you around here. So glad to have you back!!! Can't wait to see you in person, hopefully soon!!

  18. Kim@BeautifulWreck March 31, 2010 at 3:56 AM #

    Wow. Your kids are resilient, like you. It is all so new for all of you.

    And winter really sucked this year. It was dreary and really f-ing cold.

  19. alotofnothing March 31, 2010 at 3:22 AM #

    I can only imagine things getting better for Peyton.

  20. cass March 31, 2010 at 12:17 AM #

    Anissa,
    I am so glad to see you are blogging again. I met you shortly before all of this happened to you at the Boston Aiming lo convention.. ( I won the notebook) and I just want to say that I have been rooting for you and have been checking on updates from your husband. When I saw that YOU blogged… I started crying with JOY! JOY! I can't WAIT to see you blog more……… I am so happy for you!
    greenlollipops… ( cassandra)

  21. fearandparentinginlasvegas March 30, 2010 at 8:42 PM #

    SQEEE! Welcome back darlin'. If I knew you'd be here, I would have hung streamers, gotten some balloons or flowers or something. ____Of all the kids, this suprises me that this is coming from Peyton. I would have thought she would understand that healing takes time…always more time than we want it to. She'll get there. Have patience with her and, more importantly, have patience for yourself.

  22. Lex @laprimera March 30, 2010 at 7:10 PM #

    Sending you a big hug! Take each moment by moment, celebrate each success… I know I'm doing a little happy dance for you each time I see a tweet, facebook update, and now a blog post. In time, Peyton and well all of you will look back on this and remember how far you've come! Team Mayhew!!!

  23. Jace March 30, 2010 at 6:45 PM #

    Thinking and praying for you and your family.

  24. Leila Fondo March 30, 2010 at 4:54 PM #

    Anissa,

    I am a HUGE admirer of yours!! I'm a friend of Natalie's and have been in awe of your strength & determination while you have been recovering. I'm sorry the adjustment period is hard on your daughter (and you!!) but I can't even imagine how special your daughter will feel when she gets older and realizes how hard you have worked to come back to your family.

    You & your family remain in my prayers!!
    Leila

  25. magpie March 30, 2010 at 4:07 PM #

    So happy to see this post from you. Continued good healing to you, and all of you.

  26. Beth March 30, 2010 at 2:21 PM #

    Anissa, We have never talked before, but I feel like I know you. I have prayed so much for you! Peyton is hurting and this is the only way she knows to express herself. Be patient with her and just love her to death. She will be fine; she just loves and misses her mommy so much! She is a little doll! And YOU! YOU are amazing. I love to read your blog and laugh along with you. You are definately inspiring! Keep on keeping on, girl! YOU(with the help of God) can beat this!
    I love you and will keep all of your family in my prayers. Take care and keep on blogging!

  27. Susan Payton March 30, 2010 at 1:54 PM #

    Welcome back, babe. You have no idea how much the Twittersphere and blogosphere was missing you and talking about you. Let's play pool at Type A Mom again.

  28. cindy w March 30, 2010 at 1:45 PM #

    So, so glad to see you back. And I'm sorry about Peyton. She'll be ok, though, and she'll be able to look back when she's older and see just how much ass her mom kicked.

  29. Jeanette March 30, 2010 at 1:18 PM #

    Glad to see you're back :) It must be so hard for her to understand, I can just imagine how hard it would be for my boys

  30. Ali @PickleSugarPlum March 30, 2010 at 5:45 AM #

    Hugs and Love coming your way…for all of you. You keep proving your strength, over and over again, and I am so glad to read the words coming from YOUR fingertips today! My heart swelled more with every word. Thank you.

  31. Bri March 30, 2010 at 2:24 AM #

    You don't know who I am but I've followed your story since you were in the hospital. I was amazed at your resilience and determination, I felt your frustration and the tears you have shed. I admired the patience and faith your husband and the thousands who rallied to help in their small way.

    I continue to pray for your full recovery and that of your daughter. Keep strong. There's a rhyme and a reason to all things. Baby steps :) God bless you, Anissa.

  32. tricia March 30, 2010 at 1:56 AM #

    Welcome back! It sounds like you did a fabulous job of telling your little girl that you will get better and showing her that you are the same mom when it counts. I pray for you daily. May you see the blessings of God being poured out in your life.

  33. Bridget March 30, 2010 at 1:12 AM #

    So glad to see you back in feed reader! Hugs to you all. Thinking of you and praying for you all every day.

  34. Left of Lost March 29, 2010 at 8:37 PM #

    You are so far from broken, and I am so very thankful for that. Tell your sweet girl (and your other two sweet kiddos) that mommy is still mommy, but it will take time…time that will be fun and not-so-fun. I know you are a wonderful mom, and it will work out. I'm rooting for you, every day. xoxo

  35. GeekMommy March 29, 2010 at 11:48 PM #

    Time is not only the healer but the teacher… in time, we all progress from "why??" to "thank goodness…"
    Love you sister. Still in my thoughts and prayers – as is your family. Today, Scarlett, is that other day at Tara… :)

  36. Kenza Hartley March 29, 2010 at 11:32 PM #

    I don't often post a comment but I check in on the Mayhew family daily via Peter's posts on Peyton's site and Free Anissa before that. I could not help but comment today. Anissa you are an amazing woman and your family is so blessed to have you and you to have them. I am so happy that you are back home. I think you handled Peyton's feelings very well and this post made me cry but the tears were tears of joy not sadness. It is wonderful to see you able to post again. God's Blessings to you and your entire family.

  37. Ramblings by Reba March 29, 2010 at 10:14 PM #

    Dude. This winter was COLD. It probably felt colder for your family, used to Florida and all. The snow in February was GORGEOUS, though… at least where we live, just east of Atlanta. My husband even GRILLED during it, just because he could. :) http://www.ramblingsbyreba.com/2010/02/12/grillin

  38. Lee Reyes-Fournier March 29, 2010 at 5:32 PM #

    God bless you and your family. I may not know you but you and your family have been in my prayers for months. Happy to have you back in the game and have the chance to actually meet some day.

  39. Headless Mom March 29, 2010 at 9:14 PM #

    You're a great mom, even in a chair! So great to see you back! Yep, we'd all be scared, so at 6 she's hanging in there just like the rest of us would.

  40. Lisa March 29, 2010 at 9:07 PM #

    Take it one day at a time. You've come so far. And 6 year olds are too smart for their own good – I've got one too.

  41. Holly W March 29, 2010 at 8:29 PM #

    One baby step at a time- So awesome to read your words today- Love ya girl!

  42. Mary@Holy Mackerel March 29, 2010 at 8:19 PM #

    So great to have you here!! And yes, kiddies take it hard, although they don't always show it, or know what to do with their feelings. Luckily, they're also very adaptable. All will come with time…

    Big hugs to you all.

  43. Traci Williams March 29, 2010 at 7:51 PM #

    It took time to fix Peyton, but look at her now :) You my friend are definitely not broken, you are incredible and have conquered more then most of us have in a lifetime. You and Pete have this parenting thing down so well :) Girl, I have unshakable faith in you, Peyton and the rest of the Mayhew clan. So good that you talk things through with your kids. One day at a time, one day at a time :)
    xxoo Love you!

  44. Amy March 29, 2010 at 3:39 PM #

    So happy to see you here writing, Anissa. You are so loved. xo

  45. sandi March 29, 2010 at 3:39 PM #

    ACK ! check it a blog post from you !!!!! yeah you rock, you rock hard, L-U-R-V-E seeing this. even if the topic is a Peyton meltdown… You guys did great and keep doing great, even when it feels like you are sucking and failing remember I said your doing great so obviously you are.

  46. Amo March 29, 2010 at 6:55 PM #

    What a hard lesson for a little girl to learn, but the strength that she will gain from this, that all of you will gain, will carry you so very far. Your fighting spirit has been such an inspiration, sweetheart. You have no idea….

    Much love and kisses! (Oh yes, PLENTY of kisses…. RAWR)

  47. MommyGeek March 29, 2010 at 6:53 PM #

    ((hugs)) That sounds like a hard conversation. Good thing she has such a wonderful mommy to help her get through it all. xo

  48. Becky @TheRealBecks March 29, 2010 at 6:47 PM #

    Oh man I'm sorry. I know things will take time to get better…and soon she'll undertand too.

  49. monica peapod March 29, 2010 at 5:59 PM #

    praying for patience for peyton…and for a profound hope to get your entire family through this. just look at how far you've already come, girl! it's amazing! and spectacular!

  50. earth_mommy March 29, 2010 at 5:53 PM #

    *huggles and snuggles and cuddles for you all* Isn't New Moon on DVD now? If you want, I'll send it your way.

  51. Shawna March 29, 2010 at 5:49 PM #

    Whoot! Whoot! So glad you're back. Extra hugs for Peyton. Huge life changes are difficult for everyone.

  52. amanda March 29, 2010 at 5:37 PM #

    She is going to be one hell of a woman. Look at where (who – both of you!) she comes from.

  53. jenn March 29, 2010 at 5:36 PM #

    baby steps Anissa. I think you just find the best way for each of your family members to be able to deal. hugs to you. always sending good thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

  54. Fairly Odd Mother March 29, 2010 at 5:14 PM #

    OMG, Anissa, SO GOOD to see you writing again! You guys are so great with the kids and at giving them a chance to express their fears and concerns honestly.

  55. Jess March 29, 2010 at 5:07 PM #

    I have a boner because you posted today. And, although I never commented for fear of "The Big Awesome" never even noticing I was here (I lurked…lots…I did) before the whole stroke/coma fiasco of 2009, I'm speaking up now. Because, well, how the hell else are you going to know that your posts are erection-inducing?!

    'Scuse me while I shift my balls.

    (side note: In real life, I have a vagina)

  56. mama bird diaries March 29, 2010 at 5:06 PM #

    So nice to hear your voice. I pray for you all every night. xo xo

  57. suzi March 29, 2010 at 5:04 PM #

    Happy happy happy in Minnesota to read this post from you. You are rocking it Anissa! :) The stronger you get, the more she'll understand what an amazing person you are. I don't know you at all, but you are a huge inspiration to me. Keep going Anissa!

  58. Caroline March 29, 2010 at 5:01 PM #

    I'm just one of so many who has your back while you guys heal and move through all of this. Much love, my friend.

  59. Redneck Mommy March 29, 2010 at 5:01 PM #

    Oh Nissa, I can't even imagine. One day, Peyton will understand what a marvel you are, and she will be fiercely proud of you. Just like I am. xoxo

  60. Andrea March 29, 2010 at 5:01 PM #

    Listen to the song "Hope now" by Addison Road. That song is the best comment I could offer to encourage. Still praying for ya!

  61. Maria Melee March 29, 2010 at 4:54 PM #

    Aw lady. I think about your beautiful kids all the time. All you can do is what you're doing. You guys have SUPERPOWER hope and faith and I believe in you all.

  62. amanda_jane_p March 29, 2010 at 4:53 PM #

    Tell her the two of you are two of the toughest ladies I have ever had the pleasure of reading about:) You will get through it!

  63. Brigid March 29, 2010 at 4:51 PM #

    What a great gift you are giving your daughter by listening to her words and hearing her fears. You have so much to be proud of!

  64. brittany March 29, 2010 at 4:47 PM #

    I love you my un-broken Anissa!

  65. Janine (@twincident) March 29, 2010 at 4:45 PM #

    Here's my take:
    What looks like a child struggling to deal is REALLY a child who is learning one of the most valuable lessons in life…How to be strong, faithful, and determined when life throws you curve balls. It's OK that you aren't 100% yet because in real life, she will have things that set her back for months and she'll understand that it takes hard work and patience to get through it.

    And she will thank you and Pete for showing her, by your example, how to do that.

    In this world of instant gratification, recorded TV, radio that rewinds (my Sirius radio), etc. your kids are learning that sometimes you have to wait. And you and Pete are teaching them how to make the best of that wait.

    So how about I send a couple of 7-yr olds to your house this summer for camp so they can learn that too?

    • Lisa March 29, 2010 at 9:05 PM #

      I've got a six year old who can join too. LOL

  66. Amy March 29, 2010 at 4:43 PM #

    It is so good to read your words. She will see you get stronger every day, and the two of you will get even stronger, together.

    So proud to know you and your amazing family. Lots of love to all of you.

  67. Melissa March 29, 2010 at 4:42 PM #

    One day your kids will look back on this as a time in their life that made them stronger and brought you all (even) closer as a family.. Praying for you and so glad to see you blogging!

  68. Kellee March 29, 2010 at 4:42 PM #

    Everything is but a work in progress. Tiny steps, one after another.

  69. Amy - LIParentSource March 29, 2010 at 4:41 PM #

    It's hard because when you're six, the world is full only of good. And when you see the bad, it's scary. I don't know you but have followed your story over the past few months in the blogosphere – and knowing the little I do know about you, this will be another hurdle that you will tackle with grace and ease and love for your amazing family. Keep it up Anissa, and I am so thrilled to see a post on your blog from you! Hugs and good thoughts from New York—

  70. Lisa March 29, 2010 at 4:40 PM #

    So happy to see a blog post from you :) Hugs. Each day it'll get a little easier for her, for all of you.

  71. jeff (Goteeman) March 29, 2010 at 4:39 PM #

    It's amazing to me how perceptive, resilient and wonderful kids can be… It's difficult, I know, but it also is shaping and forming her heart… I am so proud of you…
    Our boys have had a difficult time with Kim's condition… 8 years now, and they are 11 and 14… very tender-hearted boys… they're amazing…
    <3 U…
    Jeff

  72. Stacey March 29, 2010 at 4:12 PM #

    I love that your sense of humor is still completely intact with the blogpost title and your twitter stream. I can't even imagine how frustrating it must be for you all but I have to think thank the almighty Lord you're here . And I'm wishing you all the best on your road to recovery!

    XOXO,

    Stacey

  73. Superjules March 29, 2010 at 4:11 PM #

    Lots of love to you and your family <3 <3

  74. The Glamorous Life March 29, 2010 at 4:04 PM #

    I imagine the hardest part. (well aside from having like your whole body functioning back) is seeing it all play out in your children's eyes. Their world changed forever on that day too. It is a hard lesson for anyone. Of any age.

    Perhaps I need to make you a t-shirt that says.."at least I'm not dead."

    And remember laughter isn't really the best medicine. Martini's are. (but laughter is second. And if you have both at the same time, all the better)

    Hang tough.

  75. briya March 29, 2010 at 3:58 PM #

    Awwww… {{hugs}}
    and time….some hope and some time will see them through

  76. Suzanne March 29, 2010 at 3:57 PM #

    You are AMAZING.

  77. Pgoodness March 29, 2010 at 3:57 PM #

    It's hard, but she'll be ok – and so will you. Each day you get better she'll see that. I'm so happy to see you blogging here – you just made my whole day better. xoxo

  78. Angi March 29, 2010 at 3:52 PM #

    Still praying for your beautiful little family. You're doing all you can and saying all you can and that is all you can do. Love to you all.

  79. Jacki March 29, 2010 at 3:51 PM #

    Happy to see you back…sending hugs your way.

  80. Jessica (@kikarose) March 29, 2010 at 3:47 PM #

    Aw poor Peyton, it's hard to see the people you love hurting. Glad she was at least able to voice what was upsetting her. That's a huge step in the right direction.

    Hang in there, things will normalize soon enough.

  81. neena March 29, 2010 at 3:46 PM #

    Keep rocking it, Anissa!

  82. Lissa-ShrinkingJeans March 29, 2010 at 3:41 PM #

    Hope is good. Much love to you all! xo

  83. Overflowing Brain March 29, 2010 at 3:39 PM #

    It's always the most difficult in the beginning. You and Peter and your commitment to your kids is nothing short of amazing. I know that that love and willingness to talk and and listen to them is what will get all of you through all of this.

  84. kristin (kwr221) March 29, 2010 at 3:37 PM #

    I need better reading comprehension.
    I thought you said comma. ;-)

    it'll get better. But more s-l-o-w-l-y that you and they want.

  85. Desera March 29, 2010 at 3:36 PM #

    Awwww, that breaks my heart! Extra ((hugs)) and prayers to all of you! (especially Peyton)

  86. Kim @craftymamaof4 March 29, 2010 at 3:36 PM #

    You are amazing, just sayin'

    Love you! Thinking of you every day!

  87. Maya March 29, 2010 at 3:36 PM #

    oh anissa.. thank you for wrtiting. Thank you for coming back to us! we missed you so much! sending you love and prayers and hope for a full recovery- at your own pace.

  88. Chris McLaughlin March 29, 2010 at 3:34 PM #

    You're right. It's always the kids that remind us of that breakable thing inside ~ bless her. Anissa, how wonderful to see you posting again (and I'm not going to give away anything about Twilight). Things *are* going to get better…tell the thirty-six-year-old that for me will you (I think you can handle the six-year-old)?

    Enjoy spring.

  89. Tammy and Parker March 29, 2010 at 3:34 PM #

    Anissa, girl you are the LEAST broken person I know. Your soul, your spirit, your strength….perfectly and totally intact. It's just gonna take a minute for the rest to catch up.

  90. Tammy and Parker March 29, 2010 at 3:33 PM #

    Anissa, girl you are the LEAST broken person I know. Your soul, your spirit, your strength….perfectly and totally intact. It's just gonna take a minute for the rest to catch up.

    By keeping the lines of communication open with your kids, you're also keeping that hope alive.

    And we all know the miracles that hope and faith can bring forth.

    Love you.

    Tammy and Parker

  91. PrincessJenn March 29, 2010 at 3:33 PM #

    Life takes time. Hugs and love!

  92. DesignHER Momma March 29, 2010 at 3:32 PM #

    thinking about you every day. I'm so glad to see you back blogging here! Looooves.

  93. Chibi Jeebs March 29, 2010 at 3:32 PM #

    Still rooting for you all and sending prayers. <3

    *big, fat, squooshy bewbie hugs & love*

  94. Miss Grace March 29, 2010 at 3:31 PM #

    I love you. It will get better.

  95. Angella March 29, 2010 at 3:30 PM #

    Sending love and hugs, Anissa. I think that you guys are doing a fantastic job of dealing with all that you've been thrown. Praying for you guys, still and always. xoxo

  96. VDog March 29, 2010 at 3:29 PM #

    (((HUGS))) hon. And boobie smooshes. XOXO

    • Dawn March 29, 2010 at 4:13 PM #

      and you and peyton are here to get better!!!! woot!!!

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