Archive | April, 2010

you know how there are owls in the desert? this post is not about them at all.

I have noticed the change, and some others have too, I suppose. Probably everyone who used to follow my old stuff has noticed.  The new people have probably seen some difference. And we’re not just talking about the way I dress. For those that haven’t totally gotten it yet, we are talking about my writing. [...]

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when i daydream i have two good arms, but for different reasons than you think

Opportunities come that I can go out with member of my therapy team.  These chances can sometimes really teach me something important. Like the last time I went I realized something profound…I was the only one there that LOOKED handicapped.  They were all walking while I was in a wheelchair, their arms and legs worked [...]

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my first steps of independence, but i only have one leg that works, so its the faceplant of indepedence

Last night my oldest daughter had a sleepover and our son was home late from an outing.  It meant our youngest was an only child for a while. It was torture, clearly. So to make up for it we offered her the kind of reward only possible at Chick Fil A.  Waffle Fries.  Yay!!! But, [...]

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the summer of hope. and boobs. which is hope for some. especially if you’re thirteen.

We watch while there are changes here and there. An arm movement here….a leg moving there…a boob can be be grabbed all the time, apparently. But it can be hard for me to always see the differences. I see my face and body everyday. So when a friend comes that has been here every few [...]

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sometimes there can be something that is something that something does something about….sometimes

Every now and then I can find inspiration from my own body.  It can do something that I truly wasn’t expecting. My limbs can be my greatest source of frustration.  I want to see progress where there can be little sometimes.  I have to be satisfied with little. Just for the record, “little” sometimes sucks. [...]

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what they don’t tell you in charm school: boogers can always open doors for you.

Some people might laugh at our ambitions.  They can seem like a lot, to say the least. Peter brought up the idea of a home makeover when i had the first stroke in 2005.  But it seemed silly. We thought about applying when we found out our daughter had cancer in 2006.  But I was [...]

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people were really nice to me. they treated me well. apparently i owe them money now.

I woke up just a few months ago. It was unclear and confusing, I didn’t realize my body didn’t work yet. But i loved the people coming to visit me.  Some, i don’t remember.  Some, I was too tired to see. Some, made me laugh. Some, memories faint but still memorable. They were the voices [...]

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you know how you feel when you’re happy? yeah, we’re trying to make more of that.

Doing the job of five, always multi-tasking, trying to find ways to be better. A better mom…a better wife…a better blogger…a better worker…a better boss…a better do-er…an overall better person. i tried so hard. i really thought there was a brass ring to attain. I thought I was so damn close. Would there have ever [...]

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when i am superman i can fly. and bake. and knit.

I’ve been reading what others wrote about me. People wrote some really nice stuff. They thought I was incredibly nice and inspiring.  They thought I was full of hopeful dreams and bright beliefs.  They thought I was sweet and loving. They were wrong. I rub body parts and demand nudity.  I believe there is no [...]

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people that help are so important. especially if they’re helping you do really hard stuff. like yoga. and making bread.

I’ve seen a lot of fun people.  People have come to help me ace rehab and learn to be a full person again. But they have each brought something different to the game. There’s been someone who puts her hand in my face and shoves. There’s been two someones full of good tales and gossip. [...]

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let’s talk about math, baby. and if you just sang along, we’ll know about it.

Sometimes I will feel something inside that cries. It wants for things to work better.  Harder.  Right. But I always pushed for more. I thought that I could be better.  And harder.  And right. And that was before the strokes. Back when the world was simple. So now the body doesn’t work quite right. My [...]

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sometimes i have dreams. but i’m not martin luther king, jr. not THOSE kinds of dreams.

I talked dreams with my husband last night.  The confusing and nonsensical dreams that filled my sleeping coma days. i remember them. Dreams of theater that can’t finish, of westerns that don’t die,  there are big glass rooms with music that never finish, and there was someone who was done and getting ready to leave [...]

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some things suck. some things suck beyond all human understanding and belief. this is one of those things.

I want it to be not fair.  I want people to feel bad for this body. I want for everyone to understand how much it sucks to have a functioning system, then to wake up with half not working. It sucks. It really does. But at least I have half. One arm is the price [...]

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