i’m obviously handicapped. i should be pitied and given parking. that’s how it works, right?

So a lot of you are wondering what the stroke has done.

And, I’m going to tell you.

My whole right side is paralyzed….leg, arm, torso, so-forth.

My face is numb….my jaw and lips have issues.

I have crap eyes now and double vision.

I have ear and hearing problems.

That’s most of it.

I’m so sexy.

RAWR.

Get you some of this.

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40 Responses to i’m obviously handicapped. i should be pitied and given parking. that’s how it works, right?

  1. subWOW April 8, 2010 at 8:03 PM #

    This post just made me cry even harder than your previous one. How did you make me laugh at the same time when you are describing parts of your bodies that are not working well, yet? I didn't realize this is possible. I hope I have a chance to meet you in person one day. You are a life force.

  2. Kristenkj April 8, 2010 at 9:24 AM #

    I came across you months ago, when you had your stroke, and was captivated by your story, like many others I'm sure. But the reason I was so stuck on it was that my little boy had a stroke when he was 15 months old. I guess I hoped to learn a little bit about what he went through.

    But seriously lady, you are hilarious. This just makes me laugh. I am so glad you have this wit about you.

  3. Amy@UWM April 8, 2010 at 1:24 AM #

    Well, clearly your sense of humor is intact. If that was gone, then you'd really be in deep shit. So good to have you back!

  4. The Editor April 7, 2010 at 11:04 PM #

    I hear you RAWR, lady! I have followed your updates, when I first read about the strokes, I said it a hundred, million, kazillion times, that what happened to you was so freaking unfair…I have three kids, I just can't imagine…but even more unimaginable and so very impressive is the essence of you intact…you and your family are amazing, beyond belief…you have shown us how very strong a woman can be…if each us of just had a small fraction of that…well, you are inspiring us to make the most of what we have, whatever that may be…you go!

  5. Mandy April 7, 2010 at 5:29 PM #

    LMAO!! This is what I have been waiting for. I have read and read that you are a firecracker and that you are hilarious!! So happy to see for myself! I have been following you since I read about you on the Spohrs blog. I promise I am not a stalker!! LOL!! Just worried about you and your family. You have a great hubby and family. So happy to hear you are back at it. Keep up the good work. HUGS from Plano TX!

  6. Mary@Holy Mackerel April 7, 2010 at 1:24 PM #

    You are beyond sexy, and beautiful. Don't ever forget it.

  7. Kathee April 7, 2010 at 11:28 AM #

    According to MY husband, and I'm sure yours, sexiness is in the attitude, baby! And you have got it :)

  8. thepsychobabble April 6, 2010 at 7:53 PM #

    Didn't your mother tell you that strong women are sexy? Rawr indeed, woman, rawr indeed.

  9. karlerikson April 6, 2010 at 4:16 PM #

    Wait, this is different than you were before?

  10. Ace April 6, 2010 at 3:35 PM #

    Months ago when The Bloggest posted a message about your stroke I had to go find out who this person was that people would give their right arm for… It might be considered stalking, or just research, but I read every one of your blog entries. You are the mom I wish I had, and a fighter who gives me courage to face my own battles. You sure have been handed a load of shit to wade through… not fun. at. all. Its hard, it hurts, and is sure isn't fair. But what I know of you, and heard about you… you'll keep going. keep fighting…. and that is helping me to do the same. So I'll go back to "silent observer" mode… but I wanted to say I'm really glad you are here Anissa, and we all need you.

  11. Will F April 6, 2010 at 3:06 PM #

    Anissa,

    Love to still see your wonderful sense of humor!! You are an incredibly strong person and I have no doubt with time things will get better.

    All the best to you and your family

  12. Karen April 6, 2010 at 3:49 AM #

    You think it's sexy NOW. I know how all this is going to end because, you see, I read your blog backwards. I found this one after I found your hope4peyton one after I found one somewhere else that I'd found….well, the general idea is that I think I was looking for gardening supplies and by a random series of internet misadventures, I wound up on your blogs.

    ANYWAY.

    Since I arrived late in the piece, I got hooked by the recent stuff because, frankly lady, (if I can call you Frank in an entirely effeminate way), you drive a heck of a punch. I'm over here in Australia and I still have the cranial bruise from reading your exploits. Once I started reading, it was just another cookie-packet syndrome episode all over again. The tops ones tasted so good that the ones at the bottom didn't stand a chance. So I kept reading. Backwards. And the truly gobsmacking thing about it was that, before my very eyes, admittedly a little moist at times but let's pretend that was from giggle fits, you emerged entirely and utterly whole. And awesome.

    It might be hard for you to look back and reflect on what was, to know the way things were and face the reality that they have now changed, and I completely understand that, but from the humble perspective of this insignificant bystander who had the good fortune of being ignorant enough to witness a miracle, I will stubbornly believe I have proof that you are going to emerge triumphant. The rest of you are just holding the book upside down.

    - Karen

  13. Hockeymandad April 6, 2010 at 1:03 AM #

    Bullshit. You and your family looked GREAT!

  14. jessica April 5, 2010 at 5:08 PM #

    you've got a rockin family.

  15. If I Could Escape April 5, 2010 at 4:49 PM #

    So pleased to see you back!

  16. Michelle April 5, 2010 at 4:41 PM #

    Anissa, I had JUST found you when you went and had another flippin' stroke and I was SO PISSED at the world because….well, FOUL!!!!! I am so glad you are back. I think you should get parking just because of what a total BADASS you are. The placard could have, like, I picture of Chuck Norris with the universal symbol for NO crossing him out and your gorgeous punim right next to him.

  17. Suzy April 5, 2010 at 3:29 PM #

    Dude, I have handicapped parking after my disastrous ankle surgery left all my fingers numb and my upper arms unable to turn the wheel of my car and in agonizing pain. So you should TOTALLY get it.

    I'm the brain trust who sent you the postcard pic of 2 little girls, one of whom was flipping the bird at the camera. I HAVE NO BOUNDARIES but did run the picture thru The Bloggess to make sure you'd laugh.

  18. Elisa April 5, 2010 at 6:29 AM #

    Hmmmm. and yet you still rock. It takes a special kind of awesomeness, babe, and guess what – you've got it ;-) So.Fricking.Fantastic. having you back!!

  19. LisaUnfiltered April 5, 2010 at 1:07 AM #

    and we love you JUST the way you are (insert Billy Joel music here….)

  20. Overflowing Brain April 5, 2010 at 1:07 AM #

    They can take your right side, but not your wit and sarcasm.

    I will get me some of that. In August. Count on it.

  21. Half Assed Kitchen April 5, 2010 at 4:09 AM #

    But still hilarious. No damn stroke can take that away.

    You cougar, you.

  22. Suebob April 5, 2010 at 3:59 AM #

    As my sis used to say "I don't know why they call it handicapped. It's not handy to ME!" Thank you. I'll be here all week. Tip your waiters.

  23. Redneck Mommy April 5, 2010 at 1:42 AM #

    Look at you, pulling the handicapped card. I knew I loved you.

    You do realize I adopt handicapped people. I'll totally adopt you. Plus, I have a handicapped placard and can park where ever I want. It'll be a total win.

  24. Last Girl Standing April 5, 2010 at 1:37 AM #

    Oh, hon, I'm not even half as sexy as you… what's my excuse? Other than genetics ;)

    You amaze me! Paralyzed or not! *hugs*

  25. Amy April 5, 2010 at 1:36 AM #

    No pity here – just awe! You are still a force of nature with a megawatt smile. Nothing has changed. You are still one of the strongest people I've ever known.

  26. Jo-Lynne April 5, 2010 at 1:35 AM #

    At least it didn't take your sense of humor. Now THAT would be a pity. SO glad to have you back!!

  27. Stimey April 5, 2010 at 1:33 AM #

    Sister, you will ALWAYS be sexy.

  28. sandi April 5, 2010 at 1:30 AM #

    Stop trying to out do me… GOSH !!! I know this is just another step in your plan to one up the Kirks again… I thought I finally won with the hangy brain thing but NO, you gotta go and do this.. jeez… Good news is… a few months back I told you we would meet in the middle, now I can see you are already passing me by.. You go girl ! and yeah, your hella sexy,

  29. The Glamorous Life April 5, 2010 at 1:26 AM #

    Well that just blows. BUT it beats the alternative. Glad to have you here. And give it time. Your one side is just like a little hungover. I mean that was one hell of a stroke you thru. Plus the coma after-party really put it over the top.
    :-)

  30. SarahInMI April 5, 2010 at 1:25 AM #

    That is freakin' sexy – attitude, humor, and good parking? TOTALLY hawt.

  31. Kelley April 5, 2010 at 1:21 AM #

    nah, you get to say inappropriate things and blame it on the stroke.

    It is all kinds of freaking awesome.

  32. brittany April 5, 2010 at 1:17 AM #

    Um, funny…I barely noticed. I just think you are gorgeous as ever. PLUS GOOD PARKING OMG!

  33. Mary Jo April 5, 2010 at 1:13 AM #

    You sound perfect! So happy you are alive and healing. :-)

  34. alotofnothing April 5, 2010 at 1:13 AM #

    You're still on your game, mama. I saw that yesterday in all your hotness.

  35. Angella April 5, 2010 at 1:11 AM #

    You're just as funny/beautiful/awesome as ever. Love you.

  36. Neena April 5, 2010 at 1:10 AM #

    We are just glad you're back – and we'll take it any way we can get it!

  37. maryc April 5, 2010 at 1:06 AM #

    The Bloggess alerted me to you in her twitter, when you had your stroke. I read the stuff on your blog, and thought you were my kinda people. With this particular blog post? I know it. You embrace the suckiness of what has happened to you, and highlight the ironic hilarity that it can be. And that's why you are gonna be okay. You're like the Mary Poppins of stroke patients. You find the fun and make the pain a game. And that's how I know you are gonna be okay.

    That and Ralph Maccio totally has your back.

    Sincerely,
    @worldocrap (twitter name)

  38. Grumble Girl April 5, 2010 at 1:06 AM #

    Can you feel me biting you on the neck right now? You know what that makes me, don't you? Say it. OUT LOUD…

  39. Jen April 5, 2010 at 1:03 AM #

    And yet you still manage to threaten my ass. I'd say you are in perfect working order. (ma'am heh)

  40. Mindy April 5, 2010 at 1:00 AM #

    I don't think you've changed much when it's the inside that really counts.

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