i told my kid birthday parties ended well…i lied

Someone cried at my 9yo’s birthday party, but she wasn’t 9yo.

We had this whole party planned, we would let them cook their own pizzas and decorate their own butterfly cakes.  Everything had been planned the best that it could, toppings and drinks, pans and movies.

We didn’t plan that Pete would have to work.

When the girls were ready to make pizza.

While I was in my chair and so limited.

I had to do everything I could do with one arm, in a wheelchair, to make it feel like a party for my girl.  We’d sent the other two kids to their grandmother’s, so I didn’t even have emergency backup of a twelve year old.

So, after I helped the six girls create the pizzas of their dreams, with flour everywhere, and cheese sprinkled everywhere, I got my husband to stop long enough to help put pizzas in the oven.

The girls giggled, the pizzas cooked, and Anissa bawled like a baby.

I remember a time when birthday parties were nothing.  Doing all the stuff that made it fun was no problem at all.  Man, I was a party queen.

And I was crying.

Even though no one else noticed, I felt the worst sort of failure.

The girls made pizza because I couldn’t help them make anything more adventurous.

The girls used store decorator icing because I couldn’t use food coloring to make my own.

We had to use two cakes instead of one because my husband was forced to make it.

Fail = me.

Dude, I had to cry.

It was that or explode.

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60 Responses to i told my kid birthday parties ended well…i lied

  1. Kristina August 13, 2010 at 8:06 PM #

    When I read your post I image you as my mother. Literally. I picture her. I am a child of a multiple stroke survivor. Although my mother has passed, and not from a stroke she lived for many many years after having 3 strokes in a two week span. I want you to know how amazing you are for even BEING there for the birthday party let alone running the show.

    Being in the position your children are now I just want you to know something. I got pitied when I was younger, and you know what. It made me strong. My sister and I stopped being included in FAMILY parties and events, holidays and so forth (literally by our own family) becuase noone ever understood how strong my mother actually was. But, you know what…. when I grew up I had a friend, who has been a friend to me for a long time tell me that she envied the way I grew up. How when my family tackled this event and remained in tact it showed on us. Like a Badge. For a long time I was angry as many children would be at GOD for taking from me. It took a while for me to realize what he had given me in return. Time. Years. More than a decade. My mother perservered much the same as you do, and your children will drink in your strength and be molded into perfection. You are amazing.

  2. Hamlet's Mistress July 30, 2010 at 4:39 PM #

    Luckily, I read your husband’s post about the party before your own and, chica, it sounds like you were a rock star. All he saw was happiness and laughter and smiles. It was far from a fail. And I’m so proud of you. I wish you could have enjoyed it more.

    Hamlet’s Mistress´s last post…I Don’t Cook

  3. Jennifer June July 7, 2010 at 4:17 PM #

    I am lucky to have recently lived through a traumatic illness.
    My 18 year old daughter move out last weekend, into her very own apartment.
    I felt guilty for not being strong enough to carry furniture or paint her new room for her and guilty for not having money (after being out of work since I was in the hospital) to buy her new grown-up things for her new grown-up place.
    This isn’t at all how I imagined it would be.
    It was heartbreaking.
    I totally hear where you’re coming from.

    My daughter was so proud of herself and happy that I was there to witness it and I’m sure your daughter would have happily eaten cold canned beans for her birthday if it meant having you there to share it with her.
    Remember how far you’ve come.
    .-= Jennifer June´s last blog ..Born Free =-.

  4. jill June 10, 2010 at 3:45 AM #

    anissa, you are so freaking amazing. please know that! what you have accomplished this past 200 or so days is beyond my understanding. your daughter was so proud of you. your husband was so proud of you. know that!! i understand why you cried and why you felt like a failure, but your daughter was so happy to have you there trying your absolute best. it sounded like a lot of fun. you’ll get there, girl. you’re amazing.

  5. Kim ~ CraftyMamaof4 June 7, 2010 at 7:31 AM #

    most important thing is that you were there! Rachel won’t remember the mess, or the cake, she will remember that she had her mom there and that her mom ROCKS!

    Love ya! cant wait to see you in August ;)

  6. Jenny, Bloggess June 1, 2010 at 5:47 PM #

    For Hailey’s birthday I ordered a special cake bc I can’t cook and then when I was walking out of the store with it the wind caught the top and it smashed all over the ground an hour before the party. I tried to scoop it up and you could see “Happy Birthday Hailey ” upside down on the asphalt. Then I went home and cried and Victor ran back to the store to buy another one because I JUST COULDN’T TAKE IT. Birthday parties are fucking stressful even with two good arms.

  7. Rae June 1, 2010 at 10:23 AM #

    Anissa, I understand you being sad about not being able to be as fully functional as you would have liked at her birthday.

    My mom died when I was 11. You are THERE! You give your children hope, you set an example of what is possible even amongst the greatest of challenges. You alone carry a mother’s living love, the greatest gift on any birthday. I don’t even want to recount the lonely birthdays after my mother passed, this year could have been much different for you and your family, but you are a true warrior and even though you might feel like you failed her or any of the children with regards to what you are not able to do right NOW…you are laying the foundation for them to know the endless possibilities of this human form, this is far from failure and a lot more than most kids will learn at their age. Keep on rocking with your bad ass self woman!

  8. Adrianscrazylife May 31, 2010 at 11:40 PM #

    Can’t really add anything to what everyone else has said, but I’m sorry you were sad. It’s normal – you need to mourn what has happened to your old life, but it’s a shame none of the other Mom’s offered to stay and help you. I would have. Glad you were able to make an enjoyable party for your daughter, even if it wasn’t what you had planned.

  9. Kathy May 31, 2010 at 11:08 PM #

    As I read this I thought you were going to say you cried out of happiness that you were able to do all this for your daughter when a only few months ago you were in the hospital. Your “failure” line completely took me by surprise–maybe because you had described the same birthday party we did for my 9 year old daughter and her friends, and I know how much fun they had. You rock, grrrrl. You didn’t mention the type of store frosting you used, but if it was the stuff you spray out of the can, kids love that!

  10. Ginny May 31, 2010 at 9:22 AM #

    I have nothing new and original to add to any of the comments, but I just wanted to throw in my opinion of how great you did with this party. Trust me, kids don’t zero in on the things you were worried about, like the jarred icing. I’m certain they had a blast making their pizzas and decorating their cakes. All your daughter will realize as she looks back on it is that a) she had a fun party and b) you were AMAZING to attempt such a feat. xo

  11. DefendUSA May 31, 2010 at 8:49 AM #

    Seriously? GTFO? I have 2 of everything that I should and it all works- But, I have had only one party to die for…that is surely an F=failure!! I have no excuses for ever not throwing that cutely little “let’s be a chef” party… or not signing on to even a ‘Pump It Up” party where they do all the work. I have four kids and only one has had “the Party.” I. clearly. suck.
    You *MUST* give yourself kudos for getting it done. I am sure your reaction is normal, as well. It is hard when the reality is that you can’t twinkle your nose like Bewitched and Git er done! It’s okay!!

  12. Queen of the Click May 31, 2010 at 12:30 AM #

    Just being there and wanting your daughter to have a great party is all that will matter in her memories.

    You are here.

    For that we are all very grateful.

  13. Ktbug Ladydid May 30, 2010 at 10:52 PM #

    Anissa, seriously. Just grab some absurd amount of chocolate (or food of choice), and chill. :) You are an incredible kick-ass mom to these kids, and did a better job than many moms at parties I’ve attended in my youth. And you know what? The only thing I remember about the cakes is making a complete and utter mess. And that was the BEST part. I don’t remember how they tasted, or really what they looked like; I remember giggling, laughing, and being completely ridiculous with my friends and family. Yes, some can tell the difference between store bought and home-made icing. But it’s the thought and love that matters.
    .-= Ktbug Ladydid´s last blog peeved I could kick something. =-.

  14. Susie May 30, 2010 at 2:08 PM #

    I’m new to your blog and can relate on many levels. My late husband had a heroic 5-year cancer battle (he was diagnosed at only 42) and your daughter had cancer. My mom had a stroke too. You’re a gifted writer and I adore writing. I spent hours last night catching up.
    I just asked my son about a memory of my mom after she had her stroke. He’s 24 now and this happened when he was about 9. My mom wanted ice cream for dinner and so that’s what we had. My kids had two cups, but my mom—with her crooked grin–merrily hit her spoon on her cup asking for a 3rd. I gave it to her! He doesn’t remember that she couldn’t scoop out the ice cream from the container. He only remembers that we laughed ourselves silly and that we had strawberry–her fav.
    Life isn’t about store-bought frosting, Anissa, it’s about “cheese and flour everywhere” and WHO is at birthday parties. I bet if you ask your 9-year old daughter what her absolute best birthday present was ever, she will unequivocally say it was YOU being there.

  15. Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] May 30, 2010 at 2:01 PM #

    You did more with one arm than I do with 2 for my girls’ parties.

    I’m so incredibly proud of how far you’ve come.

  16. melanie May 30, 2010 at 2:01 PM #

    If anyone had a right to pick up the phone and have Dominos deliver, it was you. But Nooo, from your chair, you helped your girl and her friends make pizza and have a great party. Sure, you were dissapointed in yourself because your a different kind of Super Woman right now than you’re used to being, but those kids still saw Super Woman….I don’t see the fail here…You’re still setting the bar high for the rest of us.

  17. liz May 30, 2010 at 1:29 PM #

    She won’t remember the pre-fab icing. She’ll remember that you did it, and in 15 years it will be the memory of the best birthday ever.


  18. Nancy May 30, 2010 at 12:16 PM #

    It’s not the victory that matters here. It’s the battle. The fact that you even attempted this is nothing short of miraculous. Hell. the fact that you were even here for this birthday celebration is miraculous. And THAT, dear Anissa, is the best gift you can give your child. Fuck the pizza and screw the cake. You were there.

  19. Renee May 30, 2010 at 11:59 AM #

    Oh, Anissa, you are a far stronger woman than I. No WAY did you fail. There is no way I could handle several 9 year olds on my own, I would have cried way before you did. You did great. They laughed and had a blast and she’s going to remember how fun it was making those pizzas and being with her mom and her friends, not whether store-bought icing was used. You are one awesome chick.

  20. Sandy Jenney May 30, 2010 at 8:42 AM #

    Crying is much better than exploding ….yes. I am sure that was very frustrating for you.
    It made me think of my mom. When my now 17 yr old son was 5 and learning to read. My mom had melanoma and brain tumor & a couple smaller strokes. But her speech was affected. She would mix up words…when she could get them out.
    But my son crawled in her hosp. bed (in family room) and was showing her how he could read. She used to be a teacher so she loved it. But he said some words wrong. My tried to correct him and told him the wrong word. It was right in her head…but came out like phone instead of horse (or something like that). He finished…jumped up and happy. She cried. Was so upset that she had told him wrong words and couldn’t help him like she should. Guess what…today…he still talks about reading to Grandma. It is one of his cherished memories of her. He doesn’t remember that she told him a wrong word.
    .-= Sandy Jenney´s last blog ..Explore Ohio with Sandy =-.

  21. Amy Barlow May 30, 2010 at 12:24 AM #

    I am two handed and not in a chair. I would not be able to handle 9 year olds in the kitchen making Pizzas and decorating cakes without an entourage to help me. You did GREAT! But I do understand your frustration at not being able to do what you wanted to do. Anissa you are an inspiration and you taught those kids a lot about strength today. ROCK ON!

  22. Chibi Jeebs May 30, 2010 at 12:20 AM #

    You are so NOT fail! I guarandamntee all she’s going to remember is how awesome it was you were there helping them make pizzas, not that you couldn’t do it all yourself.

    That being said, I’m glad you got it out and didn’t asplode. You amaze and inspire me, lady. <3
    .-= Chibi Jeebs´s last blog ..Reading: love it or hate it? =-.

  23. artconstellation May 29, 2010 at 11:50 PM #

    You are not a failure!!! You are an amazingly strong woman. You are overcoming a huge trauma to your mind and body and you are doing an AMAZING JOB AT HEALING. You are not a failure- you are an inspiration.

  24. Pattie May 29, 2010 at 10:56 PM #

    If you failed at anything here, it’s seeing how great you handled the birthday party. And it sounds like your daughter and her friends had a great time regardless if you thought they did or not. Really, though, the most important thing is you were there for this birthday party. And that’s what she’ll remember the most. :)
    .-= Pattie´s last blog ..Photoblogging: Cemetery/Flowers =-.

  25. Kelly Maguire May 29, 2010 at 10:23 PM #

    Home-made pizza and decorating cakes sounds AWESOME to me. My mother used to make everything for us and all I longed for was some store-bought frosting and a vanilla cake. Seriously….you are doing an amazing job and should be really proud!!
    .-= Kelly Maguire´s last blog ..He’s parenting ME =-.

  26. Elinor May 29, 2010 at 9:33 PM #

    Oh Annisa, I get it — it sucks when the little things and the happy moments remind you of how things have changed (back injury for me). But I am amazed by everything you ‘are’ doing for your kids, pizza and butterfly cakes sound perfect! Regardless of who puts them in the oven!! But I know you would like to be the one to do everything that you used to do. I cried a little reading this post, I wish you could do everything too. You will get there! I know you will!

  27. ThePeachy1 May 29, 2010 at 8:55 PM #

    Yeah ok it sucks, you wanted to do more, you were limited. Point is you did it. Bigger point is YOU were here for her birthday, I don’t even think you get the level of friggin awesome that is showing these young girls YOU are a mom, in a chair using 1 arm and doing it… It will be forever ingrained in them that IT IS POSSIBLE, we saw Ms Anissa do it when we were kids. Now. you have had your cry and you were entitled to it, but be warned. Your about to play ball, and theres no crying in baseball sister… Your a rock star, slip on your hooker shoes and get ready. Your fans await ( yes they are short and live there, but they are your biggest fans..)

  28. Lisa May 29, 2010 at 8:44 PM #

    OK, I’m calling you out. Failure??? Are you kidding? You manage a party filled with 9 yr olds COOKING one handed? You did not fail, sweetie. You made badass memories with your kids. That’s al you need to do. Next time you think your kids care whether the frosting is homemade or not, ask them. They probably don’t give a damn, they’re just glad you were there. And what kid would NOT have fun making pizza. Come on, I’m not buying it. Anissa=overachiever. All is well.
    .-= Lisa´s last blog ..Things I’ve learned from my kids =-.

  29. Kelley @ Magnetoboldtoo May 29, 2010 at 8:33 PM #

    ouch. My heart.

    I totally understand. But you know that ALL she will remember is you being there and the fun they had. Hard to envision now, but so true. I wish I could bring my Damn Emos over to your house so they could tell you this.
    .-= Kelley @ Magnetoboldtoo´s last blog ..The perfect solution to stop people staring at my RoboBoot. Or the fact that I may or may not have my pants on backwards. =-.

  30. Alicia May 29, 2010 at 8:31 PM #

    Oh Anissa, you did not fail sweetie. I know it had to be frustrating and depressing and a let down for YOU, but guess what. The party wasn’t for you. It was for your daughter. And when she grows up, do you think she will even remember what she put on the pizza? Doubtful. What she WILL remember, is that her superhero mom fought to BE THERE on her birthday. She will remember that her mom made her feel like the luckiest girl alive. She will remember that YOU made her party happen. Whether is was exactly how you pictured it or not, it was everything she wished for for months.
    .-= Alicia´s last blog ..Why My Husband Can NEVER Be An Actor…Or A Game Character…Or In A Comic Book… =-.

  31. Bridget May 29, 2010 at 8:28 PM #

    Anissa = not a failure
    Anissa = pure awesome
    Anissa = mom of the year
    .-= Bridget´s last blog ..Livin’ Life at 30-50% =-.

  32. Kristin May 29, 2010 at 8:23 PM #

    Anissa honey, cut yourself some slack. You are so far from a failure. You ROCKED that party. Having you at the party and running it (even if it’s not how you wanted to run it) was the VERY best gift your 9 year old could get. The kids won’t remember that it was only pizza or that it was store bought icing. They will remember that they got to laugh and have fun and create. You totally kicked ass!
    .-= Kristin´s last blog ..So, whatcha doing this summer? =-.

  33. Laurita Olmstead May 29, 2010 at 8:21 PM #

    You know all you had to do was have Peter call me and I would have come and helped you. That is part of my job is to help you along with cleaning that house. Anissa call me before you get so depressed.

  34. Beth May 29, 2010 at 7:28 PM #

    As I started reading this post, all I could think was that that party sounded AWESOME, and like much more than I would want to attempt anytime soon. And I haven’t had a stroke. And store-bought icing…is there any other kind? You see what I’m talking about? ;^) I’m sorry you felt so sad and frustrated. Please know you’re doing a helluva lot better than folks like me. What’s more, it sounds like your daughter and her friends had a good time, you made it happen, and you were THERE. That’s what matters. *hug*
    .-= Beth´s last blog ..So Here’s What’s Been Going On =-.

  35. Kim @ Beautiful Wreck May 29, 2010 at 7:01 PM #

    You are not a failure. Your kid will probably look back on this birthday and think it was fantastic and say how much fun they had with friends making their own food. They will remember you being there and what you did to help, and think Thank God you were. Things do not have to be perfect to create wonderful memories for our children. You know this.

    PS I would have cried too, but I would hope one of my friends would tell me to snap out of it.
    .-= Kim @ Beautiful Wreck´s last blog ..Dear Kim: I answer questions on sex, adoption, parenting, and homeschooling =-.

  36. Helen May 29, 2010 at 6:52 PM #

    Anissa, you are definitely NOT a failure, you are a shining example of an indomitable spirit!!! I have three teens, and rarely have I made a birthday cake myself (as both my mother and mother-in-law did for our birthdays…), in fact, if I do, it will be a cake out of a packet any way! What a fun party you put on for your daughter! I am sure she is very happy! Love and hugs

  37. Colleen May 29, 2010 at 6:37 PM #

    OK, if it makes you feel any better, that is the kind of party I threw and I had a husband, two arms that worked and I could walk. Nothing is wrong with pizza and store bought icing, I have NEVER made homemade icing and my kids turned out juuuuuuuust fine. My daughter bawled at her birthday also and for no reason other than she was overwhelmed with the noise and chaos. Repeat after me: I AM NOT A FAILURE, I AM AN AMAZING MOTHER WHO GAVE 110% TO MAKE MY DAUGHTER HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  38. Ali @PickleSugarPlum May 29, 2010 at 5:40 PM #

    I pretty much feel the same as all of the above comments have stated…and then some.

    As “there is no crying in baseball”, “There is no FAIL in Anissa”.

    Hugs and Love for you and yours.

    Chin up, Lovey. Stop worrying over the things you aren’t, and remember all of those amazing wonderful things you ARE.

  39. Laurie May 29, 2010 at 5:36 PM #

    Oh, Anissa, that is not fail by any means! You’re HERE. You got to be there for your daughter’s birthday! You are home. Your mind is intact. Your body is getting better. So much WIN! I can’t imagine how frustrating it must be to be trapped in a body that’s not working right, and unable to do little things that I’m sure I take for granted. But it’s NOT fail. At ALL. You are so strong and so amazing. You are kicking ass. *hugs*

  40. Michelle May 29, 2010 at 5:27 PM #

    I’m glad you cried instead of exploding. That being said, though? When I read that they were gonna make their own pizzas and cakes I thought, “What a KICK ASS idea!” And then I thought, “This woman was IN A COMA not long ago and she’s more helpful at a party than I am on my best of days.”

    Anissa, you kick ALL KINDS of ass.

  41. alimartell May 29, 2010 at 5:03 PM #

    next time you get on the phone. Emily and I would have been over in an hour to help save the day!

    love you. xoxo
    .-= alimartell´s last blog ..Daniel the Boy Barbie =-.

  42. Lucretia Pruitt May 29, 2010 at 5:01 PM #

    Oh hon… no you don’t equal fail – the situation does.
    The only thing that sucks more than having to fight around your limits is remembering when you didn’t have them.
    You did awesome. You pushed hard and did an amazing job. Not everything has to be sunshine & lollipops. Sometimes it’s okay for it to be “showed up for the party.” And it’s totally okay to cry.
    As a matter of fact, it’s why we have tears – not because our eyes are dry – but because we just have to get that stuff out or we’ll explode from it.

    Hang in there.
    .-= Lucretia Pruitt´s last blog ..Social Media Marketing’s Dirty Little Secret =-.

  43. Tracy Solomon May 29, 2010 at 4:59 PM #

    Anissa, you are more amazing to me. You don’t see yourself through the eyes of others which is a totally normal thing. You are a hero to so many! I know you are to each of your kids. You go above and beyond to do more than your best, to stretch and go the extra mile, to do more than anyone can push you and to push yourself even more. If someone thinks you can do something, you are going to prove them wrong and do more. I agree with an above comment because I can promise you, I wouldn’t have done half of what you were doing and I am not in a wheelchair. It is okay, more than okay to get frustrated. What you are going through is far from something anyone can plan, prepare for or ever be okay with. You definitely can’t accept it or settle for it. You have to be pissed at it, not accept it and move forward, one feeling at a time, one new sensation at a time and keep hoping and driving to do more. You are only capable of what you can do though and what you did for the birthday party was more than anyone’s dreams because you were there. That alone was prayers answered, dreams answered and I know many wishes upon many stars!

    Love, Tracy Solomon
    .-= Tracy Solomon´s last blog ..Life’s Lessons: Cancer, The Bridge, and Walmart =-.

  44. Stimey May 29, 2010 at 4:31 PM #

    I can only imagine how tough that was for you. But you know what? You were there. I bet that was worth more to your daughter than the fanciest birthday party ever could have been. You were there.
    .-= Stimey´s last blog ..I Don’t Get Anything Done Anymore =-.

  45. Lisa May 29, 2010 at 3:57 PM #

    Oh, Anissa, it’s completely okay to cry, to feel frustrated. But, please don’t for a second think that you failed your daughter. That was probably the best birthday she’s ever had. Not only did she have all her friends, get to make pizza and cake (who doesn’t love that), but she had you there.

    You are a rock star, an awesome mom, an amazing human being. Love you.

  46. steff May 29, 2010 at 3:08 PM #

    Girl, you have high expectations of yourself which is certainly why you are recovering your abilities amazingly, BUT you did a fantastic job adapting so your girl could have a party with her bestest friends !

    I want to say don’t be so hard on yourself, but I know that mindset is what is getting you adapted to your new life.

    I stink at words, thats why I’m a blog reader not writer! :)

  47. Jess May 29, 2010 at 3:04 PM #

    Nis, I get where you’re coming from. Irecovered from a traumatic brain injury and while I know that things could have been so much worse (or that I could have died, etc), the disabilities that I have are at times devastating. When people say “Oh, you’re so lucky, it could have been so much worse”, I nod and smile, but occasionally am inside screaming “I know I could have died, but I didn’t. AND THIS IS AS WORSE AS IT GETS!”. It’s okay to cry – keeping a stiff upper lip gets ridiculous after a while…

    On days like her birthday, you’re not thinking about regaining sensation in your foot, but about what you’ve lost. And that’s okay. At her 10th birthday party, you’re going to be blowing all of them away with your homemade icing and amazing food. And we’re all going to be cheering you on. And 20 years from now, she’s not going to remember DIY pizza night or canned icing – she’ll remember that Mommy was there.

    Hang in there chicky. We love you.

    • Traci May 29, 2010 at 3:27 PM #

      I love this comment, so true.

    • Jessica June 3, 2010 at 11:42 AM #

      I love this comment, too. I am learning so much by reading Anissa’s blog – and I couldn’t articulate why I got Anissa’s sense of failure even if I personally don’t agree with that perception. And this comment really does explain it. Anissa rocks and Anissa’s community rocks just as hard.

  48. Kim May 29, 2010 at 3:02 PM #

    You had a party for your daughter; you were there for her at her party. I don’t see how that is a fail. Maybe it wasn’t what you thought it should be but I bet your daughter doesn’t care. Most people wouldn’t have attempted it.

  49. HubeiMama May 29, 2010 at 3:00 PM #

    Wow. That’s a fail? Then I suck as a mom because if I managed to pull that cool of a party off then I would count it as a great big success…and I’m not recovering from a stroke and have full mobility so I have no excuses other than little imagination and lack of a party planning/execution gene.

    What I’m saying is that it sounds like an awesome party and even though it might not be up to your standards it’s still way better than lots of us non-party queens can do.
    .-= HubeiMama´s last blog ..Mother’s Day Interview =-.

  50. Pgoodness May 29, 2010 at 2:59 PM #

    Oh honey, I’m sure you felt like a failure because of what you used to be able to do, but I think you’re a gigantic success!! You did it ALONE!! But best of all you were THERE.


  51. Chrystal May 29, 2010 at 2:55 PM #

    Awww, you are a friggin ROCK STAR. <3 I don't even do pizza making and all that, and I'm not in a wheelchair.
    .-= Chrystal´s last blog ..Weddings pt. 2 Dresses =-.

  52. Elizabeth May 29, 2010 at 2:54 PM #

    New follower here, and while I don’t know exactly how long you’ve been in this condition, reading the above comments showed me some perspective – you are in recovery from something that very well could have killed you… maybe should have killed you… the only difference being that you were too strong, to full of life to succumb to “what should have been”. You provided your daughter with memories she would NOT have had if you hadn’t survived the stroke – imagine a 9 year old bday party that DAD had to do alone, without you? I think the crying would have been for all involved! You are there with your children, making memories to last a life time… that’s more than a lot of kids get! You are present, and available to them – regardless of whether you can use your whole body – you give your whole heart, and for kids – that most definitely is more than enough!
    You are in my prayers, and I’m certainly a new follower! You rock lady!!! Your courage and determination in the face of the odds against you is an inspiration to us all! Now, suck it up and go eat some icing! ;)
    .-= Elizabeth´s last blog ..New look…weekly wrap up =-.

  53. laurie May 29, 2010 at 2:39 PM #

    Oh, sweetie, you with half your physical capacity still give better birthday parties than a physically whole me! And I am not exaggerating here.

    Also: You mean you can make icing yourself that doesn’t come in a can? Who knew?

  54. Scatteredmom May 29, 2010 at 2:38 PM #

    I agree, Anissa. The best thing about that party for your girl was that you were THERE. She wouldn’t have cared if you couldn’t make your own icing, she wanted her Mom.

    I won’t lie and say I wouldn’t have felt the same way as you if I were in your situation. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to want to do all the things you used to, and your body just won’t allow you to. I’m sure you miss being able to do them for your kids, without any effort at all. Our identity as Moms is so tied to what we can DO for our kids, whether it’s cook for them, do the laundry, or bake them a birthday cake.

    (Hugs) I guess sweetie, you’ll have to find other things you can do and while it’s hard, I know that you’re a fighter and you will. You are so NOT a failure.
    .-= Scatteredmom´s last blog ..Food Revolution Friday: Cooking in the Revolution! =-.

  55. Amy May 29, 2010 at 2:36 PM #

    Anissa, seriously, when I heard the stroke occurred in your brain stem, I didn’t think you’d ever open your eyes again. That you’re making pizzas 6 months later at all is a frigging miracle. Give yourself a break!
    .-= Amy´s last blog ..Follow Up To Yesterday’s Post =-.

  56. Kristin May 29, 2010 at 2:32 PM #

    Anissa, you are being WAY too hard on yourself. You are awesome! Let’s look at the facts:

    1. Kids LOVE pizza. Make it yourself pizza IS adventurous to 9yos. Getting to choose your own toppings, construct it yourself = awesome.

    2. There is NOTHING wrong with using store-bought shortcuts like icing. Nothing. If it makes your life easier, it’s good. Seriously – that should be a rule somewhere.

    3. The pizzas got baked, the girls giggled, the kids had FUN.

    4. Your party WAS a success in all the ways that matter in the long run. 10 years from now, who cares what was on the menu? The memories of the fun time are all that are left.

    You have made amazing progress. We are all so proud of you. You and I have never met, but I have been cheering you on through this whole thing, laughing and crying along with you. I got teary-eyed over this post, because I really do understand where you are coming from. But you MUST go easier on yourself.

    Because seriously – you rock. :)

  57. Vonnie May 29, 2010 at 2:30 PM #

    Eh, FAIL?! FAIL?!!

    Anissa, exactly how long ago were you lying in a hospital bed unconscious with people across the world PRAYING that you’d simply make it through the night? How long ago were you completely immobile? How long ago were you even released and brought home to your family? For the love of the wee man, Woman! You managed to hold a birthday party – which I bet your daughter LOVED – and catered to her & her friends’ whims. You said yourself – the girls giggled. Isn’t that the best sound? And more importantly, isn’t that what you did?! Yeah, you’re totally a failure ;)

    P.S. I am willing to bet all of my money (admittedly that amounts to about £20 max right now) that your girl will have been absolutely ECSTATIC that you were at her birthday, helping her & her friends make pizza. Because quite honestly? She’ll remember all too well when there was a real chance that you might not have been there at all. Cherish it – you did GREAT!


  1. Milestones | Hope4Peyton - June 6, 2010

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