naked hopping, not as exciting as it sounds

I haven’t been inside my shower since November 2009.  Today I sat outside the door and looked in.

Shampoo was still in the same place.  So was the razor for shaving your chin (or legs, depending who you are).  Ready for use was the bath soap, the adult kind, not the kid’s.

No one would ever know that it’s a place full of fears.

What if I fall?

What if I slip?

What if it causes me more pain in my eye?

Perspective changes when you only have one arm to work with.

Do I choose to wash myself? Or do I hold myself up. How do I pull myself in? Is there a way to pull yourself out?

I dare you to get naked (heh), tie one arm where you can’t use it, then wash your hair.  Did I tell you to hop on one foot?

You have to think of all of these things and you’ll still forget now and then.  But there is one thing you never have, the thing you can’t forget, what you were SO used to that you have to get over….


Someone will always have to be there.  You can never be alone.

Even if you wanted.

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16 Responses to naked hopping, not as exciting as it sounds

  1. The Flamingo Room May 24, 2010 at 1:28 PM #

    Oh, dear. I’m sorry everything is so hard! Have you found dry shampoo yet? They sell a bunch of different kinds at Sephora. Just spray it in your hair, let sit for 2 minutes, then brush it out. Your hair will be lovely for a couple of days sans water. Just a small item that might alleviate the pressure of one aspect of this…?
    .-= The Flamingo Room´s last blog ..Find it =-.

  2. defendUSA May 24, 2010 at 8:04 AM #

    I tried to do it. After I read this, I tried to do it…Saturday. One hand tied behind my back, well, to the side-just to make it fair. I put a folding chair with a hand-towel in the shower stall for my ass to sit on. I put the shampoo on the left side of me and made my right leg drag. Still doesn’t make it equal. I can shampoo my hair, it took longer. I could wash myself –if I closed my eyes, time and space were normal. I shaved my legs and that also took much longer. I almost fell off the chair and had no right hand to stop me. I wasn’t close enough to the shower to shut it off. I could grab the shower door handle to get up, very awkward. Lucky the door didn’t come loose. Because I am right handed, I got out on the opposite side of the shower, because my left arm could balance me on the shower door if necessary. Then I couldn’t get the towel to dry off. When I finally turned around- it’s a small space- I only had one hand and I had to sit again. What if I fell over and gave myself a concussion? I forgot I might need another towel for my ass on the toilet. Duh. I slithered just a tad caught myself and sat on the drying towel. Then I couldn’t reach the rest of me. So, when I am not dripping finally, I am on the floor- can’t simulate a wheelchair experience and the umbrella stroller won’t hold me….and I low crawl to the stool in my room. I can do this because it’s low. Clothes are laid outon the floor because the bed is too high and I still don’t have a wheel chair. The lotion part is easier…The undies stick to my legs as I do the one-handed,’ SOB, this is hard!” exclamation pull. Same for my sweats…and I got a wedgie. The bra…not so much. I couldn’t grab the clasp thingy. I put it on the floor and held it still with my “good leg” and got the clasp done to the loosest setting. The hard part was pulling it down to fit over the mammaries. They are 38D. Seriously…I wasn’t so sure this would work. Then, I remember my Gram. She used her good arm to pull it all the way down to her tummy and then up- shoving one boob at a time into the bullet holder- yeah, her bras made her boobs look like bullets. God love her. It worked and her knockers were bigger than mine. So instead of getting it on over my head, I pull it up from my legs. Not so bad about 7 tugs. It was twisted, and I had to fix that. I was sweating. The shirt was a piece of cake in comparison.
    Sigh. So, no zipper, no sports bra, but hard all the same. It made me glad that I had children because at that point, dignity didn’t matter. Who gives a shit about the fat rolls, the unwaxed bikini area….

    Just get me fucking dressed!! And if it was my husband, hopefully if he couldn’t get me fucking dressed he could at least…Well, you know!

    I felt your pain…just a little…normal shower time 12 MINUTES. Challenged shower time- 36 minutes. But I still had more physical use than you, Anissa. I don’t know how my Gram did it, but you can and you will, eventually.

  3. Mary @ Holy Mackerel May 22, 2010 at 11:13 AM #

    We take so much for granted. We all do. I think it’s because thinking about what “could” happen is so scary that we purposely (and subconsciously) bar it from our conscious minds.

    Privacy is something I take for granted, as is showering. I will never take either for granted again.
    .-= Mary @ Holy Mackerel´s last blog ..Today’s post is full of frustration. Enjoy! =-.

  4. Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] May 21, 2010 at 2:29 PM #

    I’m so mad at those strokes for you.
    .-= Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]´s last blog ..Edna =-.

  5. Jessica May 21, 2010 at 2:19 PM #

    I have learned so much from you about what my mom has gone through (and is still going through.) It has made me better at supporting her. You may not be able to shower alone or look in a mirror and think “a little mascara and cover up is all I need to make me HAWWWTT” but you are one hell of a writer with some really compelling content. And you make me cry. and laugh.

  6. Barnmaven May 21, 2010 at 1:52 PM #

    I don’t know if you could hear the big sigh I just heaved, but there you go. Nothing I could write now seems to fit the bill. I could not imagine how crazy it would make me to go through what you seem to be handling with a great deal of levity and pragmatism.
    .-= Barnmaven´s last blog ..Baby Pictures =-.

  7. Miss Grace May 21, 2010 at 12:10 PM #

    Oh honey. My showers are my ONLY alone time. I know. I love you.
    .-= Miss Grace´s last blog ..Rio del Mar Beach Day =-.

  8. Overflowing Brain May 21, 2010 at 11:44 AM #

    Oh man. It seems like every day I read I realize how much stronger you are than I will ever hope to be. You may not see it, but all the things you write about show it to us every day.

    And hey, some baths and showers with other people are fun. :)

  9. kristie May 21, 2010 at 11:01 AM #

    Frustrating? Yes. But you’ve come a long way from sponge baths in the hospital, baby!

    The closest I can compare this to makes me mostly just sound like an asshole, but whatever: When I was in college, I decided to get my boobies…ahem…enhanced. After I got home from the hospital, I couldn’t shower myself for 2 weeks because I couldn’t lift my arms. Being unable to wash my own hair was mortifying, as was having black Sharpie markings all over my jugs that hadn’t washed off yet.

    That was only for 2 weeks, and it was my own damned fault for being a vain teenager, but I still remember the suckitude.

    You’ll get those other limbs back soon– I know it.
    .-= kristie´s last blog ..Advanced Marketing =-.

  10. Melissa May 21, 2010 at 10:58 AM #

    I have MS (and almost died from a pulmonary embolism in 08) and there have been times over the last two years that I couldn’t see, couldn’t move a limb (going through that with my left leg right now) and other yucky stuff. It is awful to have to have help- demoralizing is the only word I know to use.
    But, and it is a big but, we are still here for those moments with our kids, our husbands and our friends. I try to keep that in mind when humiliation starts to creep up on me when I need *gasp* my mother-in-law’s help in the shower.
    And it makes me even more thankful for the times that I can take a shower by myself…even if it involves a shower chair, grab bar and loofah on a stick ;) Hang in there!!!
    .-= Melissa´s last blog ..What is a friend? =-.

  11. Rita Arens May 21, 2010 at 10:23 AM #

    No words. Just here.
    .-= Rita Arens´s last blog ..At Least She’s Got Her Priorities Straight =-.

  12. toywithme May 21, 2010 at 10:20 AM #

    I never realized how I under value such important things as privacy until you pointed it out. Incredible, after all you have been through and yet you are teaching me. Thank you.

    You can do this! One naked twister hopping freaking shower at a time.
    .-= toywithme´s last blog ..A Tattoo On Your Penis? WTF? =-.

  13. Amanda May 21, 2010 at 10:14 AM #

    Damn. Everything I can think to write seems trite. Can I just say it’s a good thing you’re so hot?
    .-= Amanda´s last blog ..Angles of guile =-.

  14. Kristin May 21, 2010 at 9:32 AM #

    Oh hon, I can’t even imagine. {{{Hugs}}}
    .-= Kristin´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday: Decayed Beauty =-.

  15. Michelle May 21, 2010 at 9:25 AM #

    I can’t even imagine. *HUGS*
    .-= Michelle´s last blog ..♥Pour Your Heart Out – Abusers Never Change. =-.

  16. Steph May 21, 2010 at 9:22 AM #

    Oh, I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine. I wish I could come help you. I promise I wouldn’t look. But let’s face it, if I had free wishes I would wish you all better again.

    .-= Steph´s last blog ..Cloud shapes =-.

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