things that stink about having a stroke, really REALLY stink

Back before I had the stroke, I was a very busy blogger.

I always had someone to meet, a company to rep, a product to try.

Dude, I was busy.

I also wrote my blog that I loved, I wrote the blog that I dreamed about (and it came true),  and these were just a few of the hundred jobs I felt I had.

Did I mention that I had a husband…..not to ever forget the three kids.

Then I had the stroke that changed everything.

And I had to learn to say no.

I had to learn to turn opportunities down.

I had to get past the idea that companies would forget I existed.

And I did it like a champ.

I turned down offers to speak at things because I really couldn’t yet.

There were thing that we’d really like to have, but I’m not able to do what they’re asking yet.

I just wasn’t well enough yet.

It was all ok.

Then came an offer that seemed to pinpoint all the things most wrong with me.  It felt like it made everything worse.  Turning it down felt like complete failure.

It was the first time a job offer made me cry.

I wanted to be ok again,  I wanted for this all to have not happened.

I wanted to be normal again.

Usually there are smiles and lots of laughter but sometimes days are like this.

Then i will wipe the tears away and get back to work.

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52 Responses to things that stink about having a stroke, really REALLY stink

  1. Barbara May 14, 2010 at 4:47 PM #

    We don’t know each other, but I feel close to you, because I’ve been in a similar place. I had a closed-head injury and not a stroke, and it was a life-changing, difficult time in my life. I recovered. I can work. I can write. I can do things I wasn’t sure I would ever do again.

    You will, too. And, when you get there, it will be amazing. You will look back and see all the wonderful things that happened along the way. The journey will make the destination more sweet. Your life will be richer than you can imagine.
    .-= Barbara´s last blog ..10 Twitterisms We Wish Everyone Would Stop Using =-.

  2. Monica Brady May 10, 2010 at 8:59 AM #

    I really can’t say too much more. You are an inspiration to so many people… including me! Don’t ever feel bad about saying “no”. I’m more than sure they understand and you know what… more opportunities will come… because you are AMAZING…
    .-= Monica Brady´s last blog ..Winner: Michael Angelo’s Busiest Mom Giveaway =-.

  3. yogagalnw May 7, 2010 at 1:33 AM #

    Can we recap? You are blogging regularly and compellingly after a massive stroke, you are super mom to your kids after a massive stroke, you are wife queen after a massive stroke, you rock the world of literally thousands of people with your words and inspiration. You have SUCH big things ahead of you. Be a diva and turn down the work that is here right now because the really good stuff is just around the corner. Just don’t say no to Oprah… never say no to the “O”.

    I don’t know you but I do know that you will laugh about this post in the future because such huge opportunities are waiting just around the bend for you. I know this because insignificant people like me want to know what Anissa has to say today and every day. I can’t get enough of you.

    So feel some grief but then get over it, because lady you are AMAZING!!!!

    p.s. I’ve lost two breasts, a lung, both ovaries, a uterus, and my appendix to disease and cancer.. I’m basically a talking thumb nowadays but oh my, what that little thumb has to say…

  4. David Griner May 6, 2010 at 2:40 PM #

    For someone as strong-willed as you, it’s never easy to admit that you’re not ready to tackle a new challenge head-on. But I have no doubt that you’ll reap the benefits 1,000-fold in the years to come. I’m glad to hear you’re taking care of yourself first, even if it sucks in the short term.
    .-= David Griner´s last blog ..Will the next generation ever use a keyboard? =-.

  5. DE Heather May 6, 2010 at 2:11 PM #

    (((hugs)))) you are a phenomenal lady that I am happy to call friend.
    .-= DE Heather´s last blog ..Next time I am going to ask for more people to toss money in my general direction =-.

  6. Jessica May 6, 2010 at 2:09 PM #

    As James Garner said:

    “If you want to have fun, don’t have a stroke.”

    Your impatience is a big part of the fire to your recovery. The fact that you have an appetite for more – more life/work/adventure – will carry you miles past any outcome any of us can predict. I’m just glad you’re stuck updating your blog every day and not out working a dream job. Because for just a little while I get you all to myself. :-) Selfish I know.

  7. maggie, dammit May 6, 2010 at 1:07 PM #

    You are not “less than” today, you are just different. Actually, in many ways, you’re more.

    I love you so.

    .-= maggie, dammit´s last blog ..Connection =-.

  8. threeundertwo May 6, 2010 at 11:45 AM #

    I can’t say anything more profound or wiser than any of the previous commenters. I just want to say that I do understand. I’m facing challenges myself right now and I just live with the knowledge that my kids rock and the universe has already given me so much. It will all come back again, and more. It’s okay to cry. Bad times don’t last forever.
    .-= threeundertwo´s last blog ..We Can Build Her Better! Stronger! Faster! =-.

  9. Angella May 6, 2010 at 10:48 AM #

    Oh, sweetie. This is me sending you a monster-sized hug. xoxo
    .-= Angella´s last blog ..On Having A Daughter =-.

  10. Katherine May 6, 2010 at 10:48 AM #

    We are waiting for you – no rush, chica :) We all love you and just want you to be well!
    .-= Katherine´s last blog ..Walk the Catwalk =-.

  11. Hockeymandad May 6, 2010 at 9:31 AM #

    I’m sorry you had to reject something that affected you so deeply. However, you will never see that well of opportunity dry up for you. People who work as hard as you do never have a dry spell in opportunity. Keep up the great work. We’ll always be by your side.
    .-= Hockeymandad´s last blog ..May the fourth be with you =-.

  12. Karen May 6, 2010 at 9:31 AM #

    I don’t know that anyone can forget about you. You just keep getting awesomer and awesomer. Keep up the fight woman! :D
    .-= Karen ´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday – May 5, 2010 =-.

  13. A'lis Richardson May 6, 2010 at 9:01 AM #

    Stay strong Anissa. You will be able to “YES” again to anything you want in time.

  14. Susan (5 Minutes for Mom) May 6, 2010 at 3:57 AM #

    Oh girl, we love you and we’ll NEVER forget you.

    You’re so amazing and you’re showing the world how to really work it. You’re my hero!!!
    .-= Susan (5 Minutes for Mom)´s last blog ..Remembering My Mom on Mother’s Day =-.

  15. Melissa Dinwiddie May 6, 2010 at 3:36 AM #

    Aw, sh*t. Just know that people you’ve never met are thinking of you with love. And yes, something good will come…
    .-= Melissa Dinwiddie´s last blog ..Fear, trust and baby steps (the perfect headstand not required) =-.

  16. Marla @DvinMsM May 6, 2010 at 3:02 AM #

    I have been off the grid for a while and you don’t “know” me but I have been following your “challenge” through the Bloggess and I am so thrilled that you have made it so far in your journey to recovery.

    Please be patient, kind and gentle with yourself and know that we all are pulling and praying for your full recovery.


  17. nita May 6, 2010 at 2:17 AM #

    Your readers aren’t going anywhere, and you attracted a lot of newbies while you were gone. The opportunities will still be there when you’re well because your readers are faithful.

  18. adrienne May 6, 2010 at 1:22 AM #

    Your most important job is to be well and strong.. for those kids, for that husband and most importantly for YOU and the awesome future that awaits. You have only just begun.. and the BEST is yet to come. All support and our deepest gratatitude that we have you here.. by our side.

  19. Jessica (@kikarose) May 6, 2010 at 12:38 AM #

    Aw, honey. The important people won’t forget about you. Another good job offer will come along. Other opportunities will arise, better ones. I promise.

    You have a job now. A great one. You have to heal and keep inspiring all of us with your amazing wit, grace, and resilience.

    Hang in there. Today sucks, but tomorrow will shine again.
    .-= Jessica (@kikarose)´s last blog ..Filled with song. Loud song. =-.

  20. amy May 6, 2010 at 12:31 AM #

    Good for you. Because all you can do, any of us, is our BEST.

    The internet can wait. The internet will love to hear how you suffered, struggled and overcame :) Which is how I feel when I come to your blog now. Keep fighting the good fight and the rest will come dear Anissa.

  21. Traci May 5, 2010 at 11:52 PM #

    The mere fact that you are blogging about your recovery is huge. I have never read anything like it before. You are sharing an experience through good days and not so good days with everyone. I can’t even imagine what it would be like to be you right now, but I am amazed and in awe of you every time I read what you write. Maybe these job opportunities are just not the path that is meant for you right now. One day at a time. I think you are making your own path and we are all following along with you :)
    Love you girl, keep your head up!

  22. Danielle May 5, 2010 at 11:25 PM #

    We will wait. The blogging world will wait. Your friends will wait. And love you all the while. Hate that this brought you to tears. We aren’t going anywhere and the opportunities will come again. I know it.

    Sending a bizillion hugs your way.

  23. pgoodness May 5, 2010 at 11:21 PM #

    So many other things will come your way – you are ANISSA, dammit! :) No one could ever forget you, my friend!
    .-= pgoodness´s last blog ..Make a wish =-.

  24. ThePeachy1 May 5, 2010 at 11:09 PM #

    No one, can ever put Anissa and failure in the same sentence.. that is the first rule of fight club..

  25. Angi May 5, 2010 at 11:01 PM #

    I don’t know if you know this, but you’re kind of a big deal around here. And some things just have to be taken one day at a time. When you’re ready, another, better more perfect opportunity will come along.
    .-= Angi´s last blog ..My Own Personal Goat Rodeo =-.

  26. Lex (@laprimera) May 5, 2010 at 10:59 PM #

    Aw, that does stink! But you? RAWK! Sending you a big giant squishy booby hug.
    .-= Lex (@laprimera)´s last blog ..He’s my friend =-.

  27. Chrystal May 5, 2010 at 10:56 PM #

    I never knew you until I saw Twitter flooded with #prayforanissa. Look at this strong, awesome new woman you get to be. I think you’re great, and I’m so glad to know you.
    .-= Chrystal´s last blog ..As Puberty Approacheth =-.

  28. f*ckyeahmotherhood! May 5, 2010 at 10:55 PM #

    “You get knocked down, you get up again, they’re never gonna keep you down.”

    HEAR the Chumbawamba, FEEL the Chumbawamba, BE the Chumbawamba.

    You are loved, kitten. Also, did you know it wasn’t “Cumbawumba”? Me, neither. Huh.

  29. Laurin May 5, 2010 at 10:55 PM #

    I know for sure the world will meet you on your time line. Whenever you’re ready.
    .-= Laurin´s last blog ..I Think I’m Grown =-.

  30. Mikeporterinmd May 5, 2010 at 10:55 PM #

    You will get used to some of these issues after a while. But, I’ve found other opportunities open up; you’ll meet people you would have never met before, and possibly be able to help or inspire them. The other thing I want to suggest is to get help when you need it.

    For instance, we still run a boat during the summer. I used to do all the work on it myself. But, these days it take me 10 minutes to get out of the boat, fetch a tool, and get back on. The time really gets to me. So, I practically demand that my wife be outside with me when I doing certain tasks. It’s a little thing, but it helps a lot if I do not have to gopher all my stuff. Helps to plan ahead a little to not piss her off, though :-)

    (Recovering from Transverse Myelitis since 2001 – TM is sort of like a stroke in the spine. Well, not really. Same effect. Body doesn’t work right anymore.)

    .-= Mikeporterinmd´s last blog ..Stereotypes =-.

  31. juliejulie May 5, 2010 at 10:49 PM #

    I only got to know you during and after the stroke, by reading what your husband wrote. Seems to me you’re pretty incredible now, and I have no preconceived notions about what you can or can’t do – seems to me you’re a bit of a miracle, actually. How can you ever be ready to live past a miracle?

  32. Dirty Dishtowels May 5, 2010 at 10:48 PM #

    Hang in there. Things have a way of working out.

  33. Allison @ Alli 'n Son May 5, 2010 at 10:45 PM #

    Your post broke my heart. You have made such huge progress so far. You are an inspiration! I hope that you have happier days ahead, and that these sad days are few and far between.
    .-= Allison @ Alli ‘n Son´s last blog ..Nobody’s Home =-.

  34. Dawn May 5, 2010 at 10:24 PM #

    Alright darling, YOU waited for them to come in the beginning. Let the bastards wait on you for once. They will be there. All your friends on the internet will make sure of that. Namaste.
    .-= Dawn´s last blog ..Blonde Bombshell =-.

  35. All Adither May 5, 2010 at 10:20 PM #

    Do you know how big you are? You’ll never be forgotten. Hang in. Sending you big blogging hugs.
    .-= All Adither´s last blog ..Scarlet =-.

  36. Kathy May 5, 2010 at 10:18 PM #

    We don’t know each other, but I came across your blog right after you had your stroke and your husband was posting your updates. I think of those first posts, where everything was so uncertain, and am in awe at how far you have come since his initial post.

    I don’t really have any advice except to hang in there, even when the “new normal” sucks. People you don’t even know are sending prayers and good vibes your way every day.

  37. Jenny, Bloggess May 5, 2010 at 10:17 PM #

    The world will wait. We’re here and we’re not going anywhere. Same thing goes with opportunities. If you turn down one it just opens up room for another one further down the road. Trust me on this one. The world will be ready for you when you’re ready for it.

    Love to you.

  38. Maya May 5, 2010 at 10:13 PM #

    Anissa- you are brave and strong and loved. You are allowed to be sad and mad. You are allowed to be pissed off. You are one amazing woman and you are not forgotten. we all are here and we always will be. one day at a time my sweet friend.

  39. Brittany May 5, 2010 at 10:02 PM #

    Anissa you will not be forgotten babe. You may not be able to do everything that you want to right now but you have come so far. You are back with your family again, you are writing, you are making people laugh and cry, You are awesome. All things will come with time. And I am with Hollee, it’s totally okay to say that things suck sometimes and to be upset that things did not go as you planned. I too am thinking of you, not forgetting you and hoping you can find a smile knowing so many people love you!
    .-= Brittany´s last blog ..Will Pre-Schoolers Love Disney? Yes! =-.

  40. Rebecca May 5, 2010 at 9:55 PM #

    I am just so absolutely stoked to see you blogging again. Time and bucket loads of sweat and you’ll get there.
    .-= Rebecca´s last blog ..Free Rides =-.

  41. Jamie May 5, 2010 at 9:49 PM #

    You are brave & strong and are such an inspiration to me and so many others.

    Take care of you -the opportunities will keep coming and the perfect ones will be there when you are ready.

    Thoughts & prayers.
    .-= Jamie ´s last blog ..Momma say what? =-.

  42. tricia May 5, 2010 at 9:46 PM #

    I am so sorry fo all that you have lost. I cannot even imagine the ache in your heart. Grieve. It’s OK. We will be here through it all. May God bless you and give you strength to face each challenge. I am praying for you, for every moment that you walk through this and for your eventual healing.
    .-= tricia´s last blog ..Think On These Things =-.

  43. Aunt Becky May 5, 2010 at 9:45 PM #

    You will get it all and more. Love to you.
    .-= Aunt Becky´s last blog ..Tripping Down Wisteria Lane (et. all) =-.

  44. Bridget May 5, 2010 at 9:43 PM #

    I had something witty to say, but when I typed it out I was worried it couldn’t come across that way. Know that I think of you everyday, but send up extra prayers on days like today.
    .-= Bridget´s last blog ..So you want a successful blog? =-.

  45. TravelMom May 5, 2010 at 9:41 PM #

    I’ve always learned that when the perfect opportunity comes into view and you aren’t able to act on it, there is always a better one on the horizon. Yes, you will feel sad, and you will feel hopeless. But then when the next one comes along, it will feel right again.

    I know it’s just words but I’m praying that the next right thing for you comes along soon :-)
    .-= TravelMom´s last blog ..Letter to a Motha =-.

  46. Kristin May 5, 2010 at 9:23 PM #

    Oh honey, you are doing an amazing job. I am impressed beyond belief with how far you’ve come. I can only imagine how hard it must be to not be able to do everything you are use to doing.
    .-= Kristin´s last blog ..A Call To Arms =-.

  47. Connie May 5, 2010 at 9:17 PM #

    Oh honey– you are doing so much better and getting so much stronger. Opportunities will continue to come when you are stronger. You are so strong and you guys have so much going for you. I am in awe!

  48. knock_out May 5, 2010 at 8:57 PM #


  49. Jill May 5, 2010 at 8:54 PM #

    Big hugs to you mama!! I can’t imagine how hard this must be, on so many levels. You have the support of the whole entire internets, tho, I’d that makes you feel any better! xoxo

  50. Grumble Girl May 5, 2010 at 8:53 PM #

    “You have to admit it’s getting better… it’s getting better.. all the time…”

    That is all. Hang in there, kitteh. You can do it all – when you’re ready. xox

  51. Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] May 5, 2010 at 8:48 PM #

    SO many good things will come.

    At least that’s what I keep telling myself.

  52. Hollee May 5, 2010 at 8:46 PM #

    That does really stink. Know that there are so many people who follow you and are inspired by you. You have come so far, but it’s OK to feel bad when things don’t go the way you had planned. My $.02, take it or leave it — of course! Thinking of you tonight.
    .-= Hollee´s last blog ..Staying Sane: Tips from a Hardworking Mom of Four =-.

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