i used to wish my husband was an Elvis impersonator, now i wish he drove a bus (although, sometimes i still wish for the impersonator)

Days go by.

I don’t leave the house like I should.

I’m hiding inside my walls.

I force myself to go out.  I’m always thankful for it.  In fact, I feel better and I get more accomplished and I want to DO more.  More than I have the last few days.

When all I want to do is sleep.  I wish I could just curl up in my blankets and for a little while it would all go away.

There are lots of reasons to stay inside.

There are twice as many to go outside.

I have to go.

I can feel eyes on me.  I see the sympathetic smiles.  I sense the curious glances.

I roll on by.

Keep going.

No matter how far I try to get away, how fast I can escape the moments that are happening….

….this is still going on.

When everything is at it’s weakest, those are the moments you have to fight the hardest.

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12 Responses to i used to wish my husband was an Elvis impersonator, now i wish he drove a bus (although, sometimes i still wish for the impersonator)

  1. domestic extraordinaire June 24, 2010 at 6:04 PM #

    Lady you rock so much and if there are days that you want to curl up and sleep its okay, as long as you get back out there again.

    xo

    Miss you lots!!
    .-= domestic extraordinaire´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday-Shots Through A Chainlink Fence Edition =-.

  2. Jessica June 24, 2010 at 3:16 PM #

    My husband IS an Elvis impersonator. Want me to send him over?

    I’m with Jenny – and all your other readers I bet – I want desperately to single handed haul the damaged and healing pieces of your brain right into the world of healthy. I want you to be ok. I want you dancing and writing and singing and moving mountains. And if I want it, I can only imagine how much you hunger for it. To quote James Garner (who had a stroke btw) – “If you want to have fun don’t have a stroke.”

  3. toywithme June 24, 2010 at 1:50 PM #

    Tough love is hardest when we have to use it on ourselves. Don’t think, just do!
    .-= toywithme´s last blog ..How To Get Laid Using Craigslist =-.

  4. Cort June 24, 2010 at 7:57 AM #

    The hardest part is committing to leaving the cave. Make plans and get out! You can do it!
    .-= Cort´s last blog ..I are food – most of the time. =-.

  5. janice June 24, 2010 at 1:01 AM #

    Anissa, people look, or smile sympathetically, or are curious because they (we) all can kind of imagine how hard it must be for you. And they (we) would like to help if we can. Receiving the love and caring from other people can be SO sustaining, so supportive. (I know you know that, but you’re forgetting that when you’re feeling self-conscious.) And being able to give love and caring is a gift to those offering it–even just a smile that’s returned. When we smile—or smile back–at someone, it begins a “virtuous cycle” of kindness that, I believe, holds up the world–and certainly holds us up when we’re suffering and scared.

  6. Traci June 23, 2010 at 11:17 PM #

    I get like that too actually. Sometimes I have to force myself to leave the house and I feel better too. I’m glad your working through this. It is understandable to fall into a funk, everyone does. The fact that you realize it and work through just shows how strong you can be. Keep keeping on sister, it may seem like it is taking forever but from outside looking in it is amazing seeing and hearing the things you do <3

  7. Jenny June 23, 2010 at 10:07 PM #

    My husband can drive a bus. In fact, that used to be his full-time job. He still has the licenses and everything. You can borrow him for the afternoon if you like. He’s used to dealing with wheelchairs on buses.

    P.S. Everyone is all “you’re a hero” and “hang in there” which makes me feel like kind of a douche when I leave a real comment, but then I cling to the hope that maybe I might make you laugh with my randomness.

  8. Kristin June 23, 2010 at 8:48 PM #

    Sweetie, god knows you have reason but it sounds like you are a bit depressed. I wish I could help. {{{Hugs}}}
    .-= Kristin´s last blog ..A One-Two Punch =-.

  9. Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] June 23, 2010 at 5:21 PM #

    you are SO loved.

    you have an ARMY of people behind you.
    .-= Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]´s last blog ..MY Piper. And NOT Avitable’s sack. =-.

  10. The Lass June 23, 2010 at 4:28 PM #

    I wish I knew the right words. In lieu of that, I want to leave you big hugs!

  11. Melisa with one S June 23, 2010 at 4:02 PM #

    Keep fighting!!! xo
    .-= Melisa with one S´s last blog ..Couch To 5K Update: ’80s (Leg) Explosion =-.

  12. Amanda June 23, 2010 at 2:51 PM #

    Wish I could do it for you. You. Are. Amazing.
    .-= Amanda´s last blog ..Points =-.

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