It has been a little over four months since I came home from the hospital. Sometimes it feels like I’ve made such great progress in those months, and sometime I wonder why I’m not farther towards the end goal than I am.
I mean, when I left the hospital I was freaked out by the speed of the vehicles next to us. I was afraid to use the phone. Everything seemed to be a hurdle that I had to overcome.
All these days later I’m not freaked out by cars anymore, I’m not afraid of technology, but everything is still a hurdle to be overcome.
I have a sense of do-it-myself-ness. It takes longer. It can frustrate. The little accomplishments make me feel proud when there’s something new I can do.
Monopoly with the kids.
Getting service on a cell phone…that involves telling a stranger to be patient with my hearing problems…on the phone.
Using door ramps.
Buying shoes for the first time.
I can do these thing.
They seem like nothing compared to what I used to be able to do. That is more issue than I can even tell you about. Not only did I used to do those things with no problem, but I would still have most of the day to fill.
I have to be ok with what I can do now.
I have to accept that the person I was isn’t the person I will be ever again.
This person is more determined and driven. This person is handicapped and not as whole as I once was. This person is sure that with time and more hard work everything can be changed for the better.
This person is who I am now and the best I’ve got to work with.