have you realized how long i’ve been home? i didn’t, heh

It has been a little over four months since I came home from the hospital.  Sometimes it feels like I’ve made such great progress in those months, and sometime I wonder why I’m not farther towards the end goal than I am.

I mean, when I left the hospital I was freaked out by the speed of the vehicles next to us.  I was afraid to use the phone.  Everything seemed to be a hurdle that I had to overcome.

All these days later I’m not freaked out by cars anymore, I’m not afraid of technology, but everything is still a hurdle to be overcome.

I have a sense of do-it-myself-ness.  It takes longer.  It can frustrate.  The little accomplishments make me feel proud when there’s something new I can do.

Monopoly with the kids.

Planning meals.

Getting service on a cell phone…that involves telling a stranger to be patient with my hearing problems…on the phone.

Using door ramps.

Buying shoes for the first time.

I can do these thing.

They seem like nothing compared to what I used to be able to do.   That is more issue than I can even tell you about.  Not only did I used to do those things with no problem, but I would still have most of the day to fill.

I have to be ok with what I can do now.

I have to accept that the person I was isn’t the person I will be ever again.

This person is more determined and driven.  This person is handicapped and not as whole as I once was.  This person is sure that with time and more hard work everything can be changed for the better.

This person is who I am now and the best I’ve got to work with.

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16 Responses to have you realized how long i’ve been home? i didn’t, heh

  1. Jenny July 5, 2010 at 4:43 PM #

    This person is SO whole! Didn’t elementary school teach you anything? It’s the inside that counts, Anissa.

  2. Wendy July 5, 2010 at 9:10 AM #

    effin awesome. seriously.

  3. Elizabeth Kaylene July 4, 2010 at 2:32 PM #

    When I was dealing with my brand spanking new autoimmune disease, I felt similarly. I wasn’t the same with all of my new limitations, and even in remission, I’m a completely different person now.

    You amaze me, Anissa. Keep fighting and keep going. You’ve come a long way and will continue to accomplish things you didn’t think you could.
    .-= Elizabeth Kaylene´s last blog ..Can’t we stand united for at least one day =-.

  4. Luci Keeler July 4, 2010 at 12:43 PM #

    You are doing great! I’ve had just a “smidge” of that feeling when having surgery on my arm. I had to learn to do everything left handed while my right was healing. I realized how much I took for granted! I look forward to your posts. They remind me to be thankful for things I take for granted. I read in them your strength and determination. You are awesome!

  5. Susie July 4, 2010 at 1:48 AM #

    Thanks for the reminder, Anissa. We ALL have to be ok with who we are in different times of our lives. Here’s one of my favorite quotes–either for other people or ourselves.
    “Resolve to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant with the weak and the wrong. Sometimes in life you will have been all of these. -Bob Goodard.
    Keep rockin’ on, Anissa! We’re all rooting for you ~

  6. Kristin July 3, 2010 at 10:23 PM #

    You’ve come a long way baby!
    .-= Kristin´s last blog ..Check out my newest review =-.

  7. Mir_B July 3, 2010 at 6:15 PM #

    You are splendid. Keep on.

  8. Colleen July 3, 2010 at 4:56 PM #

    We are all imperfect, all of us. Perfect is a relative term, I would rather have my imperfect over someone else’s perfect. I have a son with autism, but he is perfect. He is kind, thoughtful, sweet, helpful, has never done drugs and charms everyone he meets. I have friends with sons that have wrecked cars, struggled with alcohol and drugs and almost flunked out of high school. From where I stand, my son is perfect. I would rather have you as a friend than some people I know. You. Are. Perfect. Please remember that, it’s the second time I have had to tell you :)

  9. jules July 3, 2010 at 4:47 PM #

    BEAUTIFULLY written. I’m glad to see you’ve come so far. I’ve been a stalker from afar, wishing you well and you’re inspiring!! I wish you more love and success!
    .-= jules´s last blog ..You’re ALL Winners to Me- =-.

  10. domestic extraordinaire July 3, 2010 at 4:12 PM #

    Girlie, when you navigated us around downtown Atlanta with ease (and everywhere else for that matter) you totally blew my mind and I know that in time you will be able to do what it is that you want to do because you are Anissa Mayhew and she is determined and stubborn, just the way we like her.

    Miss you guys!! xo
    .-= domestic extraordinaire´s last blog ..Flashback Friday-The Amish Country Edition =-.

  11. Emily July 3, 2010 at 4:05 PM #

    You are amazing just as you are!

  12. buffi July 3, 2010 at 3:34 PM #

    The person you ARE is one of my biggest heroes and a source of encouragement for me every day. The person you are is amazing and strong and wonderful. You rock!

  13. AJ July 3, 2010 at 1:22 PM #

    This person that you are is truly amazing!

  14. lettergirl July 3, 2010 at 1:12 PM #

    I think letting go of the “used to” is the hardest part of change. Reading this, I’m thinking about this in my own struggles with losing weight and realizing something. I get so mad that I’m not the size I used to be that I can’t be happy with the progress I make, and I give up. You’ve really given me an insight with this.
    .-= lettergirl´s last blog ..Chocolate Cake -gt X =-.

  15. Mandi Bone July 3, 2010 at 11:54 AM #

    You will get to where you want to be. I was where you are right now four years ago. It will never be they way it used to be but you are here that is the most important thing.
    .-= Mandi Bone´s last blog ..Lost Tooth =-.

  16. Elsa July 3, 2010 at 11:35 AM #

    and this person that you are, inspires a lot of us

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