I’ve been very lucky that I’m well enough to take a few of the offers to speak that I’ve/we’ve been offered. But there has also been an alarming amount of speaking gigs that have been, “WHO??
There has been a feeling of being offered things JUST because I’m the flavor of the month. I’m this month’s handicap. I think that people would like to see what has happened to me.
How much I’ve changed.
Ok, that is crazy-ego-centric.
I realize that.
And maybe no one cares about the changes in my physicality.
But after the crazy media hoopla that went on around me while I was in the hospital, it’s hard to pretend that people in this internet world aren’t aware. Tens of thousands of people were checking to see how I was doing, if I was still alive or if I had finally kicked the bucket.
That bucket never got kicked.
Then in the days afterwards there was a hum of waiting and wondering.
I sure as heck don’t blame anyone. Everyone was told to expect the worst.
Little by little, you guys have been there as I fought to come back. First, it was cards. Then, it was encouragement by messages on the posts that my husband would write. Now it’s the little bits of miracle you chose to leave here in the form of comments and emails.
For every person who is true and honest in your push and your encouragement, there is one who wants something FROM me. Something I no longer have to give. Something I can’t identify.
But they want it.