another slice of the past you have to give up

It’s hard when I’m watching my friends make plans and I know I can’t go.  Not because of cost or convenience (although those are always issues) but because of what I can and can’t do.

I worry about about being the party pooper.  Being the one to one to ruin plans.  Or to bring worry where it’s not needed or wanted. The music’s too loud.  The lights are too dim.  I can’t enjoy things the way I used to.

My mind still does.

But my body doesn’t.

I want to celebrate.

I get happy too.

Sometimes this girl just wants to have fun.

And finds that fun doesn’t always want me.

There are times that to be a good friend I’ll just send flowers and stay home.

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13 Responses to another slice of the past you have to give up

  1. Bejewell August 17, 2010 at 11:50 AM #

    “PARTY POOER”?!?! The hell?!? Worst. Typo. Ever.

    Bejewell´s last post…I’m Pretty Sure a Giant- Genetically-Altered- Rodent-Like Cockroach is Going to Eat My Face Off at the Gym Today

  2. Bejewell August 17, 2010 at 11:49 AM #

    Take it from a professional party pooper — that whole “lights-too-dim-music-too-loud” thing is just because you’re getting OLD. Like me. And hey — beats the alternative.

    P.S. I can imagine you as a lot of things, but “party pooer” isn’t one of them.

  3. Lynn @ Walking With Scissors August 16, 2010 at 2:00 PM #

    Anissa, you just broke my heart with this post. I am one of those people who hadn’t met you before your stroke but I DID have the honour of meeting you at BlogHer this year and I’m so glad I did. You were so sweet to me and, judging by the amount of people I saw there who were clamoring to get a piece of you, I’d wager that people would move heaven and earth to bring the party to YOU. Because even though you have to enjoy yourself in different ways now, you’re still you and everyone knows it. Don’t ever let yourself feel like you’re the party pooper because from where I’m standing, you bring the party with you wherever you go.

    Lynn @ Walking With Scissors´s last post…I Am Changed- Part 2 Friday

  4. Twenty Four At Heart August 16, 2010 at 1:03 PM #

    One of the hardest things for me, these last four years, was giving up my past life and the past ME. Because of all the surgeries and pain, I’ve had to be on pain medication which means no drinking. Sadly, after a few months a lot of my “friends” stopped inviting me anywhere because I “couldn’t party” and I’m sure (since I was in so much pain) I was no fun. It devastated me. Not everyone reacted that way … and I have to say I really know who my REAL friends are now because they’ve stuck by my side for the full four years and show no indication of going anywhere.

    I think it’s normal and healthy to mourn the past … it may be the only way to (emotionally) move forward. The people who matter will be there for you. Also? An unexpected surprise … some amazing “new” people came into my life as a result of my car accident. Unexpected gems ….

    Twenty Four At Heart´s last post…And Then They Put Me In a Straitjacket

  5. Kristin August 16, 2010 at 12:45 PM #

    You a party pooper?!?!? NEVER Your body is just making you recognize things many people choose to ignore like the skull splitting volume of the music. I was so glad to get to meet you (however briefly) at BlogHer and I can guarantee your friends are just glad you are still around and would gladly pass up the music to be with you.

    Kristin´s last post…Perfect Moment Monday- a blast from the past

  6. domestic extraordinaire August 16, 2010 at 12:22 PM #

    one of the highlights of my BlogHer was sitting with you in your room chatting and eating cupcakes, laughing about what you wanted to do if one more person told you that you were inspirational.

    love you lady!

    domestic extraordinaire´s last post…The Universe Hates Me or Rather Hates that I am Online

  7. ThePeachy1 August 16, 2010 at 11:53 AM #

    I am a card carrying member of the PSUABQYRTL club ( that’s please shut up and be quite you R too loud) yes it’s true I can not even enjoy a meal if I am near the busing station because the constant crash makes me jump. I am like a cat on high alert even though I used to be the party girl. Don’t get me started on strobe lights I will just pass out in a pile of droll with my skirt over my head.

  8. Mrs4444 August 16, 2010 at 11:51 AM #

    Aww. Moosh is so sweet!! You have so much love in your life; what a blessing. I’m sorry your body can’t keep up with your spirit right now. Fortunately, your friends love you anyway :)

  9. Christy August 16, 2010 at 11:42 AM #

    So if everyone feels like the lights are too dim and the music is too loud, why is no one hosting a party for us with mellow music and brighter lights? I agree with Casey. I’d happily go somewhere quiet and bright to hang with you and I was delighted to get some time with you at BlogHer.

    Christy´s last post…Life Lessons from BlogHer

  10. Melissa August 16, 2010 at 10:50 AM #

    Dude, I echo, the music IS too loud. If I recall I was practically signing to you at the EZPZ party. So not just you.

  11. ilinap August 16, 2010 at 10:08 AM #

    Dude, I think the music is always too loud. Except for in my car when Abba is on the radio.

  12. moosh in indy. August 16, 2010 at 10:07 AM #

    You say the word and we bring a well lit, quiet party to you.

    In fact? That is a brilliant idea. Who’s with me?

    I for one was thrilled to see you, hear you, kiss the ever loving daylights out of you and watch you get groped just like old times.

    YOU are still in there. And that is so obvious.

    I don’t really care about the outside, because all the Anissa I need is inside.

    xx

  13. pgoodness August 16, 2010 at 10:05 AM #

    I imagine that your friends would NEVER feel like you ruin the plans or are a party pooper, you silly girl! (and for the record, the music IS too loud and the lights ARE too dim – it’s not just you!)

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