i could totally have had a V-8

Today I let someone hurt me.

In the same room as my husband, a room away from my kids.

I gritted my teeth and endured.

There were a lot of tears.

My hand that was good curled into a ball I didn’t realize until it was finally done.

And I thought about the things I could have been doing.

Walks I could have taken.

Games I could have played.

Things I could have done with no wheelchair.

Stuff that can be done with two hands.

Things I’m determined to do again.

If I was satisfied I wouldn’t put myself through this.

I wipe the tears.

I blow my nose.

I think of a future where all the pain is worthwhile.

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17 Responses to i could totally have had a V-8

  1. uthostage September 2, 2010 at 1:01 PM #

    I really wish the road to recovery wasn’t so hard for you. But I’m totally rooting for ya! You can do it!

    uthostage´s last post…Six Word Saturday

  2. Kelly August 23, 2010 at 7:46 AM #

    It’ll all be worth it. You’ll see. Keep up the good fight.

  3. Kristin August 22, 2010 at 2:51 AM #

    Pain frakking SUCKS but the end game makes it all worth it. Go Anissa Go!

    Kristin´s last post…Happy- Happy Joy- Joy its ICLW time!

  4. Maura August 22, 2010 at 2:07 AM #

    Your strength is so very admirable. Love you, lady. (((HUGS)))

    Maura´s last post…Words I Like

  5. Elle August 22, 2010 at 2:05 AM #

    You really are such an inspiration.

  6. Twenty Four At Heart August 22, 2010 at 1:45 AM #

    This post brought back some really horrible not-so-long-ago memories. I’m now seeing a pain management specialist and I really, really, wish he had come into my life sooner. I still have high pain levels, but (most of the time) I can manage it better now. I’m wondering if it would help you to see a doc specializing in pain? Even if you only need help getting through therapy and/or certain procedures? It might be worth looking into. I wish someone had told me sooner things didn’t have to be AS bad. None of my regular doctors seem to know how to manage the pain very well. My heart hurts for you. I understand (all too well) that some of the things that help us cause pain … I just so hope there’s a way to make it LESS painful for you. Do you know they even make lidocaine (non-narcotic) adhesive patches that can be put on? It’s beyond me why none of my docs ever gave them to me for PT or any of my other procedures. It would have helped SO much. You are very much in my thoughts! xo

    Twenty Four At Heart´s last post…People Dont Realize

    • Anissa Mayhew August 22, 2010 at 2:55 PM #

      I go see a special doc at therapy and im’, going to ask about those Lidocane patches. Thank you for the suggestion. If she can’t help me, maybe she can recommend someone for pain management.

      • Ashley Hast August 23, 2010 at 2:34 AM #

        I’ve had those lidocaine patches too. They *really* help in my case…with entirely screwed up back…..and I’m confident they could help you too. :)

        Ashley Hast´s last post…I once was blind- but now I see!

  7. Mrs Flinger August 22, 2010 at 1:18 AM #

    You have come through so much, this last bit is hard but it is not tougher than you are. Love ya lady.

    Mrs Flinger´s last post…What Twelve Thousand Dollars Of Chemistry Classes Will Buy You

    • Anissa Mayhew August 22, 2010 at 2:56 PM #

      i love you harder!

  8. LinMarie August 22, 2010 at 1:13 AM #

    You are strong! Keep fighting! It’s paying off day by day, even if it doesn’t feel like it! You are in my prayers!! xo :)

  9. DogsDontPurr August 22, 2010 at 12:54 AM #

    How do you feel about pain meds? I have a nerve disorder…./and long story short….when I have a small dose and/or sometimes consistent dose of a pain med such as percocet, I can work harder and longer. And this has been very beneficial to my recovery and regaining strength.

    I’m sorry if I’m suggesting something you already know or have tried. But if anything helps, we are all the better.

    • Anissa Mayhew August 22, 2010 at 2:58 PM #

      I was afraid anything narcotic because I’m on so many meds now. Bot someone told me about non-narcotic lidocane patches I’m willing to try.

      Thanks!

  10. mommabird2345 August 22, 2010 at 12:18 AM #

    You are amazingly strong & brave. *BIG HUGS*

  11. pgoodness August 22, 2010 at 12:04 AM #

    you are a rockstar. the pain part sucks, but you’ll get there!!

  12. nikki August 21, 2010 at 11:14 PM #

    Your fight and bravery make me want to be a better mother and wife. Oh how I bitch and moan about chores, driving the kids here and there plus everything else piled on my plate. Your fighting damn hard to get back all these things and for that You are a ROCK STAR! Big hugs from Alabama

    • Anissa Mayhew August 22, 2010 at 3:00 PM #

      II needed that hug. In fact, I go back and read because sometimes I need the hugs again and again,

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