Laying facedown on the gurney.
Carefully draped so the doctor could work with my hamstring.
Poke. Poke. Poke.
She touches where she’s going to put the medicine.
I try to relax.
I know it’s going to hurt.
A lot.
The nurse rubs my shoulder. That’s never a good sign.
The Botox we used last time didn’t work.
The Phenol waiting to be injected might.
“OK, take a deep breath, this is going to poke a little.”
I close my eyes. I try not to make a sound. I breathe deep and regular.
It doesn’t help much.
It hurts.
It agonizes.
It causes me such pain that there is no crying, I can barely breathe to weep.
They’re done.
They say things about how well I did.
Please leave.
They leave.
I’m alone.
I can breathe for a second.
I cry.
I hurt for you, I am sorry you have to go through this. I am happy you are alive. In a few short weeks, a year ago, I was at your bedside praying you would not die. It looked like you would. I hope this works, that it is worth all the agony you are going through.
LOVE,
Ang
Oh, honey. Wish I could have been there… to kick the nurses for you.
Coal Miner’s Granddaughter´s last post…Im Famous!
*HUGS*
If I could, I would kiss it and make it better. Although I’m not sure even that would help.
I have always said how much I admire women for their courage – for their ability to endure. The example that has always struck me most is the woman who, having already had a child – been through all of that – will actually, willingly, go back and do it again.
You are a WOMAN. In every true and admirable sense of the word.
And you are AMAZING.
lceel´s last post…A Tuesday Tale – Minnies Grave
Phenol. Injection. Hol-eee shit. Just the idea. Sheesh.
You’re tough, woman. Stay tough. Doing it anyway, hurting, crying, and doing it again if needed. That is TOUGH embodied.
(((hugs)))
You are so brave. I hope it works this time. *hugs*
uthostage´s last post…Wordless Wednesday – Halloween Memories 2010
I just want to hug you until it starts to get awkward and you’re all, “okay, you can stop hugging me now, crazy lady.” Then? I’ll hug some more. (((hugs!!!)))
Lynn @ Walking With Scissors´s last post…Absence…
I can’t say anything to make it better but I do feel badly, it’s not fair, it’s crap. Give ‘em hell.
You’re so brave, Anissa. Even when you probably don’t feel like it. <3
My visit to your blog today was prompted by your tweet, which said, in cap letters, “I WROTE THIS.” I’m so sorry you have to experience this incredible discomfort, I can’t even imagine all you have been through this year. But are you also celebrating a milestone in the activities that you are taking back as things to do without help? Did I catch that or did I miss something?
Oh, I’m so sorry it is so painful for you! (((HUGS))) I hope this one works for you! ♥
Ooooh, I’m so sorry—that sounds awful. Thinking of you and wishing it didn’t have to hurt.
Fairly Odd Mother´s last post…Wordless Wednesday- Leaping
One word: INSPIRATIONAL
*ducks*
Oh Anissa, I am so sorry it caused you so much pain.
Kristin´s last post…Wheres Mario when you need a plumber
Crap, I’m sorry that it hurt so much. Sure hope it WORKS this time so at least it may have been worth it…
SharonHeg´s last post…Getting My Wrist Slapped
awww big hugs ((((anissa)))) you know only the strong people know it’s okay to cry. you’re one of the strongest people i’ve ever seen. i hope this treatment brings help.
ciara´s last post…Dona Nobis Pacem 2010
Oh Anissa. (((HUGS)))
Tiffany´s last post…The mystery of the quotient
Much love, girl. You are as bad-ass as ever. xoxo
Melissa-Shrinking Jeans´s last post…Monster Mash
That you are suffering through this is horrible. How well you are enduring it is remarkable. And that you are sharing your experience through what can only be described as poetry — phenomenal! When you do compile this into a book, it will most certainly be a best seller.
Hugs, Anissa.
Heidi (@mybeadtherapy)
Hugs and love from afar.
amo´s last post…Preserving the Past- She Shot the Dog
Baby love… I can relate. One time I had to take Haven with me to one a Doc Visit. I was hopped up on a table, legs in the air while the doc was pulling and poking around in a region that only God knows about and my lil guy says ” MOM!!!!What are they doing to your FEET!!!!! What love a child brings
This just makes me so sad! I hope the treatment helped after that. You do have a wonderful writing style that reaches out and makes us feel like we’re right there with you.
That hurt to read. In numerous ways. And what Sisterlisa said. <3
There is something in your new style, something that is of course redolent of pain–but also of genius. What lasting connection can a stranger make with you over this non-shared experience? I don’t really know. But I feel somehow that I’m slightly more human as a result of having read this.
I’m so sorry, Anissa. :O( I can’t even begin to imagine..but know you are loved so deeply by so many.
Sisterlisa´s last post…Do You See What I Hear