Archive | 2010

sometimes there can be something that is something that something does something about….sometimes

Every now and then I can find inspiration from my own body.  It can do something that I truly wasn’t expecting. My limbs can be my greatest source of frustration.  I want to see progress where there can be little sometimes.  I have to be satisfied with little. Just for the record, “little” sometimes sucks. [...]

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what they don’t tell you in charm school: boogers can always open doors for you.

Some people might laugh at our ambitions.  They can seem like a lot, to say the least. Peter brought up the idea of a home makeover when i had the first stroke in 2005.  But it seemed silly. We thought about applying when we found out our daughter had cancer in 2006.  But I was [...]

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people were really nice to me. they treated me well. apparently i owe them money now.

I woke up just a few months ago. It was unclear and confusing, I didn’t realize my body didn’t work yet. But i loved the people coming to visit me.  Some, i don’t remember.  Some, I was too tired to see. Some, made me laugh. Some, memories faint but still memorable. They were the voices [...]

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you know how you feel when you’re happy? yeah, we’re trying to make more of that.

Doing the job of five, always multi-tasking, trying to find ways to be better. A better mom…a better wife…a better blogger…a better worker…a better boss…a better do-er…an overall better person. i tried so hard. i really thought there was a brass ring to attain. I thought I was so damn close. Would there have ever [...]

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when i am superman i can fly. and bake. and knit.

I’ve been reading what others wrote about me. People wrote some really nice stuff. They thought I was incredibly nice and inspiring.  They thought I was full of hopeful dreams and bright beliefs.  They thought I was sweet and loving. They were wrong. I rub body parts and demand nudity.  I believe there is no [...]

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people that help are so important. especially if they’re helping you do really hard stuff. like yoga. and making bread.

I’ve seen a lot of fun people.  People have come to help me ace rehab and learn to be a full person again. But they have each brought something different to the game. There’s been someone who puts her hand in my face and shoves. There’s been two someones full of good tales and gossip. [...]

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let’s talk about math, baby. and if you just sang along, we’ll know about it.

Sometimes I will feel something inside that cries. It wants for things to work better.  Harder.  Right. But I always pushed for more. I thought that I could be better.  And harder.  And right. And that was before the strokes. Back when the world was simple. So now the body doesn’t work quite right. My [...]

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sometimes i have dreams. but i’m not martin luther king, jr. not THOSE kinds of dreams.

I talked dreams with my husband last night.  The confusing and nonsensical dreams that filled my sleeping coma days. i remember them. Dreams of theater that can’t finish, of westerns that don’t die,  there are big glass rooms with music that never finish, and there was someone who was done and getting ready to leave [...]

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some things suck. some things suck beyond all human understanding and belief. this is one of those things.

I want it to be not fair.  I want people to feel bad for this body. I want for everyone to understand how much it sucks to have a functioning system, then to wake up with half not working. It sucks. It really does. But at least I have half. One arm is the price [...]

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i’m obviously handicapped. i should be pitied and given parking. that’s how it works, right?

So a lot of you are wondering what the stroke has done. And, I’m going to tell you. My whole right side is paralyzed….leg, arm, torso, so-forth. My face is numb….my jaw and lips have issues. I have crap eyes now and double vision. I have ear and hearing problems. That’s most of it. I’m [...]

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my kids used to think i snored. now they shake me awake for comas.

Things have changed since i woke up from the coma. in good ways – I managed to miss all of winter. in bad ways – I’ll  pay to see the new Twilight movie.  Oh,  I’ll pay. And in ways that break your heart into tiny little pieces – Peyton cried because mommy wasn’t all fixed [...]

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