nobody puts my kids in a corner

Yesterday Peter and I met with a pediatrician who told us that our kids seemed to have a lot of pent up emotions.

I’m going to let that one simmer for a second.

The kids who have dealt with their mom having a stroke.

Then their baby sister going through cancer treatment.

After which, mom decided that instead of ice cream she’ll have the stokes for dessert.

Then they have to adjust their whole lives to cope with a wheelchair.

Did I mention that we’d moved and ALL of their closest friends were no longer there to support them.

Are you rolling your eyes in amazement that these kids aren’t robbing 7-11′s

Cause I am.

Yeah, they are pigs and it takes an act of Congress to get the living room cleaned.

But these kids are amazing and still standing.

They have withstood things that crush most adults.

We can do this.

THIS?

Is the easy part.

Loving my kids regardless of everything else is what I was made to do.

The everything else?

Wish me luck.

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28 Responses to nobody puts my kids in a corner

  1. Catherine February 26, 2011 at 7:09 PM #

    ps. This also reminds me of when I was in Germany and saw a dubbed version of Dirty Dancing on TV: “Nieman schlict Baby in die ecke”. So, you go like Patrick Swayze and tell ‘em like it is!

  2. Catherine February 26, 2011 at 7:06 PM #

    What’s with Life that it makes kids need to learn survival skills at such an early age?! Stupid Life. (J/K, Life, I love you, man!) But here’s what I observe: your kids are learning from you guys who display compassion for each other and yourselves, who are loving, and who are funny. Their prospects look good from where I sit…

  3. Kristin February 21, 2011 at 3:47 AM #

    Your entire family is incredible and that doc needs to take a chill pill.

    Kristin´s last post…Cooking Maestro!!!

  4. The Mayor February 20, 2011 at 4:28 PM #

    Your kids have seen more than the usual amount of difficulties and these things take a toll on everyone in the family. Being able to look back on some of the things our family had been through it’s good to have an outsider give honest commentary on what they’re observing.

    As a mom who has lived through crisis, it’s easy for me to let things take slide a bit longer than I should given what they’ve been through. In the long run that doesn’t do anyone in my home good.

    So good for your pediatrician being able to make an observation and good for you in being able to put it in perspective and have the data necessary to be able to know how to move forward.
    From what I’ve read you have a remarkable family.

  5. Melissa Boyer February 19, 2011 at 9:19 AM #

    OK, I am mostly a lurker, having only commented one other time. However as a play therapist I can not resist jumping in and making a plug for you to consider a play therapy for your kids if you decide that some counseling is in order. It is a lovely, usually fun, and safe way for kids to work through emotions. It can work really well for kids who have experienced what you have shared your kids/family have gone through. For more than you ever wanted to know about play therapy and a list of registered play therapists(I do recommend that you look for an RPT-Registered play therapist if you were to decide to go that route) in your area check out http://www.a4pt.org.

    Melissa Boyer´s last post…Maybe some vitamin D

  6. The Domestic Goddess February 19, 2011 at 8:26 AM #

    With what your children (and you) have been through, who can blame them? They’ve had to process such deep, complex stuff in little kid minds and it isn’t fair. But you know what? They WILL be awesome as adults because of it. They will have compassion and caring and unconditional love like no other. All because of these experiences. They will be better.

    The Domestic Goddess´s last post…Few and Far Between but Just as Special Every Time

  7. Jess February 17, 2011 at 9:56 PM #

    They aren’t failing school. They having maimed or killed each other. They haven’t smothered you in your sleep. They may have some pent up emotion but who wouldn’t? I think they are doing a damn fine job because they have two wonderful parents raising them. Maybe some journals for them to write their feelings in, and the knowledge that they have the opportunity to talk to someone if they need it, school counselor, etc., but really? You rock. And you’re definitely doing something right.

    And if they’re knocking off 7-11′s I’ll take a cherry slurpee.

  8. Kristin February 17, 2011 at 5:49 PM #

    Unless you doctor was paying you a compliment as to how well your children have thrived during some difficult times, I don`t understand the point of their comment. I am amazed by the your strength, and the strength of your family. Thank you for sharing the grace with which your family faces tough times.

  9. Jasmine Robertson February 17, 2011 at 4:16 PM #

    I would be more worried if they didn’t have pent up emotion. Your kids sound typical by your account on your blog and given everything that they have been through that is amazing! So you just keep doing what you are doing with your kids and I am sure that they will be amazing people that turn into amazing adults! Look who they have for parents!

  10. Heather February 17, 2011 at 4:15 PM #

    I’ve been reading your blog for quite a while now and haven’t commented. Mostly, I’m just a stalker! However, when I read your blog today it hit some part of me that wanted to write. The obvious answer to your pediatrician is “Duh!” And, while I am sure she was kind and just trying to help the better approach should have been, “Hey, how are the kids handling everything? Would you like me to suggest some resources for you that might help them? I think they are doing well under the circumstances but I care about your family and want to help in any way I can.” It just seems to me that being as sensitive about my kids as I am if the pediatrician said that to me, no matter how kind she said it, I’d be hurt.

    Keep rockin’ on lovely! Hugs to you!

    P.S. Your hair looks extra bouncy today!

  11. Delenn February 17, 2011 at 3:34 PM #

    Um…yeah…I am surprised they are not holding up 7-11s! Long time lurker, probably first time commentor…yeah, I’d say that was a bit on the obvious observations meter. :-)

  12. neeroc February 17, 2011 at 3:20 PM #

    Your fierceness will carry you all through.

    neeroc´s last post…I’m losing it again today!

  13. Peter Mayhew February 17, 2011 at 2:48 PM #

    Pent up emotions we can handle all day long. We’ll work through it, together, with them.

    This wasn’t a bad thing at all folks.

    Peter Mayhew´s last post…Milestones

    • Sharon Heg February 17, 2011 at 4:21 PM #

      Cool beans. Just the way I read it, it sounded more like “Well YEAH, my kids have a lot of pent-up emotions, no DUH!,” instead of “Yeah, we know and we need to do something about this.” Interpretation, inability to see “how” you said it and, of course, not knowing each other from a hole in the wall ;-) But I’m also the one who looks at a problem and the first thing I think is, “OK, how can I fix it?” Sorry…goes with being an OT, LOL!

      Sharon Heg´s last post…When Expectations Are Low- There’s Nowhere To Go But Up

  14. marathonmom February 17, 2011 at 2:34 PM #

    Found a new pediatrician yet? JSYK – there is not a statute of limitations on unleashing an appropriate amount of bitchass on them.

    hugs xoxoxo!

    marathonmom´s last post…Race Report- Houston

    • Anissa Mayhew February 17, 2011 at 2:50 PM #

      I swear it wasn’t her fault. She was very nice about it all. It just hurts me that we have kids that have been through so much and there are places where they are told they less than rock.

  15. Sharon Heg February 17, 2011 at 1:19 PM #

    I guess, as someone many steps away from the situation, I see it a little differently. Perhaps the doctor didn’t mean it as a value judgment (which is, based on what you wrote, how I interpreted your reaction to be) as much as an observation – whatever the background/causes, the pediatrician observed that they appear to have pent-up emotions. As someone who is the QUEEN of compartmentalizing my emotions, I can tell you that, whatever the cause, it’s definitely not a good way to handle your emotions. But you know that already. Maybe it would be good to do something about it – of course, maybe you already have but maybe there’s more, or something different that could be done. Or maybe there’s not. I dunno…as someone who doesn’t know your family aside from what I’ve read on a computer screen, I have no right to make any sort of value judgment about that AT ALL. So maybe I should just shut up now ;-)

    Sharon Heg´s last post…When Expectations Are Low- There’s Nowhere To Go But Up

    • Anissa Mayhew February 17, 2011 at 2:56 PM #

      No. I totally appreciate that and I WANT to hear your opinion. My kids are struggling with how to deal with these emotions and it may have finally gotten to the point they ask for help. They have grownup worries in grownup situations in children bodies.

  16. Tracey - JustAnotherMommyBlog February 17, 2011 at 1:00 PM #

    I’d say they have the right to have some pent up emotions.

    • Anissa Mayhew February 17, 2011 at 2:56 PM #

      Oh lordy, do they ever.

  17. Jacki February 17, 2011 at 12:59 PM #

    I’m going to try this again. I just hit “close” instead of submit because I’m a tool like that. The gist of the comment was that kids are amazing. Your kids are amazing. You are amazing. And you’ve got a whole world cheering you on. If they DIDN’T have pent up emotions, that would be weird. They are learning some incredible life lessons. Freakin’ sucks they’re learning so many at once.

    Jacki´s last post…The post in which I use the c-word

    • Anissa Mayhew February 17, 2011 at 2:59 PM #

      It’s been a big help to have you all supporting me through this. Now I’m thinking pages where my kids can write might not be a bad to help them express what’s going on.

  18. Desera February 17, 2011 at 12:59 PM #

    Oh my! You didn’t mention if anyone bitch slapped the pediatrician….. I know I would’ve!

    • Anissa Mayhew February 17, 2011 at 3:03 PM #

      No. I think I put the blame on the doc and it wasn’t her fault. She was very nice.

  19. Jenny February 17, 2011 at 12:49 PM #

    Your entire family is incredible.

    “Loving my kids regardless of everything else is what I was made to do.”

    I just stood up and cheered with you! You totally got this. It ain’t easy, but what is? The still standing is the key. Everything else you can totally handle.

    (and if they start robbing 7-11′s, make sure they at least bring you a slurpee!)

    Jenny´s last post…I can

  20. By Word of Mouth Musings February 17, 2011 at 12:44 PM #

    The apple’s did not fall far from the tree it would seem.
    Your kids sound great, they sound strong like their Mom.
    You are doing something right, so just keep doing it!

    By Word of Mouth Musings´s last post…Healthful Thursday is that a word Feeling melancholy

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