here’s to trying again

I had my friend J take me to BJ’s last week.

*snort*

Large quantities of meat were purchased and had to be divided before freezing.

So I did what I have learned to do with one hand:

  • Get large freezer baggie
  • Open and flip the top portion inside-out, so it will stay open
  • Fill with hamburger, pork chops, whatever
  • Wash your hand so you can handle the bag
  • turn top back right-side-out, leave for two-handed person to seal to make sure seal is tight

That’s what I do. It’s not as easy as it used to be, or as neat, but it’s also not letting someone else do it because they CAN.

It’d not “inspiring” to NOT be lazy.

It’s just the way we are. It was never a choice to get better or not. It wasn’t an option to give up.

I watch people work two jobs to barely pay bills.

I see people make the sacrifices needed to make the difficult possible.

When you think I have it rough typing with one hand, there’s another person typing with ONE.FINGER.

I got a call from H who had back surgery and recovery was painful and slow.

She talked about the glimpse into the world I live in every day. How her compassion and understanding are so much greater.

Maybe THAT’s it.

A little understanding.

It’s easy to pity me. If you do, feel free to go away and never come back. In fact, TRIP on your way and land face-first in horse-s**t.

Or not.

I’ve said it before, it’s worth saying again: there’s a difference between TELLING you how to feel and trying to MAKE you feel.

Here’s to trying again.

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18 Responses to here’s to trying again

  1. Cecilia April 3, 2011 at 12:29 AM #

    No pity here either. I LOVE these posts where you explain how you do things. My 2 year old is a stroke survivor and she can do anything in the world she wants to do. You give me tips on how to show her ways to do different things. I also don’t pity her but every time I watch her accomplish a task I know I couldn’t do one handed I am filled with pride.

  2. carol anne March 31, 2011 at 12:57 AM #

    I could never pity you. I’m too busy being inspired by you. I got sick in October and I’m still not yet able to have my radiation treatments because of a minor bump in the road. Last Monday I had a second skin graft surgery. Ever since I found out that I was having a third surgery and that my radiation treatments would be pushed back even further I’ve been depressed and angry and annoyed and feeling defeated. Well if you’re not defeated well then I suppose I should and can put my big girl pants back on and take my head out of my you-know-what.

    carol anne´s last post…365 Days of Carol Anne Learning to Love Myself — De-Snorkified Edition

  3. Christina March 30, 2011 at 9:06 PM #

    Anissa, you are amazing and as a stroke survivor myself you inspire me. I’m eleven months out from a stroke that should have killed me but in part because I’m so fucking stubborn it didn’t. No pity here only admiration.
    Blessings to you and yours. Keep kicking Ass!

  4. Kristin March 30, 2011 at 2:15 AM #

    Anissa…I could never, ever pity you because you totally kick ass. Even when the mechanics of your brain/body communication weren’t (or aren’t) working so well, your mind is strong and brilliant and funny. There is nothing in that equation to pity. What I can say is that I wish amazing wonderful people like you and Peter didn’t have to go through so much shit in your life.

    Kristin´s last post…Wordless Wednesday- It Was All Worth It

    • Anissa Mayhew March 30, 2011 at 12:45 PM #

      xoxoxo ALWAYS!

  5. Elsa March 29, 2011 at 8:16 PM #

    You are stubborn alright … and I think that stubbornness is what has not let you get comfy, what pushes you to continue doing what others never thought you would do … you are an inspiration to many.

    • Anissa Mayhew March 30, 2011 at 12:46 PM #

      Stubborn – YES!

  6. TechyDad March 29, 2011 at 1:28 PM #

    I haven’t been able to listen to the name of that wholesale club since a certain CakeWrecks post: http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/2010/02/clean-up-on-aisle-12.html

    Imagine how awkward that going away party must have gotten!

    • Anissa Mayhew March 30, 2011 at 12:49 PM #

      OMG!! I’m going to get a cake like that for my BF’s birthday!

  7. alisha March 29, 2011 at 12:51 PM #

    since the word of the day is truth…i’ve avoided your blog. i see ppl rt your posts, i see that you are hilarious & loved. i’ve tried to read you, but haven’t. because sometimes i’m an asshole. because i’ve been a little scared of you. my partner & i were in a car accident in aug of ’09 & she’s a paraplegic as a result. & i’m only a little bit less terrified today than i was the minute it happened. 19 months & i’m so not anywhere near ok, in my head. but we’ve found a great therapist, so maybe… i’m here. and from what I’ve read so far, you rock.

    my partner? she rocks.

    i may not always comment, but i’m gonna read. i will never, ever pity you. there is nothing to pity.

    ok, well, that was awkwardly cathartic!

    • Anissa Mayhew March 29, 2011 at 8:45 PM #

      My friend lost her son to cancer and wrote a book about it. I never met Z, S and I have been good friends, she was a rock when my daughter had her cancer treatment.

      I’ve never read her book. I’ve tried.

      It was too close to the possibility of what I could go through as a parent. It made me feel a little too much.

      So, don’t EVER call yourself an asshole for not reading.

      If loving her and being there for HER is all you can do right now, then let that be enough.

  8. Peter Mayhew March 29, 2011 at 11:56 AM #

    I still say that one of the main things in stroke recovery is not being made comfortable. The brain is an amazing thing and can recover from a lot.

    Granted, there are some things that you need help with, but there are things that you can do today, that you couldn’t do yesterday. And things you will do tomorrow that you need help with today. The key is to continually whittle away at that list. It’s gotten a lot smaller in the past year, a lot smaller. Think you’d be where you were if instead of coming home and working, we just propped you up in bed with the remote and a box of bon-bons and made you comfortable?

    Not sure if you recall the conversation or not, but one of the main arguments you had while in rehab was that they were teaching you how to be handicapped, whereas you wanted them to teach you how to get better. And that was while you still had memory issues. It’s a part of you to kick the crap out of something.

    You’re stubborn.

    You’re beautiful.

    You’re funny.

    You’re perfect.

    Keep kicking ass honey. You’re an inspiration! :P

    Peter Mayhew´s last post…Hi There

  9. Pennleth March 29, 2011 at 11:21 AM #

    You certainly aren’t to be pitied but yes, admired. Lots of people would have given up. Of course there is little option but to keep striving for full recovery but lots would have let it beat them.

    Pennleth´s last post…One day I WILL find my spine

  10. CameSawShopped March 29, 2011 at 11:06 AM #

    So glad that @2girlsonabench added me their #funnygals, without that, I probably
    would not have discovered you and your tweets and blog. You have an enviable mind and
    wit. Always thoughtful and inciteful, with just the right amount of humor thrown in.

    • Anissa Mayhew March 29, 2011 at 8:35 PM #

      That is one of the nicest comments anyone has ever taken the time to write on a bathroom wall.

      *sniff*

      Really. Thank you.

  11. Becky March 29, 2011 at 10:42 AM #

    I’ve been reading your blog since your stroke – I’m a regular with Tanis and now with you. Then back in November, I too had a mild TIA stroke of the right side. I’m 39. I spent 1 month in a wheelchair – then 2 months on a walker and now a cane when i feel strong enough – Not only do I not pity you – but i ADMIRE you. I would make my husband take me to the computer everyday during my recovery because I developed a “If Anissa can do this so can I” attitude and I’m grateful for you and your family and your blog. There are days when things are just too much but i just remember how you persevere and I make myself do the same. I hope one day to meet you face to face but realize living in Texas that may never happen – so I just continue to root for you and thank you for inspiring me to NOT be lazy.

    • Anissa Mayhew March 29, 2011 at 8:32 PM #

      I admire you because it takes a lot to admit there are days when you feel less than determined. We pull our motivation, whether it’s to walk another lap, climb another foot, try another step, from whatever source keeps us going. I’m honored to be part of yours.

  12. Tracey - JustAnotherMommyBlog March 29, 2011 at 10:27 AM #

    No pity, Anissa. Just support for you and for all of us. Everyone has something to overcome. Some people have more than others and that sucks monkey balls.

    Hmm. I had another thing to say and got distracted. Something shiny. And some laughing babies in the background of my blog. I’m keeping their laughter running on perpetual loop today…

    Tracey – JustAnotherMommyBlog´s last post…This is EXACTLY what I needed on this dreary day

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