the “what if” game

The “What If” game.

I play it.

What if I won the powerball?

What if I could fly?

What if humanity was destroyed and the world depended on Hugh Jackman and me to repopulate.

It could happen.

And then I had kids.

What if the car hung off a bridge and I could only get one child out?

What if the house was on fire and I couldn’t get to them?

Oh, it went on and on.

If you are any kind of friend you’ll tell me these ball o’crazy thoughts plagued you too.

But then recently we had to sit down together and play “What If” for real.

What if I had more strokes?

What if a machine was all that was keeping me alive?

What if there was a choice between a breathing shell and letting me go.

What If you have to tell the person you love to let you say goodbye to your children, then make the tough decision.

What if?

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14 Responses to the “what if” game

  1. Lisa April 9, 2011 at 12:35 AM #

    I have all these what ifs…except the Hugh Jackman one. May have to add it to my list.

    Everytime I think you’ve topped your superwoman brave status you prove me wrong.

    I know the conversation had to happen but you put it all out there to remind us to all suck it up and have it too.

  2. Susie April 5, 2011 at 7:28 PM #

    Yes, I’ve had conversations like this too. But here are the facts: if the worst happens and if you find yourself in a hospital, your partner, husband or wife must have a “Power of Attorney for Health Care”. It’s NOT enough to know what your loved ones want to do in these “what if” situations You have to be able to make the decision for them and legally back it up.

    It makes no difference if you tell a doctor, “Look we’ve had this conversation and I know what he/she says she wants.” There has to be a piece of paper to back up your loved ones’ wishes. Look online, I’m sure there are forms which can be printed and then signed. If you don’t know what to do, you can always call your local Hospice chapter. They’ve dealt with this countless times and can advise.

    My mom had a stroke @ 74 (lived for 5 years after) and wanted to have a DNR form. DNR means: “Do Not Resuscitate” We never had to use it but my sister (who lived close to my mom) always made sure she always had the copy in the car whenever she was with our mom. My sister and BIL worked/volunteered at Hospice for years, and made sure my late husband and I knew the facts.

    But you’re right! It’s not a fum conversation, but alas, it is what it is. Death is a part of life.

    Don’t wait to do this! You don’t want your loved ones to have to deal with the nightmare of knowing your wishes but not being able to carry them out!

    Now *Chuckle* I can’t leave this box without saying to Anissa, now go get tomorrow, like you always do…

  3. Melissa April 5, 2011 at 9:33 AM #

    I have these ‘what-if’ conversations with myself every night. They are the last thing I think of before I fall asleep. What if the kids are too cold in their rooms? What if the toddler has a small polly pocket something in her mouth right now ? even though she’s obviously asleep…and doesn’t eat everything in sight anymore…still. what if. You are not alone with the ball o crazy what ifs. I haven’t been able to bring myself to suggest we need to get some legal papers that deal with some what ifs.

    Melissa´s last post…Dear Mom

  4. casey April 4, 2011 at 11:16 PM #

    ugh, i hate that game and i play it, too. a lot. pretty much the moment we got married, i forced my husband to lay out his wishes in a living will, explicitly stating what he prefers if he is seriously injured or ill, etc. we had discussed beforehand how he did not feel his family would honor his issues, and with these documents nobody has to make any decisions because he’s already made them on a legal document. i did the same. we made copies for our doctors and one to bring to a hospital God-forbid the need ever arrived. im curently pregnant with a blod clotting disorder and i forced him into a discussion about who to save first, etc.

  5. Kristin April 4, 2011 at 9:51 PM #

    I hope we never ever have to make a decision like that but it’s something we have talked about. Both my husband and I spent time working in EMS and that drives home the reality of the fragility of life like nothing else does.

    Kristin´s last post…Creating- crafting- calm

  6. mommabird2345 April 4, 2011 at 12:14 PM #

    My husband and I have had this conversation. I don’t like to think of the “what if’s”, but it is better to know what we both want, rather than to leave the other with the “I don’t know, we never talked about it”.

  7. Penbleth April 4, 2011 at 12:05 PM #

    This is such a hard conversation to have but I feel better knowing Hub and I have had it. After all, one can still make new decisions as time passes and should a situation arise people might feel differently but knowing that base position is a relief.

    Penbleth´s last post…Ultimate Blog Party

  8. Diana April 4, 2011 at 9:58 AM #

    Not only did my husband and I have this very conversation we included our oldest child so that they would know the decisions we had made and be able to help with any needed support to their siblings as in “This is what mom/dad wanted” Maybe that was the hardest what if conversation we have ever had with an older child.

    Long time lurker who loves loves loves what you write and your willingness to expose your raw emotions with humor.

  9. Monica April 4, 2011 at 9:28 AM #

    Hubby and I have had this conversation too.. .It’s one of the scarier parts in life, but knowing each other’s wishes now is better than not knowing at all… I pray that none of us ever have to make that decision… There are too many “What if’s” in life… Sometimes you just gotta live.. ((((hugs))))

    Monica´s last post…Well this kinda stinks

  10. Lee Sullivan April 4, 2011 at 8:44 AM #

    Anissa, Gil and I recently had a micro-conversation on the same topic. It was horrible for the 30 seconds we touched on it. I think we both know what each other would want but he and I really need to sit down and seriously talk about this, maybe even with his ex-wife. If anything ever happened, I think I would want her to be there because of the kids. Eek, now I’m tearing up again. I don’t like the ‘what if’ game.

  11. alisha April 3, 2011 at 11:38 PM #

    this twists my gut. i’ve been there. i take comfort in at least knowing we will remember what the other wanted if we ever get there.

    alisha´s last post…SOC-the clean version

  12. Holly April 3, 2011 at 10:56 PM #

    Kind of scary but necessary stuff to think about. That no one wants to think about.

    I used to obsess about how I would get the kids out of the car if we ever ended up in a canal. Which does happen where we live.

    Holly´s last post…Weekend by numbers- Blah

  13. neeroc April 3, 2011 at 10:55 PM #

    I’d always thought I had firm, definite ideas about those sorts of scenarios. Then I had a child. Those what ifs suck. I want to go back to winning the lottery and flying.

    neeroc´s last post…This video makes my ovaries ache

  14. Kim April 3, 2011 at 10:49 PM #

    I hope yall never have to make that decision, either of you, ever. We talked about it too, never thinking that it would happen. And no matter how much you talk about it or prepare, it’s so hard . It’s so freaking hard and the guilt, it’s life swallowing. It never goes away. I pray yall will never have to face that. Xoxo

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