this doesn’t hurt you more than it hurts me, but it does hurt pretty bad

This was supposed to be my first post about the Mom 2.0 conference.

I was going to tell you about experiences I had, things I saw, moments I got to share.

Then I went to see Dr Pain.

If you’re new around here, Dr Pain’s name isn’t really PAIN.

OH, but it should be.

I had J with me today, and a big part of her job is driving to things like torture therapy.

This was the first time I’d taken her with me.

I needed to warn her.

I told her that there were often tears. It hurt.  A LOT.

But we had an agreement that no matter how many tears I cried, he wouldn’t stop unless I told him to.

I should have a safety word. Or safety phrase. “I love Charlie Sheen.”

I would never say that.

But there’s a moment when the pain is so intense and it’s hard for a friend to watch.

Dr Pain smiled while stretching a muscle that didn’t want to stretch. He looked up at J.

“She has a goal,” he said.

“What’s that?” J’s voice was flat from watching him hurt me.

“To bitch-slap me with this hand,” he said, giving my hand another pull.

He and I both know I will slap him one day.

We’ll both smile because I’ve EARNED that slap.



This an old post that I joked with someone about, then I was asked so I put it on Twitter, then asked for the link repeatedl. FINE! Apparently, I’m not the only one with PTA/PTO issues.

This post alone is reason to make sure my kids’ schools never find out I have a blog

Why no one should ever…I repeat…EVER…offer me a PTA position.

Cause I just might take them up on it. And then?


Or at least the school version of it.

Dear 2009-2010 parents,

I sure appreciate your misguided voting to elect me as your new PTA president. We are instituting a few possibly-not-totally-approved-by-administration  changes to the way this year’s PTA is going to be run.

1.  There will be no more fundraisers involving magazines, wrapping paper, candles or candy. The only fundraisers that will take place under my reign will involve practical, common sense things that everyone’s going to buy anyways and will involve the least amount of inconvenience: toilet paper, deodorant and tooth paste.  Bonus is? If someone is NOT using these things in a sufficient manner, {and from the number of you that are missing what should have been permanent teeth, this could take a good deal of our stock} you can buy in bulk.

2.  Administration wants better parent turnout at the meetings?  Two words: OPEN BAR.  I cannot promise we’re going to get anything accomplished, but the possibility for blackmail photos being taken are worth at least one or two bake sales.

3.  Any and ALL disagreements will not be voted  upon in a civilized manner. They will be taken care of in the only way two adults SHOULD handle a conflict of minds: in the parking lot, bare knuckle brawls. DONE.

4.  Failure to respond to PTA emails or newsletters will be taken as an assumed commitment.  Should that commitment not be fulfilled, we will take that to mean you are forfeiting your vehicle’s tires and they will be taken in lieu of your participation.  All four of them. On all of your vehicles. Wherever we find you.  And make no mistake, we WILL find you.

5.  Those parents that take it upon themselves to be snobby, elitist, or social-mongers will be SHOT.ON.SIGHT.

Well, I think that just about wraps it up.  Looking forward to a great new year.


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11 Responses to this doesn’t hurt you more than it hurts me, but it does hurt pretty bad

  1. Jessica April 27, 2011 at 12:28 PM #

    could I copy that for my app. to be PTA president? I’ll give you original credit, I swear

    • Anissa Mayhew April 27, 2011 at 10:02 PM #

      Only if you video the responses

  2. Penbleth April 27, 2011 at 12:15 PM #

    Everyone needs a goal. You could do like 12 with one of her Drs in the past and brain him with a clothes hanger. That got across her message while bringing a huge element of surprise to him and to us.

    Penbleth´s last post…Normal is just so fleeting This time

    • Anissa Mayhew April 27, 2011 at 10:03 PM #

      God, I love the way you think

  3. Kathleen Thomas April 27, 2011 at 11:03 AM #

    Hi there,

    I have a question about your site, would you mind emailing me back @


  4. Sugar Jones April 27, 2011 at 10:57 AM #

    I can’t wait for you to bitch slap your Dr either.

    Also… #5 on the PTA letter totally rocks!

    Sugar Jones´s last post…New Beginning

  5. Ali April 27, 2011 at 10:53 AM #

    At least you are both on the same page! You have a goal, and he’s been warned! He can’t say he never saw it coming, when it happens! ;)

    As for the PTA…I’d vote you president any day of the week with that set of rules! Does that apply, as well, if you should decide to run for election as President of the U.S.? What other rules/laws would you set into place? :) I’m dying to know!

  6. Susie April 27, 2011 at 10:47 AM #

    With all your exhausting hard work in therapy, Anissa, I know the day you can bitch-slap is
    getting closer and closer. Now go get tomorrow, lady, like you always do…

  7. Truthful Mommy April 27, 2011 at 10:27 AM #

    I think having a goal like to inflict pain and bitch slap is fabulous! He sounds like he deserves it:)
    Your letter to the PTA made me literally shoot my coffee out my nose!I adore it and I adore you for putting into words what most, if not all of us, feel!
    LOVE IT!

    Truthful Mommy´s last post…Daddy Juice My water to wine

  8. Kristin April 26, 2011 at 9:55 PM #

    I can’t wait for the day you can bitch slap someone again.

    And, I totally and completely LOVE your version of the PTA.

    Kristin´s last post…V is for Victor

  9. Miss Britt April 26, 2011 at 8:35 PM #

    And raise your middle finger!!!!

    Miss Britt´s last post…Life Is Not a To-Do List

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