i could have had a v-8, but i wrote instead

So I started writing THE BOOK.

The one that I’ve hedged about writing.

It’s doing what I was afraid it would it would do.

It made me remember things I didn’t want to remember.

I had feelings I pushed away.

A person I’m ashamed to have to have been.

But I had to be HER to recover.

SHE had to have her time so I could have mine.

Things I said.

Things I did.

Things I wouldn’t do now.

Bu then.

I did do them.

And it feels like a scar that was healing.

But it was healing wrong.

I cut so it bleeds fresh again.

Each page is written in that blood.

The whole BOOK may be a bloody mess.

Each tear. Each snort. Each raw, gaping truth.

Maybe this time it’ll heal correctly.

Maybe not.

Either way, I’ve started writing THE BOOK.

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15 Responses to i could have had a v-8, but i wrote instead

  1. Susie May 27, 2011 at 1:07 PM #

    Ah yes, writing! I have a book inside me (re: my husband’s near-5-year cancer battle, etc.) and have yet to write the first page. I love that you have the courage to do this. Now go get tomorrow, Anissa, like you always do…

  2. Becky May 26, 2011 at 8:10 PM #


    Yes sweetie … this time may it heal right. And hold no power of hurt over you.

    And I will be first in line to buy your book <3

  3. Truthful Mommy May 26, 2011 at 7:30 AM #

    Hell yeah!!!I can;t wait to read YOUR BOOK! It may hurt to remember but you’ve already lived through it.You survived the past. Now you can move through it and fee l your feelings and heal! *Hugs mama* XO

    Truthful Mommy´s last post…Theta MomMy TRUTH

  4. Kristin May 25, 2011 at 10:32 PM #

    Way to go Anissa! No matter what it’s written in, I’m sure it’s going to be one hell of a story.

    Kristin´s last post…Summer Lovin and a giveaway

  5. I WROTE THIS: i could have had a v-8, but i wrote instead

  6. Cam - Bibs&Baubles May 25, 2011 at 7:06 PM #

    good for you! sounds like it’s very necessary!

    Cam – Bibs&Baubles´s last post…The Big O

  7. i could have had a v-8, but i wrote instead

  8. robin May 25, 2011 at 5:47 PM #

    You are a rock star. Most people will never write a book in their lifetime, and you are writing one after recovering from multiple strokes. Impressive lady, impressive.

  9. mommabird2345 May 25, 2011 at 5:19 PM #

    I’m sure it will be an emotional journey. You are amazing. You can this.

  10. Penbleth May 25, 2011 at 3:24 PM #

    Well done Anissa. I am sure it will be fantastic and if it helps heal some old wounds then that’s even better.

    Penbleth´s last post…Residential schooling for special needs kids

  11. kyooty May 25, 2011 at 3:05 PM #

    hugs! and writing vibes, for the healing

  12. I WROTE THIS: i could have had a v-8, but i wrote instead –

    • ThePeachy1 May 25, 2011 at 6:10 PM #

      damn it babe. I love you. there you were, with your back to the door. in a place that was horrible, it was the first time you have been sitting since that November day and I had been in town. like the graceful hippo I am I strutted through the door , a shrinking violet saying hello to the caregivers I had met while you were still horizontal in another place. Without missing a beat you said back turned, ” oh no it’s not.” in that instant, I knew. I knew every second invested in arguing, fighting, throwing tantrums and looking like a huge jackass was worth it. I tested you beyond all tests. You tested me back. Guess who passed. The one making a stand while she sits down. The one who despises being called an inspiration, the one who called the nurses to get her out of her hospital bed so I could lay down with a freaking headache. I have never cared much what flies out of my mouth and how people feel about it, so here you go. “accept the fact that you do indeed change lives.” I am just as honored to call you my friend today as I was 10 years ago, and as I will be 10 years from now.

      • Peter Mayhew May 25, 2011 at 6:27 PM #

        Don’t forget weird psychotic phone breaking nurses! XOXO love ya Sandi

        Peter Mayhew´s last post…Hi There

      • Anissa Mayhew May 25, 2011 at 11:13 PM #

        I remember your face being one of the first and one that always been there.

        No matter what direction we had look to make to make eye contact.

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