simmer and boil

Peter has always felt every stress intensely. And it shows.

I also feel every stress intensely. I try not to let it show.

His boils hot, blows over, then is over.

Mine simmers below the surface for a long time.

We’ve had a lot of stress to deal with over time.

We’ve had stresses that make most people crack.

It’s hard being married to person to like me.

I feel bad that I require constant reassurance that THIS is where he wants to be.

That THIS situation is eve  going to seem right.

I’m a constant source of stress. My own. His.

There are things I fail at that I feel heavily on my shoulders.

I’m simmering.

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13 Responses to simmer and boil

  1. test March 17, 2013 at 4:51 PM #

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  2. Jess July 5, 2011 at 5:44 PM #

    I simmer. Then I blow. When I blow it can be felt states away. I’ve been simmering awhile now about a few things, family related, work related. My boyfriend just said “I think that’s why I love you so much, you’re hot when you’re mad”. We’ll see what he thinks when it gets turned on him.

  3. carol anne July 2, 2011 at 5:53 PM #

    Chuck’s been by my side this whole time. I’ve never seen him look angry, disgusted, annoyed or burdened and I’m grateful for him and his amazing attitude. But, I can’t shake the feeling that I am in fact a burden. He’d never tell you that but it’s hard to be the one being cared for no matter how kind and amazing our spouses are. No two ways about it I feel guilty for all the stress and worry and for the financial burden.

    I think it’s normal to feel insecure. I agree with Hugh, it’s better just to let it all out. Holding it all in is no good for you. I’ve had some epic meltdowns that weren’t at all pretty but necessary to keep from losing my mind. (((hugs)))

  4. Susie June 30, 2011 at 11:16 PM #

    Hugh’s message is one of the best messages I’ve read on your site, Anissa. I hope you read and embrace every word–especially the last three sentences.

    Now go get tomorrow, like you always do, lady…

  5. Kristin June 30, 2011 at 10:03 PM #

    {{{Hugs}}} and love sweetie!

  6. Hugh Ryan June 30, 2011 at 9:02 PM #

    Ya .. been there, done that, have the freakin’ T-shirt. We’ve been in both your shoes for 10 years, pretty much. Here’s what I’ve learnt: 1. Don’t hide how you feel about things. Yes it sucks, Peter knows it sucks, your kids know it sucks; everyone else thinks they know how it sucks (but don’t really); but not saying what you think/feel makes it worse for YOU. Get it out there, then deal with it; even if it’s just Peter & the kids listening to you having a rant and whine about something they’d think inconsequential, TRUST them to give you the space to let out what you need to. All you need to do is explain why mom needs to let off now and again; they love you, Anissa and they will – even want to – give you that space and freedom gladly. Then laugh at you.
    2. After Ruth went through her event and the subsequent medical work, one of the things I was most uncomfortable with was the nurses constantly telling her (not me!) that I was ‘such a great husband’ because I hadn’t abandoned her – apparently it’s more common than not that spouses leave stroke patients because they ‘can’t deal with it’. I don’t consider myself Mr Wonderful, I’m sure Peter doesn’t either; I think of myself as Ruth’s husband and partner and I guess Peter does too for you. I DO understand how you feel but you have no need to doubt his commitment to you – he’s there with you, not somewhere or with someone else. TRUST him, trust his love. Please.
    3. It is NOT your fault and never has been so you have nothing to apologise for. Yes, life has dealt you – and Ruth, and partners – a crappy hand, that’s for sure. We each have to deal with that in our own way. But Peter and I are still here, through the difficulties and hard times, because we WANT to be here, with you. Trust us. Trust our love.


    • Peter Mayhew July 1, 2011 at 11:02 AM #

      Very much agree with your comments. Regarding point 2:

      I’ve been called heroic.

      Well, my actions have been called that anyway…by many different people…even my best friend who’s done a tour in Iraq. I chuckle and tell folks I’m much taller and thinner and actually have hair when I write. The point is, I don’t consider it anything more than parenting and being a husband. Also, I had TONS of help when Anissa’s strokes happened.

      Thirteen years ago, when I spent $37.50 at a pawn shop on a wedding ring (because I was a broke grad student), I also made a promise about being there for better or for worse. I don’t recall there being any stipulations or addendum regarding anything.

      I’ve heard tons of husbands leave in these situations too. Personally, I think those people are sissies and cowards.

      • Hugh July 1, 2011 at 6:55 PM #

        With you all the way on that, Peter

  7. Shannon Cerrigone June 30, 2011 at 6:13 PM #

    I think Peter is a very lucky man. I bet he thinks so too.

  8. I WROTE THIS: simmer and boil –

  9. Penbleth June 30, 2011 at 5:30 PM #


  10. simmer and boil

  11. I WROTE THIS: simmer and boil –

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