so much for concerts

A few days ago one of the kids screamed in laughter RIGHT IN MY EAR.

There was no thought about it. Not from them. Not from me.

But right after I could tell the hearing my good ear had changed.

Back story: I have partial deafness in my right ear from the stroke. I’m left with the hearing in my left ear and it’s sensitive. You won’t find me where the music is loud, I have issues hearing in crowds and perceived rudeness is usually because I didn’t hear you.

So when I thought about losing what hearing I still had, I was scared.  I cried.

I had gone from perfect vision to severe eyesight problems.

I have this whole side of my body I have to constantly fight with.

My hair is growing back from falling out due to stress.

There has been so much to accept it seemed cruel to take on more at this point.

For five seconds I listened to muffled voices around me and wanted to throw myself down.

I GIVE UP.

I’M DONE.

I DON’T WANT TO LOSE MY HEARING.

It felt like too much.

And then it was over. I told Peter to take the kids for some fun while mom did some computer research to see if a dr was needed for this ear problem.

I wasn’t deaf. The hearing wasn’t gone. I could cope with this.

“Is there any pain?”

“Is there bleeding or fluid?”

“Do you hear air?”

Peter asked a few more questions, but the answer SEEMED to be that the hearing damage was temporary.

I’ll give it a few days to see if it heals as suggestions say it might.

I would say the hearing had already improved, but I don’t want to be making things up in my head.

We’ll see.

 

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6 Responses to so much for concerts

  1. Lisa July 11, 2011 at 3:48 PM #

    I know this might not be wanted…but if there is damage…at least it was children’s laughter. Your child’s laughter.

    I hope that it goes away Anissa. The muffling (not your hearing…!)

  2. Kristin July 11, 2011 at 3:08 PM #

    That’s just not fucking fair.

    MEMO to The Powers That Be:

    Anissa has had more than her fair share of things happening to her. Enough! It is someone else’s turn.

    • Kati Strong July 19, 2011 at 5:48 PM #

      Oh please don’t say it’s someone else’s turn. As awful as these continually increasing problems are, other people are going through a lot of crap too. Even if it isn’t fair, those of us enduring ever increasing crap in our lives have to remember, instead of saying “why me?” we have to say “why not me?” Would we really wish our suffering on others?

      • HeatherS July 27, 2011 at 10:58 PM #

        Have to agree and Anissa probably does, too. The first time I let out a, “Why Me?” I realized in an instant that there was no good reason it shouldn’t be me and I sure as hell wouldn’t wish it on anyone else. Sure, every once in a while I have a little pity party where I cry and rant about how I don’t want to be the strong one anymore. Then you pick up and move on because there really is no other choice. Well, unless you really do want to crawl in a hole & die but that’s just not me. Or most of us.
        Anissa, I truly hope your hearing loss is only temporary. Hugs. Or Fistbumps. Or Whatever floats your boat. I don’t know you well enough to know if hugs is your thing but I know you’re freaking funny and relatable, and that’s why I keep stopping by.

  3. Handflapper July 11, 2011 at 1:56 PM #

    I have Meniere’s disease, so I hear ringing in my ears all the time and often experience that muffled hearing you describe. So far it has always gone away. Keep fighting, Anissa. You inspire all of us.

  4. so much for concerts http://dlvr.it/ZmRlF

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