i have a plan for @TheBloggess for 2012

I have this friend Jenny.

You may know her as the Bloggess.

You may also know her as Inmate 856846746, but that’s another story for another day.

So, in San Diego at BlogHer11 at the People’s Party (co-hosted by : Velveteen Mind, IzzyMom, Motherbumper and Oh, the Joys!)Jenny was one of the hosts.

In past years, Jenny’s does her hostess duties from the ladies room.

People sometimes don’t realize that it isn’t an attention-getting tactic, it’s a defense mechanism for someone who has severe anxiety issues.

It’s a way to control the noise, the light and the number of people.

BUT THIS YEAR the ladies room was too far away for Jenny to do her thing.

So, the co-hosts of the People’s Party did an amazing thing and BUILT a mock bathroom in their ballroom.

That sounds great, huh?

The mock-bathroom was fantastic!

But Jenny’s fans (and OHMYLORD she has them) had formed a line and she was cornered like like a wild beast.

Jenny loves people.  She loves writing. (she’s really farking good at  it, in case you didn’t know)  She loves her readers.

She just has issues dealing with so many of them at once.

SO I HAVE A PLAN FOR BLOGHER12!

This is a confessional.  Jenny goes in one side, fans go in the other.  WIN/WIN!

(you are not required to tell Jenny any sins, but if you do she might give you candy)

This could work, people!

I want you to have the chance to meet the fabulous that is Bloggesspere, but I only want what make her feel safe & good.

Father Bloggess

Father Bloggess

WWJD? He’d raise his hands up the air and wave ‘em like he just don’t care!

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36 Responses to i have a plan for @TheBloggess for 2012

  1. Jenn August 30, 2011 at 3:57 AM #

    Omg, that is freaking hilarious! It might work, so long as it has an escape hatch. And booze.
    but not communion wine – sneaked enough of that as an altar girl to know it’s not the good stuff….

    I don’t know how she does it…I mean, I can’t even stand in line to meet someone (that’s WAY to much for my anxiet-o-meter) let alone be the meet-ee.

    Jenn´s last post…Taking the Sting Out

  2. jennster August 27, 2011 at 9:42 PM #

    omg, i freaking LOVE it! lol dude, i am totally fucking going to blogher this time. i am tired of missing it and i will plan it with my yearly NY trip. dammit. fuckerbitch. plus, i miss me some izzy, anissa and jenny.,

  3. Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah August 27, 2011 at 2:49 PM #

    I know I would feel much more comfortable confessing my sins to Jenny than to some priest.

    Let’s do this thing.

  4. thepsychobabble August 27, 2011 at 2:26 PM #

    Wonderful idea:) I would be highly amused, for sure

  5. Ann August 27, 2011 at 2:26 PM #

    She is going to need a food chute in that confessional. MAKE SURE JENNY GETS A FOOD CHUTE!

    Anissa that picture is FANTASTIC.

  6. tracey - justanothermommy August 23, 2011 at 5:44 PM #

    When I saw the line, I backed away and said that I didn’t want to contribute to her anxiety any more than she must already be feeling. So I treated her like Santa Claus at the mall: I waved and pretended that she not only saw me, but also that she cared that I waved. WINWIN!

    The pic of Father Bloggess is priceless. You have a true talent.

  7. All Fooked Up August 23, 2011 at 7:40 AM #

    See? I think the problem WASN’T that Jenny was behind the curtain. The problem was that Jenny and about 10 other bloggers were behind the curtain therefore giving it the “ALLURE” as “the place to be.”

    Not only that but because it was “the People’s Party” and you would expect ALL the bloggers to MIX TOGETHER (Obviously not Jenny because of her anxiety) but ALL THE REST of those hiding from “THE PEOPLE”; that created the line.

    Back there was Mr. Lady, Redneck Mommy, Backpacking Dad, My Bad Mother (or whatever its called) and more. THerefore it looked EXCLUSIVE back there so OF COURSE a line formed.

    While Jenny certainly had an excuse to be there, the rest of them back there was bullshit and THAT’S what people were saying and THAT’S WHY THE LINE FORMED.

    • Anissa Mayhew August 23, 2011 at 10:02 AM #

      I’m sorry it came off EXCLUSIVE.

      I really doubt that was in anyone’s head.

      Jenny is a friend to many of us, and like any friend, you want to spend time with her.

      It was comforting in the never-ending line of strange faces for Jenny to have the friendly and familiar. THAT may be why a line formed but it was also why she needed those people close.

    • Mr Lady August 23, 2011 at 10:05 AM #

      I was back there for exactly 30 minutes talking to someone I’d never met in real life before, who happened to show up to say hi to Jenny at the same time as me. I’m sorry if that didn’t work for you.

    • Backpacking Dad August 23, 2011 at 1:03 PM #

      I think this is exactly right.

      I’m a line-causer. It wasn’t fair to the rest of the 3500 people at BlogHer that I even showed up, really, since my line-causiness totally distracted them from the good time they were having. I’ve been talking with Elisa, Jory, and Lisa about this, and next year they’ve agreed that since I don’t talk to anyone, ever, but that I go around causing lines everywhere as I try to hide from, let’s face it, lesser bloggers, that I should stay away from anything resembling a bathroom. It will be tough, since I’ll probably have to pee at some point, but my own enjoyment of BlogHer and the company of my friends needs to take a backseat to the comfort of everyone else. I actually agree.

    • Redneck Mommy August 24, 2011 at 12:01 PM #

      Backpackingdad stole my comment. Just know that I totally agree with what he said.

  8. Diane August 23, 2011 at 7:35 AM #

    Super idea! I had the privilege of performing at the LTYM Austin this year and am still laughing at Jenny’s Judgement. Even shared it with some friends that were staying here this week on vacation. Such a gift! Glad she shares it, even if it is from the loo!

  9. I WROTE THIS: i have a plan for @TheBloggess for 2012 – – http://t.co/a6VVQkN

  10. Janessa August 23, 2011 at 12:33 AM #

    This is an awesome idea. I hope Jenny will consider doing this next year!

  11. Megan August 22, 2011 at 9:27 PM #

    Awesome. I’m going next year, so I need to commit some sins I can confess. They’re going to have to be good, though, so they’re worthy of Jenny. I might have to get arrested.

  12. Lori August 22, 2011 at 7:15 PM #

    Thank you for writing this. It was such pure genius when we sat in your room the other day talking about this…..I LOVE it!

  13. Today I wrote: http://t.co/i2xQuRR about debunking the "wonderful kids" myth at @babble & http://t.co/a6VVQkN ’12 plans for @TheBloggess

  14. Shelley Oswald (@Momma_oz) August 22, 2011 at 4:58 PM #

    i have a plan for @TheBloggess for 2012 – http://t.co/YfJYSKU via @AnissaMayhew ~ Love this

  15. Moms Who Blog (@momswhoblog) (@momswhoblog) August 22, 2011 at 4:13 PM #

    i have a plan for @TheBloggess for 2012 http://t.co/bkuCeIN

  16. Penbleth August 22, 2011 at 3:08 PM #

    Anissa, this is genius, I wish I could be there to confess all to The Bloggess, I think she could take it.

  17. Megan {Velveteen Mind} August 22, 2011 at 3:02 PM #

    Argh. I loved our bathroom, too, until the line formed! What the hell? Then I panicked and had no idea how to disperse the line. I kept coming in the bathroom and waving helplessly at Jenny, looking for a sign from Laura if I should… well, clearly I didn’t know the end of that sentence.

    What the hell are we going to do when Jenny’s book comes out?! If a natural line forms now, we are screwed next year.

    There is always a touch of madness at the People’s Party. Because our people, they have a touch of madness.

    Next year. Already planning. And who isn’t on board for a touch of religious imagery? Golden calf and all that jazz.

    Saint Bloggess with jazz hands. There. Done.

  18. Cassie August 22, 2011 at 2:44 PM #

    This. Is. Awesome.

  19. @TheBloggess, maybe we can get @VelveteenMind @Izzymom @Motherbumper & @OhTheJoys to agree to make it next year? http://t.co/TtgSdMp

  20. Gamanda August 22, 2011 at 2:26 PM #

    Brilliant! Plus, it’d make it basically a mortal sin NOT to be drinking wine while confessing to Jenny. Total Win/Win/Win/Wine.

  21. I made the pic "Father @theBloggess" her profile pic on my phone. I’m thinking of making it the wallpaper! http://t.co/QHzlPUv

  22. Michelle M. August 22, 2011 at 1:03 PM #

    Frickin’ brilliant! Even *I* might go to Blogher if this was going on. Woooo!

  23. Lynn @ Walking With Scissors August 22, 2011 at 1:03 PM #

    That is pure genius!! I felt bad for Jenny this year, trapped like a side show attraction. Don’t get me wrong, I think that the co-hosts of the People’s Party were awesome for giving Jenny her own space, I just think that no one anticipated that a giant line would form. Yikes!

    • Megan {Velveteen Mind} August 22, 2011 at 3:06 PM #

      You and me both. You have to wonder if a line would have formed outside of the regular bathroom, too, though. And then people would have been all, “Is this the line to pee?” and it would have been weird, too. Also way more cramped. In apparently several ways.

  24. i have a plan for @TheBloggess for 2012: I have this friend Jenny.
    You may know her as the Bloggess.
    You may als… http://t.co/CMJFhYd

  25. Zannah August 22, 2011 at 12:33 PM #

    What a great idea! Now if only we could find a carpenter….

  26. kiki harshman August 22, 2011 at 12:29 PM #

    you may have just cured my social anxiety with that image – i’m going to picture myself in a mobile confessional everywhere i feel stressed. Kind of the like the weird catholic version of picturing your audience naked. fabulous – mad love

  27. Della August 22, 2011 at 12:29 PM #

    OMFG best idea evar. It would also make it easy to slip her cookies and margaritas without anyone noticing how many she’s had.

  28. Jenny, Bloggess August 22, 2011 at 12:24 PM #

    My God, I love you.

    It was really fine until the last hour. Then I started getting panicky and looking for tables to crawl under. I ended up running outside and hiding out on a bench for an hour just to breathe properly again. A confessional would be good because then other people could pretend to be me. Witty, non-easily-exhausted people who don’t have mental illnesses.

    This is totally growing on me. Plus, I’d get to come in a robe.

    • carrien (she laughs at the days) August 22, 2011 at 12:45 PM #

      HI Jenny,

      I really wanted to meet you this year. I even checked out your bathroom, saw you, literally, stuck in the corner with a crowd around you and promptly turned around and walked back out. Not that it helped much, 1 person in a crowd of 4000 trying to give you some space, but I tried.:)

      I would totally visit you in a confessional booth next year.

    • katie | motherbumper August 22, 2011 at 7:00 PM #

      As usual Anissa comes up with an idea made of pure genius (and madness).

      Jenny, if we do a confessional can I be in charge of administering penance? I’m fast with a whip.

  29. Kristin August 22, 2011 at 12:23 PM #

    O.H. M.Y. G.O.D. – fabulous idea and the funniest thing I’ve read in a while.

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