the dream i had

DreamsNot everything in my life gets to be funny.

I see the humor in so many things and appreciate laughter in every form.

But sometime the reality of what happened to me sneaks in and steals my laughter.

Leaves fear and tears in it’s wake.

I cry out in memory of those moments when I almost lost it all.

I can see myself.  Blissfully unaware that I’m just seconds from the change that will affect all our lives.

I yell to me “Call the house and leave a message for the kids on the answering machine.  It’s the last time they’ll hear your voice that way! Tell them how much you love them to hold close in the months ahead.”

I try to scream loud enough “You need to talk to Pete! You need to tell him more than the fact you’re sick!”

And I feel it.

The fear and panic as my body gives way.

The anguish of knowledge as the paramedics work on me.

I can taste the future we had planned slipping away as I see the clouds in the window of the ambulance.

“Why didn’t you hug them one more time?” I ask the shell of my body I see before me.

Did you?

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You can also read me at Babble today: It’s All Your Mom’s Fault You Have These Kids

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I’m guest-blogging at Life Rearranged

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5 Responses to the dream i had

  1. Moms Who Blog (@momswhoblog) (@momswhoblog) September 14, 2011 at 11:30 AM #

    the dream i had http://t.co/4Z8w7aK

  2. The Domestic Goddess September 14, 2011 at 10:05 AM #

    You know, with what has been going on lately in my life, you would think I would remember to live a life with no regrets. To. Savor every moment. To hug my kids more and tell them I love them always.
    Thank you for reminding me.

    The Domestic Goddess´s last post…42

  3. tracey - justanothermommy September 14, 2011 at 9:53 AM #

    Man. That is a legitimate “Bad Dream.” The ones based in reality always are. No words of wisdom from me, but definitely a hug from me; someone who rarely wakes up from a pleasant night’s sleep.

    tracey – justanothermommy´s last post…In which I test what I like to call "The Bloggess Effect."

    • Anissa Mayhew September 14, 2011 at 10:00 AM #

      Thanks, I’ll take that hug

  4. the dream i had: Not everything in my life gets to be funny.
    I see the humor in so many things and appreciate la… http://t.co/SXh9V8W

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