being together

Christmas morning at the nursing home was an experience.

I lived in this constant fear of my family leaving and not coming back.

There were cards, the kids brought gifts, we tried to celebrate together.

I remember the laughing of the kids.

I hugged them SO tight.

I was very tired, but was afraid to sleep.

I didn’t want to lose a moment of time with my family.

“Sleep, we’ll be here when you wake up.”

I remember Pete reassuring me so I would close my eyes when I needed to.

But I wouldn’t.

Peyton curled up with me.

Rachael laid her head in my arm.

Nathaniel’s hugs were long but never long enough.

They had to go home.

I had to watch them go.

I imagine being stabbed feels like a splinter compared.

I cried until I did finally sleep. The only way to escape the pain of being without them.

Yesterday I got to spend Christmas with my kids.

I was at home and knew that every smile would be captured for eternity.

The kids loved their gifts and I’m glad we were able to give them a little of material joy but I hope they remember that being together is something WE CAN’T TAKE FOR GRANTED.

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3 Responses to being together

  1. Susie December 26, 2011 at 11:11 PM #

    Is there anything better than family on Christmas morning, Anissa? I bet your kids had permanent ear-to-ear grins. And you and Pete too. So happy for you!

    PS I had to have ( completely unexpected) eye surgery recently. It was a retina tear (out of the blue) and I had to have laser (out patient) surgery twice. It meant I had to be an (out-of-character) horizontal couch potato (no pillow) for nearly 2 weeks–and only could watch endless TV, no reading and no computer, and no exercise–not much of anything! I’m here to say it wasn’t painful at all, and only a bit uncomfortable with the bursts of light with the laser, but I was so grateful w/ the doctor’s expertise, and that it didn’t progress to a retina detachment.

    I remembered your recent post about upcoming eye surgery, and found it ironic that a few weeks later, I had to have eye surgery too. I want you to know I got through it, and you will too. Yep, during the first long procedure, I thought of your bravery through your journey. And yes, I remembered this quote: “Face the fear and do it anyway” (Louise L. Hays). Your surgery may be different than mine, but I want to encourage you to have faith in the doctors.

    Very grateful I’m back on your site reading your awesome posts like this one! Now go get tomorrow, (like you always do)… xox

  2. Chloe December 26, 2011 at 12:19 PM #

    Well shit. Last time I tuned in you were about to reign victorious in your arm-wrestling match against death and the next I read that you spent Christmas morning not well.

    I think it sucks the big one that you were not at home for Christmas this year and is likely good evidence that there is no Santa Claus.

    I hope you do get better very soon, Anissa. I’m sending my very best wishes your way. I look forward to seeing you in just two short months in Nashville.

    Chloe´s last post…Merry Christmas!

  3. Erica December 26, 2011 at 11:44 AM #

    Anissa, I’m so glad you got to spend the holidays together. Xoxo

    Erica´s last post…A Mama’s Love

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