I lived in this constant fear of my family leaving and not coming back.
There were cards, the kids brought gifts, we tried to celebrate together.
I remember the laughing of the kids.
I hugged them SO tight.
I was very tired, but was afraid to sleep.
I didn’t want to lose a moment of time with my family.
“Sleep, we’ll be here when you wake up.”
I remember Pete reassuring me so I would close my eyes when I needed to.
But I wouldn’t.
Peyton curled up with me.
Rachael laid her head in my arm.
Nathaniel’s hugs were long but never long enough.
They had to go home.
I had to watch them go.
I imagine being stabbed feels like a splinter compared.
I cried until I did finally sleep. The only way to escape the pain of being without them.
Yesterday I got to spend Christmas with my kids.
I was at home and knew that every smile would be captured for eternity.
The kids loved their gifts and I’m glad we were able to give them a little of material joy but I hope they remember that being together is something WE CAN’T TAKE FOR GRANTED.