Nights like this I should be sleeping. I fell into my covers with lethargy as my pillow.
Dreams should come easy.
But as my eyes close, the buzzing of my damaged ears turn into sounds that make my stomach ache. I can hear soft shoes shuffling in a hallway, low buzzing and murmuring from a non-existent nurse’s desk.
I sleep with a closet light on.
I can no longer sleep in the dark.
All these years later. Knowing I’m safe at home. I can’t forget the shutting of the door to stop my pleas for help, plunging me into darkness.
I’m much stronger now. Even my right side that is paralyzed, has been trained for certain tasks.
But then I was so weak. Not even half a person.
if I had to, I could get down on the floor and with the strength of my left side get anywhere in my house.
I would throw myself out of the bed to the floor and spend hours of frustrated tears trying to….I’m not really sure WHAT I thought was going to happen.
Those night happened often.
In my memory they happen all the time.
Sometimes, I finally do fall asleep.