up and down

Some of you may be wondering about the “BIG D” and if things are still tense between Pete and I.

WE HAVE THREE CHILDREN.

Does that seem like an odd place to that sentence?

It just shows our thought process.

Before we can make a single argument or decision we have to remember that very important thing. It’s the most important thing and we have to make them the priority. The FIRST priority.

WE’RE FRIENDS.

Nobody shares laughter and has been through more than Pete and I. You don’t go through what we have over and over and over again without a connection you’ll never replace.

NEITHER ONE OF US HAS THE TIME, ENERGY OR DESIRE TO BE ANGRY ALL THE TIME.

We both have to work. We have three kids. Wheelchairs suck. We’re making house construction. There’s guests coming. I’m writing a book. We made arrangement that work for us.

It’s never 100% of his want but it’s not 100% of mine. We’re meeting in the middle.

We want to be good parents.

I look at the book I’m writing and reading the words Pete wrote and know I wouldn’t be here today if he hadn’t fought for me.

Circumstances might change the elements of the relationship but nothing will ever change the depth of the bond between us.

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9 Responses to up and down

  1. Susan in the Boonies August 12, 2012 at 11:58 PM #

    How could it be otherwise? I’m so glad you all are keeping those thoughts at the forefront!

    Susan in the Boonies´s last post…A Tale of Four Cities, Three Friends, Two Tires, and A Dog

  2. Susan from Pa August 9, 2012 at 1:29 AM #

    My ex and I get along well now as co-parents and friends. People think it’s weird that we spend time together as a family, but here’s the thing…we are still a family. Just a different kind of family and my children are grateful and secure.

  3. Ewokmama July 30, 2012 at 4:33 PM #

    I love that you two are able to be civil. That is similar to how my divorce went and it’s made dealing with our son’s leukemia easier, as well. In my case, my ex and I really should have never married and we only realized it 9 years in!

    I have to wonder if life these days just changes so rapidly that couples outgrow each other more often.

    Good luck with figuring it all out!

    Ewokmama´s last post…SOCS: Eight More Weeks

  4. Susan Bodendo - Super Earthling July 28, 2012 at 11:12 AM #

    You’re a strong, wise, determined woman with a beautiful, generous spirit, Anissa. You’ve been through so much and have not only survived, but thrived. If anyone can make the “BIG D” work as smoothly and sanely as possible, it’s you. :)

    Susan Bodendo – Super Earthling´s last post…Foolidaria, the Weird and Ugly, Fat and Skinny, Orange Robosexual with a Heart of Gold

  5. Laurie July 26, 2012 at 9:32 AM #

    Everyone wants so much to pin relationships down, because they are so important and feeling like they are defined — are they “over,” are they not, whatever whatever whatever — can give us comfort or a sense of control. But the truth is they do change, they are the most dynamic thing in the world, and y’all finding a place that works for you and your family is a great thing, and the only important thing. No one else’s opinion matters. I’m glad it’s workable for you for now, enough to meet your kids’ needs, and yours.

    Laurie´s last post…Use Your Words

  6. The Animated Woman July 25, 2012 at 1:40 PM #

    I have a deepening admiration for both of you. Making a divorce ‘work’ is as much of a committment as making a marriage ‘work’.

    The Animated Woman´s last post…The Balancing ACT.

  7. Miss Britt July 25, 2012 at 1:27 PM #

    Dude. Staying angry is SO hard, especially when you actually really like the other person.

    I’m glad you guys are, at the very least, finding a way to make things work for right now.

    One day at a time is really all any of us can do.

    Miss Britt´s last post…14 Ways to Save Your Marriage

  8. Kyooty July 25, 2012 at 10:28 AM #

    you sound married. LOL

    Kyooty´s last post…What the Chair is really up to

  9. defendUSA July 25, 2012 at 9:28 AM #

    I have been married, presumably alot longer than you….and I know nothing of your own situation. I have been through a ringer or two myself. 4 kids, 13 moves, 3 unemployments in 5 years, financial ruin and alcohol abuse- not me. What I found with the hubby’s mid-life crisis as he calls it, is that I was strong enough to find the good in all of it to keep the family and our relationship in tact. It wasn’t always perfect, but the one thing that remained true was that love did have everything to do with why I stayed or didn’t tell him to GTFO. It sounds from your posts as if there are too many things to the “good” for both of you to leave it behind. Just my thought. In no way do I think I can change a person’s mind…
    There was a time when we were married and in college together, that he wanted the big D. But there was nothing wrong in our life that I could see. So, i told him fine, “but don’t think that because I still love you that I am going to pine away for you and wait for you to get that you’re letting the best thing that ever happened to you get away. Marriage is like a tree. You start out stuck together, like a trunk and then everything grows. If you can’t hang with the growing pains, you weren’t meant for this.” And I left for spring break to go on a planned vacation. When I got home, he had pulled up his big boy pants and told me I was right. That he was sorry to put those thoughts in my head. Marriage is hard, and I never could see the sense that if two people still loved each other, and were still friends, how walking away was the answer. Just my two.

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