it’s ok to come undone

I had a bit of a breakdown Monday.I came unraveled. Lost my shit. Seriously walked the edge.

I’m juggling a lot of balls right now. The Non-Conference.  Aiming Low. Surgeries and their recoveries. A disability office that keeps saying I’m not disabled enough. Fears that effects from my strokes seem to be getting worse. The situation with Pete that’s….complicated. Three kids and their very busy lives when I can’t drive and one needs to go here and one needs picked up fron there and one is sick with that.

My balls came crashing down and shattered around my feet.

The fragmented remains mixed with my tears.

In a furious rush of emotions I vented to Pete. He let me. Then hugged me as I cried.

I fwlt like a crumbled ball at the feet of my friend Faiqa. She picked me up and brushed off the dirt and made me stand up again. She made me want to stand up again.

Then I talked to another sister-of-my-soul Julia, who put it all back on track for me.

I’m sitting here in the glow of my computer screen with the knowledge Tuesday will feel better and more centered.

We all need to have friends who can sweep away the remains of the broken balls and provide shiny new ones. With the promises to help juggle.

Friends are everything.

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11 Responses to it’s ok to come undone

  1. Faiqa October 16, 2012 at 7:28 PM #

    Remember that one time when you thought you couldn’t do this one thing, but then you did and it was awesome? That.

  2. Liz @ The Six Year Itch September 12, 2012 at 8:41 PM #

    You’re amazing. And juggling so much. It’s okay to come undone. To absolutely lose your shit. It means you’re human. We all break at a point. But then we can re-build and re-ogranize and prioritize and all that shit Type A people do that I’m terrible at. I like to think of a mental collapse as a forest fire. Of course it’s horrible, but there is a purpose: it clears the brush so things can grow again.

    Like that metaphor? I’m really into them right now.

    But I’m here. Please reach out when you need it. You’re amazing and everything works out in the end. Always.

    Liz @ The Six Year Itch´s last post…Send Liz High in the Sky with @Jingos Live Bold Challenge

  3. Alexandra September 12, 2012 at 2:13 PM #

    Anissa, you mean so much to so many. And I’m at fault for not telling you how amazed I am at all you do and want for all of us who are in your lives.

    I could cry when I think of how I never told you.

    You do amaze me.

    I can’t think of another word.

    And I’m not saying this because I work for you, and you gave me a chance on Aiming Low.

    I’m not.

    It’s that I truly love you, and talk about you to my husband: who is the only one in my real life who understands about my online life.

    I love you, and wish you could hear me say that to you right now.

    Anissa, I love you.

  4. The Animated Woman September 12, 2012 at 12:36 PM #

    Losing it makes you stronger.

    The Animated Woman´s last post…The UNICORN, the UNIVERSE and boots.

  5. Maggie S. September 12, 2012 at 7:09 AM #

    I always have a day like that, right before things fall into place. Then, I think, “If I’d just kept my self together a minute longer.” But that’s the point. I can’t keep my self together on my own. When I think I can, I am adding to the plates I have to keep spinning.

    Friends. God with skin on.

    Maggie S.´s last post…Gritty By Grace

  6. Delfin Joaquin Paris III September 11, 2012 at 9:10 PM #

    Falling apart is simply one of the bravest things you can do. Well done.

    Delfin Joaquin Paris III´s last post…The Plain Yogurt Disaster

  7. Katherine Stone September 11, 2012 at 1:48 PM #

    Love you girl. Hope today is much better.

    Katherine Stone´s last post…On Postpartum Depression & The Family of Warrior Moms

  8. Julia Roberts September 11, 2012 at 1:37 PM #

    I love you.

    And your balls.

    Wait. That didn’t come out right.

    Call me anytime the balls are broken.

    I shall help you sweep them away.

    Love and love and more love.


    Julia Roberts´s last post…World Suicide Prevention Day, The Darkness

  9. Andrea September 11, 2012 at 10:58 AM #

    It IS. It really is. It feels horrible and it sucks when it is happening but sometimes, after, you feel relief. I’m glad you have those who support you with love and a shoulder when you need it.

    Andrea´s last post…Split down the middle.

  10. L.McG.-E. September 11, 2012 at 10:01 AM #

    I am so glad you had people to help you pick up those broken pieces. I hope today is better and you feel more in control again.

    Love and peace to you.


    L.McG.-E.´s last post…The Boy Scouts’ Marching Song.

  11. Tricia O. September 11, 2012 at 9:38 AM #

    Everyone comes apart sometimes. You especially are dealing with extraordinary circumstances that make life harder.


    You are an extraordinary person, which is why you attract extraordinary friends.


    Tricia O.´s last post…RIP, Alfonso Ribeiro

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