empty house

The house is empty.

The kds are in school.

Peter’s on a plane.

The cat’s outside.

The new puppy is passed out.

My back is throbbing from a fall I took on Sunday.

I was alone.

I was enjoying the thrill of ladytime and pretty weak from the pain of a couple months catching up with me. Peter and I hadn’t taken care of wheelchair brake issues that we knew about.

A wave of dizziness caused me to lose my balance and I went towards the floor.

With only one arm, I had to decide whether to protect my head or back.

I chose.

The part of me that was too weak to keep my balance was too weak get off the floor.

I used my ever-present phone to text Peter and let him know I was on the floor of the bedroom unable to get up.

I laid on the cold floor, hurting, crying, feeling the quiet of the house.

I’ve been recovering from a direct hit to the concrete floor on my back with nothing to stop me.

I never want my kids to be the ones to find me like that.

I fear that ALONE  more than ever.

Today, the house is empty except for me, as it often is, please don’t today be the day my children come home to our worst nightmares.






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5 Responses to empty house

  1. TracyinSuburbia November 28, 2012 at 7:20 AM #

    I’m sorry you’re having such a tough time. You usually have such a positive spirit that we all forget the depth of the challenges you face every minute of every day. I know it’s not the same as being there IRL, but I’m sending you massive hugs from New Jersey. And you can call me ANYTIME – for help (which I will send) or a smile or just to vent!

    TracyinSuburbia´s last post…Not Quite Dead but Almost Buried

  2. Jamie@SouthMainMuse November 28, 2012 at 4:56 AM #

    Once again, reading your posts makes me see my world so differently. Sometimes I feel all these gadgets we have are too much. Now I’m glad that here are things like cell phones that keep us connected in emergencies. Glad you were okay.

    Jamie@SouthMainMuse´s last post…The baby Jesus disapeared.

  3. Sherry Carr-Smith November 27, 2012 at 12:47 PM #

    I hate that those are even things you have to think about.

    Sherry Carr-Smith´s last post…Conversations With Nicholas: Gerber Life Edition

  4. Apryl November 27, 2012 at 11:35 AM #

    Listen up, girl. I’m not super close (probably about an hour and a half), but I’ll get there if you need me—and if I can’t, I’ll FIND someone who can.

  5. Lori Vann November 27, 2012 at 11:16 AM #

    You need to put Carmen’s number in your phone in case that happens again, she is just down the street and can help you! Or Rachel (next door, yellow door) or Tricia across the street. I miss driving by your house and I miss your beautiful face!

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