i can be a pretty good friend too

A friend emailed and told me about a grocery list of craptitude that had happened to her and her family and all the fallout she was stressing about dealing over. Then she finished with “…I know it’s nothing compared to what you go through.”

For a second I wished that Google would develop GSlap because I needed at that moment

1.I really hate being the shit-stick by which others measure the bad things in their lives. Like “I just woke up in a bathtub full of ice missing a kidney, but at least I’m not Anissa.” or “My car just went off a cliff and rolled100 feet to the bottom of a mountain where it exploded taking out a bunch of bunnies and orphans but things would really blow if I were Anissa.”It really sucks to be that person.

2. Just because some really challenging things happen to me doesn’t mean I’m not capable of caring about what’s happening in your world. If anything, what I’ve been through has made me a more empathetic and caring person. Give me the chance to be a friend. Let me one for you. You’re never weighing me down and if you were I’d be the first to tell you that I just can’t be there for you the way I want. 99,999 times out of 1000.000 though I’d be honored to help carry your load.

Unless your load is spiders. Then you’re on your own.

3. Don’t compare our burdens. Don’t ever act like yours is less because you THINK mine is more. Yes, I’ve had a lot of bad. I’ve also been blessed with an amazing amount of good. It has been worth it.

You know how NOT to be a good friend to me? Fail to give me the opportunity to be a friend to you.

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19 Responses to i can be a pretty good friend too

  1. Lisa June 2, 2013 at 5:03 AM #

    THANK YOU For posting this! As a mom to a 4 yr old who has been battling leukemia for 3 years and relapsed this past December, it makes me sad when people and especially friends say those exact words to me. I can still empathize, I wish people didn’t belittle their hard times, my situation doesn’t make theirs any less difficult.

    Lisa´s last post…“… and she loved a boy very, very much– even more than she loved herself.” ― Shel Silverstein, The Giving Tree

  2. JB May 3, 2013 at 1:14 PM #

    compelled to write a note. so wise, so true. shit is shit is shit is….anyway, my odler brother died in a car crash – he was 21 – me 19. I got into working with teens who had brothers and sisters that died of suicide. and oh the crazy sad heartbreaking stories. but just like the mom said, people just vaporize. like they are going to catch suicide. makes me crazy. love your writing. and videos.

  3. Naomi May 3, 2013 at 11:29 AM #

    Loved this!

    Naomi´s last post…Zen and The Art of Being Silly with Julian Gargiulo

  4. jeanswest315-jeanswest315--首页 May 3, 2013 at 7:37 AM #

    i can be a pretty good friend too | #FreeAnissa

  5. Amy B. May 1, 2013 at 11:03 PM #

    So if I came up to you and said “Anissa, I have a horrible boil on my ass, and I need you to look at it for me — maybe even pop it,” you wouldn’t say “Damn girl, get over yourself, I’ve got it worse, and anyway, how can I help you, I’m in a wheelchair and I can’t even see your butt pores properly?”

    Because if you didn’t, I’d be disappointed in you.

    I know, I know, you’re trying to be serious and here’s me cutting up in your comment section. I’m sorry.

    So for realz, I’m glad you wrote this. One of my favorite lines is “No one ever wins the pity Olympics.” Comparing hardships is negative and nonproductive. Thank you for the reminder. You’re a good soul.

    (Even if you wouldn’t pop my butt zits for me.)

    • Anissa Mayhew May 1, 2013 at 11:14 PM #

      ACTUALLY!! I was just lating in bed the other night thinking of a wart I could gnaw off someone’s chin, but an ass-boil would be so much better.

      It could be painful, considering I only have one hand good for popping but I’ll try anything for you.

      *wink*

  6. Jo May 1, 2013 at 9:40 AM #

    I know what you mean. I lost my 10 year old son in a car accident in 2004 and to this day I have ‘friends’ who still don’t spend time with me and my family (husband and daughter) because they don’t want to say the wrong thing or make us remember our son/brother and make us upset.

    They don’t seem to understand, no matter how many times we tell them, that we think about him everyday anyway and they could never make us miss him more than we do already. They just don’t seem to get it…

    You seem like a very well put together person and someone I might get along with IRL. Take care…xo

    Jo´s last post…Happy Momni Day!

    • Anissa Mayhew May 1, 2013 at 12:41 PM #

      I’m sorry for the loss of your son, and I hate that you not only lost him but the support of friends who didn’t know how to be your friend when you needed it most.

      Seems like you had two things to grieve over.

  7. Jennifer May 1, 2013 at 8:41 AM #

    As usual, well said. I’ve been reading your blog for awhile now – enjoying your attitude, strength and beautiful honesty – but I think this is my first time commenting. I love this post. You’re awesome and I bet you’d be one helluva good friend.

    ¤´¨)
    ¸.·´¸.·*´¨) ¸.·*¨)
    (¸.·´ (¸.·`¤… Jennifer
    Jenn’s Random Scraps

    Jennifer´s last post…Waiting…

    • Anissa Mayhew May 1, 2013 at 12:44 PM #

      I’m so glad you left your words here and thank you so much for reading. I’m pretty sure that makes us friends!

  8. Maggie S. May 1, 2013 at 8:18 AM #

    I’ve always thought that about you. Wished we knew each other better.

    Maggie S.´s last post…The Heartbreak Imperative

    • Anissa Mayhew May 1, 2013 at 12:39 PM #

      I’m thinking of holding G+ hangouts because I would love to get know you better too

  9. Mod Mom Beyond IndieDom April 30, 2013 at 9:51 PM #

    I love you Anissa – I really do. You crack me the hell up and you’re so right. I get that about Miles. “Blah blah blah…but I know it’s nothing compared to what’s going on with Miles.” Okay, I get it; they’re trying to show me they’re putting things into perspective, but sheesh. We’ve all got stuff and friendship is reciprocal. That’s what friends are…oh God no…not Dionne Warwick…noooooooo…..

    Mod Mom Beyond IndieDom´s last post…Twisted Mix Tape Tuesday: Stalk Market Trading

    • Anissa Mayhew May 1, 2013 at 12:36 PM #

      Don’t make me get Bette Midler on you. Sincerely, Wind Beneath Your Wings

  10. ThePeachy1 April 30, 2013 at 5:15 PM #

    I have spent the last 5 years telling people, friends, strangers, nurses, doctors. It is OK if things in your life suck in general. NO matter my hurdles or situation it DOES SUCK, when your kid barfs on you as you are walking out the door that morning, and then the car wont start and the dryer goes out. THAT SUCKS. Other people than me, are allowed to be sad, mad, pissed, depressed, or just having a crap day. You get to own that. Hell I remember a time when those things would have just sent me into a stabby spiral that made me look for a kitten to drop kick. It’s not a contest either, the people who after prying dig out all my “quirks” and then run down a laundry list of things that are wrong with them, yeah, that’s a game anyone can gladly win with me, simply because I don’t want to play it. The cool things is I have this one friend for nearly 13 years now, and we take turns being the jacked up, pissed off, pitied, lump, it’s like a tag team event for us, and our kids. It’s nice to be able to laugh and say, dude that sucks hard, I do NOT want to top that one… I should tell that friend of mine hi. Also measuring shit stick, LOL, I will be inventing a real one of those tonight hahah.

    ThePeachy1´s last post…Nice try kid.

    • Anissa Mayhew April 30, 2013 at 6:19 PM #

      yeah, you should call her! stop sending her long emails. CALL YOUR FRIEND!

  11. Lizz April 30, 2013 at 4:42 PM #

    YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES
    We all have the hands we’ve been dealt. We live accordingly and make the most of what we have.
    Comparison accomplishes nothing.
    Also? I love you.

    Lizz´s last post…Month 2 Shaklee180 Update!

    • Anissa Mayhew April 30, 2013 at 6:18 PM #

      love you too!!

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