Months have gone by with me feeling shaky and unsure.   Wondering how I fit in, where I fit in, and DID I fit in anymore?

Before I had the stroke I knew my place in the scheme of things.  I felt assured that if I worked hard, I would be rewarded.  So, I worked hard!

I did the job of five people. But happily.

You want multi-tasking?  I had multi-tasking down to an art!

I had three kids that were happy and healthy.  I had a marriage that would definitely last until death did us part.  I had a business that involved involved a lot of juggling but it just so happens I’m a Master Juggler.

I had it all!

Then I had two strokes.

All those days, all those weeks, all those months gone by.

I felt shaky and unsure.

In the months I was gone I was lucky to have wonderful friends.  Friends that took care of me, took care of my kids, took care of the thing important to me.

Aiming Low, my baby.

It was a dream that came true with the help of amazing friends that could never be replaced.

Now I’m awake and I’m home and I’m improving every day.

And I feel like I’m part of this tremendous site that I haven’t always been a part of.  I’m awake, here I am.

I’m going to start writing a regularly scheduled thing that’s different and new and hopefully my steps back into a life that was always mine…but more carefully mine.  I want to feel like I’m needed.  Like there’s a reason for me.

Like I won’t be a complete waste of time.

Let me be sure and confident.

I think I’m ready!

So, I wrote this whole post about the horrors Peter put me through this weekend.

Seriously.  Home Depot…rakes…sweat…it was like the trifecta of hell.

But, some great things came out of it.

And by “great things”, I mean other than the spectacular AWESOME that is an arm cramp.  Cause, if you haven’t had one? Try it. They’re truly special.  Give them to your friends for Christmas. They’ll thank you for it.

Ok, on to the great things.

It was totally worth it, but if you tell anyone I said THAT I’m going to deny it to the death.

Corporations would call it a “Team Building”.

At Aiming Low, we call it “Times when you’d better wear a diaper cause chances are good you might pee a little”.

(I don’t even watch The Office and this is funny…probably because I love Ali Martell…no, I REALLY love Ali Martell)

I mean, come on, there’s not a lot of people you’d want to take a week-long trip with…together 24  hours a day…eating your meals together…sharing all those wonderfully intimate bodily functions.

But I did it with eight ladies of Aiming Low.

It was like the sorority I never got to be a part of in the college I didn’t attend.

It was the Sisterhood of the Traveling Heads.

We did all those things that you give up when you get too old for “sleep overs”.  We ate pizza in bed and laughed so hard we (where WE = Jen) snorted out our nose…we made fun of each other, we stayed up way too late in the night, we called boys and hung up on them.  We let ourselves get back to the parts of us that aren’t buried beneath responsibility, dinner plans, and school pickup schedules.

This trip was full of so many firsts.  Ground Zero, Time Square, Central Park, Boston’s amazing color show, NYC cabbies, The Russian Tea Room, having my life threatened by a homeless person, and the smells….OHTHESMELLS….and the joy of sharing these moments with these special friends, every second cementing our friendships a little deeper.

Thank you, ladies, for taking what could have been a fun trip and turning it into the experience of a lifetime.

In case you were wondering if I was planning to leave Ralph Macchio up forever…know that I considered it….but decided that it was possible that it wasn’t as amusing for others as it is for me.

Which, if I’m wrong, just let me know so I can post my 450-photo montage of Ralph from the Tiger Beat years.  Just kidding, I don’t really have one.  Yes, I TOTALLY do. NO, really, I would never make one. I think we all know I would. Because that would be C.R.A.Z.Y. *ahem*

Moving on.

TRIPS!!!!

I got back bright and early Saturday from the Aiming Low Boston/NYC parties…tired, happy and ready to see my family….

…..and promptly have come down with the death.  Also known as the flu.  Hoping it’s not going to drag on forever (also hoping Peter does not come down with it as he is less than pleasant when he’s sick)(or the kids really because I can only deal with so much puke)(not that I have a limit or anything, it’s more a guideline than a rule)(and now I’m sort of having an anxiety attack thinking of how much potential puke is in my future).

Again, moving on.

Boston and NYC were incredible, our parties were a hit and the time spent with friends were unforgettable.

There will be more details when I stop having to get up from the computer to go visit the Porcelain God.

So, now? I leave you with lots and lots of pictures.  LOTS of them.