Unfortunately, neither option involves Ryan Reynolds.

Big thanks to Pete for helping me out with this very nerve-wracking day.

Since I’ll be out of commission I’ll replay an old post from a much simpler time.

Why shovels will never replace picture frames as housewarming gifts

“So, what do you think about me digging a hole in the backyard?”

A single look from me apparently left scorch marks on my husband’s forehead.

“WHY? Why would you dig a hole in the backyard?”

“I was thinking I could build a hot tub!”

*silence*

“Peter, you know…they have companies that do that…they call them HOT TUB COMPANIES {I know, you’re staggered by my mad arguing skills. SHUT it, I was tired, this was only day 2 in the house} and they do this thing called ‘building hot tubs.”

“Yeah, but I read on the internet blah blah blah and then I could make blah blah blah and then we would have blah blah blah and beer.”

*silence*

“You know what? You should DO THAT!”

Peter gave me his “Have You Been Drinking Before Noon?” look.

“NO! I’m totally serious, you should absolutely start digging that hole, like, right now. I’ll go get you a shovel. AND THEN? I’m going to check online to buy some cows…I’ll raise them right here in the backyard…then kill them and skin them WITH.MY.OWN.TWO.HANDS. and sew that leather couch I’ve been wanting so bad.”

He smiles at me.

I smile back.

“So…you’re saying don’t dig the hole?”

“Don’t dig the hole.”

Normal people, those unhindered by handicaps, have the luxury of furious departures.

Something the wheelchair, and the limitations that go with it, have forced upon us is greater compromise.

The reasons that we can no longer be a couple are still there, but they are ours and they are private.

No matter the reasons or arguments or unfathomable emotions we share a bond stronger than any judge or preacher could try to make.

The three lives that we brought into the world together will forever tie us.

For them we can be better people.

For them we can make the hard choices.

For them we can stop focusing on US and direct our energy where it should be, concentrated on making sure THEY have the best life possible.

We’ve done sickness and health. We’ve done richer and poorer.

I’ll let you know if this is better or worse.

It isn’t gone.

It mat never leave.

It PROBABLY won’t ever leave.

But the fog IS lifting.

The lifting of the fog comes with working together for a common goal.

it would have been a thousand time easier to have won each battle and just had my way.

It would have been so much easier. But not necessarily better.

Maybe couples would have to be kinder in the split and stop to think of other circumstances if they had been in situations like mine.

Being through years of years of cancer at Peyton’s side, through these years of strokes, coma, therapy, recovery, building, growing I have learned to never hesitate at TRUE HAPPINESS.

there is a difference between a GOOD TIME and TRUE HAPPINESS and you know them when you have them.

But I have also learned to basking in TRUE HAPPINESS does not mean ignoring the circumstances.

It really is as trite as that saying: EXPECT THE BEST BUT PLAN FOR THE WORSE.

Peter ans I don’t live in a theoretical world of single parenthood.

We live in it, VERY REAL, EVERY DAY.

We had to cool our jets, let go of our tempers and start working as the team we’ve always been.

Even though we can’t be a couple anymore, we still make one hell of a parenting team.

There is no easy way to separate something that was never intended to be separated.

We didn’t live our lives with the thought that someday we would have split it up.

Parents have an incredibly hard job.

Divorcing parents can make a hard job EVEN harder.

Under the constant strain, two parent can stand across from each other yelling about how much they love kids.

I LOVE THE KIDS MORE.

NO, I LOVE THEM MORE!

HOW COULD YOU LOVE THE KIDS MORE?

I.LOVE.THE.KIDS.

And while the two of you are arguing about that great parental love, who is loving those kids like they deserve?

Are the kids seeing seeing you fight about who loves them more?

Do they care?

Or are they just seeing Mommy and Daddy fight again?

Respecting my family, there are details that you just don’t need to know yet.

But you DO need to know that WE made the decision our kids will NEVER SEE IT AGAIN.