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my first

He was the first person I ever held in my arms that shared my blood. The girls would come, but HE WAS MY FIRST. The doctor put him on my belly and I can’t even explain what happened. The sun exploded. Time stopped. Everything that WAS changed. It happened two more times. But he was [...]

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being together

Christmas morning at the nursing home was an experience. I lived in this constant fear of my family leaving and not coming back. There were cards, the kids brought gifts, we tried to celebrate together. I remember the laughing of the kids. I hugged them SO tight. I was very tired, but was afraid to [...]

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the “in case” letter

A few years ago I wrote a letter to Nathaniel and Rachael apologizing for all the failures they suffered through Peyton’s cancer treatment. It was an important letter because I wanted the kids to know that I was aware of how I’d let them down. But it didn’t mean I loved them any less. So, [...]

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the 5 best decisions of my adult life

My friend Karen tweeted this. Then my other friend Schmutzie wrote this. So I drew this: Not really, but I thought about it. The question was asked: what are the 5 best decisions of my adult life so far? To stay pregnant Bungee-jumping Deciding to write it all Bread bowls Not giving up To stay [...]

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i’m not smarter than a 5th grader and my handwriting isn’t better than a 2nd grader

As I signed Peyton’s agenda, she said, “There’s a boy in my class who thinks your writing is messy.” OOOOF. He’s right. To a 7yo who’s told to work on neatness and staying in the lines it IS messy This little boy wouldn’t understand what an achievement it is to sign that agenda at all. [...]

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i have a plan for @TheBloggess for 2012

I have this friend Jenny. You may know her as the Bloggess. You may also know her as Inmate 856846746, but that’s another story for another day. So, in San Diego at BlogHer11 at the People’s Party (co-hosted by : Velveteen Mind, IzzyMom, Motherbumper and Oh, the Joys!)Jenny was one of the hosts. In past [...]

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i give free kittens!

Don’t punch me,  but I need you to click over to Babble and vote for me with a Facebook “like”. I wouldn’t normally do it, but this is a really good reason. Mominations is your chance to shine a light of recognition on an incredible mom doing good work, and put her in the running [...]

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what they will be

Here I can be very serious, raw and truthful about recovery. At Aiming Low I get to revel in the funny that makes some people cringe. A new site we latched is a site of the absurd. On places like Twitter, Facebook  and Google+ I am pretty much what you’d think I’m like. I am [...]

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profound moments at sam’s

I had a bit of a breakthrough. It was at Sam’s, of all places. It gave me this Helen Keller in the midst of 42-gallon tubs of peanut butter feeling. It was very profound. Being in a wheelchair puts you at a constant height where you see and experience all sorts of things. (Let’s just [...]

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join us for 1

Back in the day, when Peyton was sick, we did part of our treatment at All Children’s Hospital in St. Petersburg, FL. From our house to the hospital it was over an hour and a half drive. Totally worth it, when it’s your child. Part of Peyton’s “roadmap” called for her to undergo cranial radiation. [...]

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more deep thoughts (and posting twice a day)

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. [...]

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why pretty is like pez (and @Chookooloonks)

Strokes aren’t pretty. They aren’t. I’m not. Now, I can hear you sputtering about how I should find mysel beautiful, and I do. I’m just not PRETTY. Pretty can fade with time. Pretty is swallowed by ugliness in your soul Pretty is like candy.  It’s good, it’s fun, you want some, but it won’t FEED [...]

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hallmark has nothing

Yesterday was Mother’s Day. Most celebrated the mother in their life. They were one. They were going to be one.  They had been one. They were always going to be the child of one. Just this one time I’m going to dance around in my underwear, stick out my tongue and say “NA NA NA [...]

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