I’ve gone out of my way to hatch a plan for her anxiety disorder and she comes to Georgia is a total douche.

Before you kick me in the esophagus on her behalf, give me a chance to explain.

Writing a story is hard.

Whether it’s Lifetime-movie-of-the-week dramatic of spleen-splitting humor, it’s difficult to tell a tale that stands out from the millions of others on shelves.

Then Jenny comes along.

She’s able to take topics that are serious at their core. Then wrap them in her hilarious presentation. They become universal and identifiable. Touchable. Real.

People realize that if this funny, loveable person can be full of her brand of crazy, it’s ok to admit that we all are.

And she’s an excellent writer.

It makes it very hard to be faced with the task of trying to write a tragic topic and infuse your humor in it. Why even bother?

DOUCHE-CABOOSE!

If you haven’t read her book, you are a fool and we’re all mocking you behind your back. DO IT.

If you’re never been to her site, I’ll assume you’ve been in a coma and say SO HAVE I THAT IS NO EXCUSE!!

I stupidly shoplifted when I was a teenager. You know, the stealing on chap stick when you have money in your pocket.

Let’s not even talk about the early 90′s. I was a walking after-school special.

When I was a new mother I learned the horror of lifting the baby out of the shopping cart and finding that I’d inadvertently shoplifted something when it rolled under the car seat, .

One night I realized they hadn’t charged for something at Target and because it was late and they had closed their registers for the nightTHEY WERE RUDE TO ME ABOUT PAYING FOR MY STOLEN ITEM. For real.

I won’t even lie, since I’ve been in in the wheelchair I’ll take things directly IN FRONT OF PEOPLE (like a pen with a fake flower taped to it it to keep you from stealing it) just to see if they’ll let someone in a wheelchair blatantly lift from them.

**NOTE** You can even wave the flower goodbye and they won’t say anything.  SAY SOMETHING!!

This really isn’t just to brag about stealing a sweetener container that looks like Marvin the Martian.

It’s more a post to say that as long as there are people stupid enough to believe that a wheelchair makes me immune to rules I will keep taking advantage of said stupidity.

If you want to go VOTE for my BlogHer Voices Of The Year submission, here it is to check out.

Teaching my kids they can 

My family calls me “Galaxy Quest” for good reason.

Watch between minutes 2:00 and 3:30.

Then sometimes your kid does something that makes you wonder if it’s possible they were dropped at birth by the doctor.