I need to learn to love my body.
I’ve had this body for thirty-five years and it’s never fully made me happy.
The shoulders are too broad.
The hips are too narrow.
The belly is too squishy.
The feet are too wide.
The legs are too short.
The chins are too many.
And I have this child.
She’s eight.
She is everything smart and funny and bright and exhilarating in the world.
She has the eight year old version of this same body.
And? SHE.IS.GLORIOUS.
I need to stop telling her that she’s NOT.
I need to stop telling her she’s not glorious by constantly mentioning how I need to lose weight..which I do, but she doesn’t need to hear about it.
I need to stop telling her she’s not glorious by picking at my muffin top.
I need to stop telling her she’s not glorious by wincing at the ole’ bingo flaps.
I need to stop telling her she’s not glorious by bitching about how the pants aren’t too long, my legs are just too stumpy.
I need to stop telling her she’s not glorious by telling her I hate pictures of myself…when everyone tells her we look so much alike.
I need to learn to love this body.
Because she shows me how beautiful we are, every day.
Happy Birthday, Maddie
I believe in my heart Maddie and I would have fallen in love with each other…I know I was already head over heels, she just needed more time to get to know me better.
She would have laughed at all the funny antics her mommy and I pulled.
I most definitely would have been her favorite talk show host.
And you can see that her favorite hobby was Googling for incriminating photos of me.
But we never got that chance and I know my sadness today, on the day she should be celebrating her second birthday, is nothing compared to what her amazing family is experiencing.
All the many should-have-been’s and will-never-be’s are felt deeply as those who love Maddie celebrate each precious day she had…and mourn that there weren’t enough.
Never enough.
Heather and Mike and Drizzle, you are so loved.
Maddie, you are missed, treasured and never forgotten.
Happy birthday, beautiful girl.
On this special day for this special girl, if you’d like to celebrate Maddie’s birthday consider making a loving contribution to the Friends of Maddie Foundation, a charity in Maddie’s honor to aid NICU families.
All photos used and “tweaks” made were approved by MamaSpohr.