summer starts

Water falls. Sun rays. Fun swells. My kids are enjoying the first day of summer break at a water park with friends and their dad. I couldn’t go. Not because I wanted to stay home and feel sorry for myself. I’m just really FAIL at outdoor functions like these. My medications make me hyper-sensitive to the [...]

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one reason i write

People write for many reasons. Whether it’s a creative impulse or a business motivation there is a drive that leads us to stamp out our little mark on the world. I’ve always had a hunger to write. Since childhood I would wrap myself in my imagination and let my stories take flight from my pens. [...]

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third time’s the charm

I’m having eye surgery. AGAIN. Yes, again. Eye surgery #1 was to repair the double vision and move my actual eyeball so the pupil was centered. The surgery was successful BUT it damaged a muscle and caused my eyelid to droop. Like ridiculously. Eye surgery #2 was to try to repair the droopy eyelid. There was some improvement but now the droop has [...]

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i can be a pretty good friend too

A friend emailed and told me about a grocery list of craptitude that had happened to her and her family and all the fallout she was stressing about dealing over. Then she finished with “…I know it’s nothing compared to what you go through.” For a second I wished that Google would develop GSlap because I needed [...]

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phantom pain

Phantom limb sensations can also occur following nerve avulsion or spinal cord injury. Sensations are recorded most frequently following the amputation of an arm or a leg, but may also occur following the removal of a breast or an internal organ. Phantom limb pain is the feeling of pain in an absent limb or a [...]

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my 15yo gave me a proud mama moment

Friends have praised me. Old loves have whispered of passion. Medical staff have uttered words of astonishment. None came close to meaning as much as the words from my son. He and a friend were discussing mothers and the friend said “My mom isn’t as cool as she likes to think she is”. Nathaniel immediately said [...]

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seeing the world from my desk

I wonder what it was like to have my handicap fifty years ago. Granted people didn’t live without the medical treatments I was lucky to have. I think of the limits I have and what I would have then, it makes me know I’d have very little reason to even leave my house. Who would [...]

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measuring your worth

As a blogger there are many ways to quantifies your worth. Comments, traffic,  followers, “friends”,  lists that rank you, prestigious awards you’re given, all manner of opportunities to show your skill level. As a person there are status symbols we seek that announce our place in society. The vehicle, the clothes, the house in the neighborhood, our kids [...]

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i’m a night owl

I’m sitting at my computer at almost 1 am. Totally not what my doctor thinks I should be doing. I’m a night person. I always have been. I come alive as the sun sets I would have made a great vampire ifI glittered. Here I am, late at night. Everyone’s sleeping, dreaming, snoring. Even the dog and [...]

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the child my mother wished i’d have

They say if your second child was your first child there wouldn’t BE a second child. Rachael was a happy, funny, healthy baby. She was a goofy, energetic toddler. She was smart, playful and she and Nathaniel got along great. Then we had Peyton. We rocked Rachael’s toddler world. The cute baby girl of the [...]

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random blog post about nothing

Even though I’m not a big commenter (mostly that writing thing) I do try to read. Even before I had to learn to conserve my words I never felt like my writing FIT in any neat little labeled box. It’s not bad. I’m proud of it. The way a mom is proud of drawings she keeps on the fridge. [...]

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join the 2013 “Ultimate Blog Party” coming to @5minutesformom

Back when Peyton was in treatment I was still fumbling around this blog-o-sphere. A place where I would constantly find myself drawn in was the 5 Minutes For Mom sister sites. At the time, it was 5 Minutes For Special Needs where I found my emotional wounds soothed and could reach out to find likeminded [...]

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circle of frustration

I feel frustration at the fact I can’t do the simple tasks my family needs from me because my disabilities, the part of me that is still sad at the change in my appearance when I should be grateful for life, the expectations of others. The kids are frustrated by the differences in their lives from the [...]

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