Tag Archives | handicap

playing games in my mind

I used to play MASH. You remember that game from your childhood? Mansion, Apartment, Shack or House. Yes, I would live in a shack with Joey McIntyre. Even with our five kids in a Porsche. I liked MASH, I never said I was smart about it. But in all those daydreams, with fantasies scribbled in pencil on scraps of [...]

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the view from up here

When I learned to let go of the safety grab bar by the toilet so I could pull down my clothes I felt a supreme satisfaction. It was a mental battle to put faith in something I couldn’t feel. I trusted my leg to hold me up and learned to rely on the familiar routine [...]

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raw on the internet

When I write on the Internet I always give a piece of myself. I like to think everyone who blogs understands that feeling of baring their soul and letting everyone watch. Becoming the center on your own voyeuristic, emotional peep show. But some posts more than others leave me feeling raw, exposed. After I push [...]

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3 years later

When it hit me what the date was I took a deep breath. 3 years ago I had two stokes that nearly killed me. 3 years and I’m still alive. 3 years since the last time I walked. 3 years since since I picked up my phone  with my right hand. 3 years since I [...]

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startling realization

There I am, just days away from the biggest event I’ve ever organized and I have this moment of clarity. I’m literally sitting on the toilet (bear with me) where I sit to change clothes and I can’t get my leg out of my jeans. I’m struggling with my pants that are stuck on my non-moving foot, I reach [...]

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a long start to my day

We had a handicap-accessible shower built. I can now take showers by myself. When I want to. Not on anyone else’s schedule. Not asking to bathe myself. Showering by myself is an art. Easy for the  normal. A harsh task for the handicapped. Putting the shower chair in the stall. Knowing where the soap and shampoo is, there [...]

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stealing moments

I have a history of grand larceny. I stupidly shoplifted when I was a teenager. You know, the stealing on chap stick when you have money in your pocket. Let’s not even talk about the early 90′s. I was a walking after-school special. When I was a new mother I learned the horror of lifting the baby out [...]

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the words i have

There are certain things I had to learn to do to keep writing. I’ve never been one to be great with imagery. My words were plain and simple. My style is almost stark now. I have to keep the look very minimalistic because my vision can’t handle too much action. Instead of telling you how [...]

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how am i supposed to keep anything “private”

I’m taking something deeply personally and dealing with it in a way that is incredibly public. I was asked to keep it more private. And I thought about it. I really did. Did I want everyone knowing that I failed at my marriage? That I’m choosing to end a union I had once vowed my [...]

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words trapped inside

We sat together and made a list. I told her what to write “What IS Great About Being In The Hospital“. I don’t remember the whole thing, but I do remember that one of the things on my list was “gravy”. Bless their hearts. There was gravy on everything. That was the first thing thing [...]

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the hills are alive…

I’m getting one of these: Yes. I’m getting a bionic implant that will teach me how to use my “inside voice”. Ok. What part didn’t you believe? I’m getting a bionic implant OR I have an “inside voice? Don’t answer that. But I am getting that. THAT is Oticon Intiga is the new super tiny, [...]

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so much

So much! Sometimes I feel like there’s so much. Sometimes I FEEL LIKE MAYBE IT’S TOO MUCH. Then somedays I shake it off and tell myself that it’s no more than anyone else would do. But you’re not everyone else. You’re handicapped. Disabled. In a wheelchair.  The voice in my head whispers. Doing it’s best [...]

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another frustrated photographer

Peyton had a project I helped her do. It was printing a picture for each year to build a timeline of PEYTON. We printed the pictures out.  Peyton as a baby.  Peyton as a toddler.  Peyton with cancer. Peyton just before I had the strokes. The final picture was one of my favorites. One I [...]

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