You will stare at the wall.

You will wonder how this day could possibly be any different from the day before.

You find your wheelchair.

You get up.

You do your exercises and stretches.

You spend too long doing too little work.

You nap.

You play with your kids.

You laugh at bad jokes.

You read stories and give sloppy kisses good-night.

You write a story.  For the first time. For a different reason.

You head to bed.

You can start to feel a whole new sense of pride.

You’ll face a new day tomorrow.

She did not get in trouble. She did not break the rules.  She was not caught creeping out of her cabin after hours in an attempt to make it  to the boys’ side of the camp.  Unfortunately!

Nope, what she did get was exposure to Swine Flu.

SWINE FLU.

Then she got sick.

But not with the flu.

Nope. No flu.

I think she has mono.

Seriously.

And this is the daughter of my sister who was supposed to be watching my kids for BlogHer.

Take a minute to think about that.

I have an immune-compromised kid and my sister’s kid is S.I.C.K.

I have moved to a new city where I know no one.  All my family is elsewhere…as are my friends with babysitting-aged younglings.

SCREWED!!

I ARE SCREWED!!

I panicked. I Facebooked it and Tweeted it and cried and threw a big-ass temper tantrum.

It truly meant that there was a very good chance that BlogHer was just beyond my reach.

And I? Became a six-year-old who was just told there was no ice cream for dessert.

BUT I WANT IT!!!!! YOU PROMISED!!! I HATE YOU!!!! YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!!!

Oh yeah, those awesome coping skills I  pretend to have? Gone.

I spent several hours bemoaning the fact that I would not be in Chicago enjoying the company of friends old and new….not getting the chance to promote the new blogs I’ve worked so hard on…not get to speak at the panel with my peers….and no swag for Anissa.

I know. You could almost cry.

And then it REALLY hit me.  That meant having to give back the money I’ve already spent on the registration/hotel/flight from HP, who’s kind enough to feel I’m worthy to attend on their dime.

And THE dress from the ever-surprising Lane Bryant? I would not be wearing it to the cocktail parties…I would, in fact, probably be require to pay them for it.

There would be no Ford test drives, no awesome jewelry from Sorelli meeting me in Chicago along with the Yummy Tummy garments sure to make me look svelte in the dress that I would no longer get to wear.

My sadness was large.

Then it hit me. This is July!  July, the month of my daughter’s cancer diagnosis.  July, the month I had a stroke. Seriously, if THIS was the worst July had to throw at me, I could deal, right?

It didn’t stop me from being ridiculously disappointed…from feeling bereft to know I would not get to do the hugging and laughing and talking and meeting I have been anticipating for months.

But I could cope.

Then? My knight in shining armor came in to save the day.

Nope, not my husband, even though I love him to bits.

My friend Chris.  He’s going to come down from north Atlanta every day and spend the day with my kids while Peter’s working!  He’s going to watch the kids, take them on bike rides and teach them to play Guitar Hero.

I am going to BlogHer…but now with it all in a little more perspective.

Yup, still wicked excited and full of glee.

Still anticipating a time so fun I may never recover.

But, I also know that in the grand scheme of things….to not have gone would not been the end of the world.

Cause, dude, I have been to the brink and trust me, no one cared about SWAG.